DS in trouble then clams up

[Jerbil]

My DS is 5&1/2 and has been under assessment for ASD. Though he has many traits, even his Headteacher says his symptoms are so Autistic, but psychologist states he doesn't tick all the boxes. Maybe things will resolve or become more obvious when he's older. She says he does have issues that need help but there is no name for his set of symptoms.

Anyhow question of the day for me: is it so unusual for him not to respond to a teacher when he is in trouble? He gets into trouble for something very rarely and today for example didn't stop what he was doing. He claims he did, but I suspect his hearing is not so good at the moment. (Hearing test tomorrow morning thankfully, followed by Paediatrician visit). he's done this things before where the teacher want to ask him what happened so they can judge the situation better I presume, then he clams up and just ends up in time out.When I say he clams up, if they ask him to go towards them, he will not, nor will he say anything, or acknowledge anything they say. I think they are judging him to be defiant whereas I'm not always sure he knows what he's done. He is a very, very good boy usually at School. He has never been one for hitting or anything like that. I am very lucky on that score.

Ds is the same, 'overly good' i would say, he desperately wants to conform, fit in, which hide his difficulties well. He is scared of getting anything wrong and wants to be perfect.

I had a similar problem at ds's old school, they thought he was being defiant and would punish him too.

1. He just didnt understand what was expected of him or

1. When working, he blocks out background noise and this often resulted in him not hearing what was being asked or

1. He wouldnt comply if it involved sensory input. For example sitting on the carpet surrounded by other children. He would just 'freeze' on the spot or

1. When asked to explain, he can answer, if the questions are simple, but if they involve any kind of inferring or deducing of information, he couldnt respond.

Good luck with the hearing test tomorrow too. It was thought that ds had hearing difficulties for years, but it turned out to be more to do with the above.

Yes, DS has very similar behaviour. But he will sit on the carpet next to the others, but his physiotherapist has said he might do it but as a result of him not being able to cope with it he might be only thinking that he's uncomfortable and then unable to do work. He has quite low information processing ability so it's no wonder. The same teacher told him some info the other day and she absoluitely swamped him. They have a lot of learning to do, never mind him.

My DS has previously had grommets, they didn't make a huge difference, but recently he has not been stopping when I ask him, and not been doing as he's told at swimming. He does but only when the other kids start doing it. Cannot wait for the test.

Again very similar to ds, they thought ds had glue ear for years, he failed hearing test after hearing test, he finally past a hearing test when he 5, just before they were about to fit grommets! But still teachers continued to comment about his lack of hearing.

Ds is same, always the last to do anything, because he watches what the other children do first, a combination of 1,2,3 and wanting desperately to get it right. Let me know how the hearing test goes.

Oh they also put his speech delay down to his hearing, when it was due to his ASD. Although hearing and ASD are closely related, it did prolong the diagnosis process as they thought hearing, not ASD related hearing.

I used to have very similar problems with ds when he was in school (he's older now, 12 and home educated). Teachers would want to resolve a problem quickly and ds simply didn't have the verbal articulation to be able to express himself - instead he would just get angry and make further trouble for himself, and in the end he stopped trying to communicate. I found a way of getting to the bottom of situations at home, by asking yes/no/don't know questions, asking if anything specific was said etc - leading him to talk but not putting words into his mouth iykwim, but it could take hours. One teacher once told me that she never got that amount of information from ds but then she only had a few minutes to talk to him and it wasn't enough for him.

Ds is better now but he still won't talk voluntarily about events and situations that have upset him, though thankfully now he's not at school he's rarely involved in trouble any more. But I've learned to accept it as an intrinsic part of him and his condition, and it will take time to build the necessary emotional and social skills he needs in order to open up. We're still working on it!

Jerbil

"My DS has previously had grommets, they didn't make a huge difference, but recently he has not been stopping when I ask him, and not been doing as he's told at swimming. He does but only when the other kids start doing it"

Grommits are part of treatment for Otitis Media with Effusion (Glue Ear) which is a method of acquiring Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) or not being able to process what you hear. According to the Medical Research Council 10% of all children have some degree of APD including those who have had Glue Ear.

And a very obvious coping strategy children use is to use their visual coping strategies to help make up for their auditory information processing deficit
"He does but only when the other kids start doing it"
Our middle APD son was like that especially when playing "Simon Says" at cubs, he never won (there were always children who could process the meaning of the instructions better than he could) but he also was never first out. If you can not process what is being said you can easily loose the plot, not be able to answer the questions of others, and not be able to self advocate, especially at a young age.