Bit worried please advise..............

[anniebear]

took Ellie to (SN) School before and the Deputy asked for a word and took me into a room

She jokingly said "what mischief have your two been getting up to"?

Apparently Ellie has been saying "Don't tell Mummy" to the teachers

I laughed and said "oh yes, Grace says it all the time, obviously Ellie copies. Suppose it's a thing adults say to kids, ie Nana gives then sweets and says don't tell Mummy!!!

what child hasn't had that said to them?!!

Ellie hasn't got enough understanding to know what it even means

she said fine, and that she just wanted to check as she had visions of them mixing eggs or something and I didn't know"?????!!!!!!!!????

Came away and starting going over it and am now a bit worried (and upset)

Obviously Ellie (aged 4, SN ) has been saying "don't tell Mummy " to them quite a bit

What have they been thinking?

Am I going OTT here?

I am worried that they are checking. up in case she is being abused in some way

Has anyone ever been called to see the Deputy to be told they are worried in case the girls are getting up to mischief like mixing eggs at home and you not knowing???? I don't think so!

They know me well in the School, I am one of few parents that drop their Child off so I see the Teachers a lot and have a laugh and a natter to them. They also know my family well. I am also one of few parents who turn up to everything to show my support. They know how much Ellie is loved.

But, if they are checking it out, I know that is a good thing really, as abuse can happen in all kinds of families. Just because you are from a stable and loving family, it doesn't been you can't be abused. So I know that is good,

I am wondering if it is a case of they have to check it out as they have correct procedures to follow

I am sure she couldn't really have been checking to see what the girls have been doing at home.. and taking me into a private side room to ask me, you would have just joked in the corridor about it

I am upset as I see the teachers every day, they must have had some concerns over what she was saying to have mentioned it to the Deputy in the first place. I am going to feel very embarrassed in the morning when I drop her off. I feel like they will have all been talking about me

Ellie comes home form School and says "Don't tell "(dinner lady) nothing ever crossed my mind other than Ellie just being daft!! she says it out of context even.

Also am worried, because I sometimes have to put cream on Ellie as she still wears nappies, she usually laughs lots as it must tickle her. what if she makes some reference to this when they change her nappy?

Does this mean this has all been written down and on record?

I feel like I am going OTT but the conversation the Deputy had with my didn't really make sense.

What do you think? and what do I do? I am on the verge of tears and am worried. What if I said something to her and she looked shocked and wondered what on earth I was on about

Sorry to have gone on, just wanted to know what your thoughts are

Thanks

sorry, that was long!!!!

You awake?!!!

Annie love,you've got yourself into a real state!

Calm down!!!

I think it just shows that they are on the ball and checking out that it doesn't refer to something they should worry about,which is the responsibility of every good teacher.

As a salt I so often hear the children i work with say incongruous and/or mysterious things and invariably ask the parents or write a message in their home books.

The mixing eggs thing sounds like she just wanted to make a little joke about it.

It's ok,please,don't worry about it at all!!

Thank you

was just so unexpected! and was only when I came away that I started thinking!

Do you think she really wanted to know what the girls were getting up to at home or there was more to it?

I think its a bit weird as well anniebear, although I doubt they were thinking abuse. Perhaps they were worried she thought she might be told off. My main concern though is where you say "Ellie hasn't even got enough understanding to know what it means". It suggests that they don't realise that, and that would concern me more than anything else tbh. I think it might be worth asking for an appointment (or do you have a review coming up) so that you can say that you want to be sure that they understand her level of comprehension.

When ds1 was in mainstream they continually overestimated how much he understood even though he's non-verbal. I now suspect that people without access to children with complex SN often just can't grasp the level of understanding they have. Which is fine if its Joe public, but a bit more worrying if its a teacher.

I suose she can use it in the right context, but doesn't really understand it, I don't think. She wouldn'

She has been with them since she was 2yr 4months and is now 4yrs 4 months, so they know her really well.

But you have made me wonder...maybe they were worried with her saying that in case I thought they were saying it to her at School??

Do you think?

Do you think I should just leave it or have a word? Not that I will be brave enough to have a word!!

sorry, top line should have read

I supose she can use it in the right context, but doesn't really understand it, I don't think.

I would only worry in the sense that IDAAC mentioned. Staff at an SN school should surely realise that just because a child can say something it doesn't necessarily mean they understand the words. Ds2 has a whole collection of phrases that he uses but doesn't quite get the meaning. The SALT's favourite is when he announces "Wait a minute....What about -" but never actually adds anything else. At IEP meetings there can be a whole roomfull of people waiting eagerly to find out ds2's suggestion only to discover that there isn't actually one.

Was it something the teacher(s) themselves reported or just something the Deputy happened to notice as they visited the classrooms? I only ask because I recently had a scary phonecall from ds1's school asking why he wasn't at school that day. I'd left him talking to his teacher less than an hour before so assumed that they meant he'd disappeared. The person then said "Well I haven't actually been to his classroom to check if he's there or not...." If they'd thought to look at the register or actually check with his teacher then they wouldn't have scared me half to death over the phone!!

Speak to the teachers if you are worried but I honestly don't think they are hinting that Ellie is being abused in any way.

lol CT at everyone waiting at the IEP meetings!!!!

that made me laugh so much!!!!!!

Have visions of them all eagerly waitng and you thinking "nope, there isn't anything"!!!!

Ellie can come out with so much, and people can be amazed, but sometimes there is no meaning behind it, although used in the right context.

You almost feel mean disillusioning people when you tell them so!!

Anyway, Deputy said that the teachers had mentioned it to her.

As I said, they know Ellie really well.

Just not sure if to have a word or not

still smiling at the IEP meeting!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Important points raised here re over estimating a child's level of comprehension.
I would estimate that when I am actually in schools,over half of my time is spent trying to get the message across that if someone is saying something it doesn't therefore follow that they can understand it!

Even the very able teachers find this hard to 'get'sometimes,and as you say annie,I too feel like a real old meanie sometimes by pointing this out but my mantra is.....

without a fairly reliable baseline it is impossible to track and assess progress.

There is abrilliant cog-neuro model that illustrates this magnificently effectively (for all communication impairments) but is I suspect of interest only to the odd salt (I hear you snoring already!)

Hope your mind is at rest now annie.

I'm glad it cheered you up, Anniebear. Ds2 copies the correct intonation too so it really does sound as though he's just about to have a Eureka! moment.

I definitely agree about it being difficult to explain that because a child can say something it doesn't automatically follow that they understand it. I get a kind of sinking feeling whenever well-meaning people say "He understands everything I say!" when talking about ds2. I would love it to be true but it just isn't the case. People also comment on how good ds2's language skills are and I just don't have the heart or the energy to explain that he still has speech therapy etc.

I don't think it necessarily means the school underestimates her level of comprehension. If someone had been saying to her "don't tell Mummy" for whatever reason she might be repeating it anyway with or without understanding and that might be cause for concern. I think they are just been careful checking up about it because they have been told to check that sort of thing out not because they have any real suspicions of you.

My Ds2 often says "I'm going to tell X the truth". Likewise I don't think he knows what it means but it sounds like he is going to let some skeletons out of the cupboard .

I agree Saker and think it is very good of them to maybe probe a little. (you don't work at her School do you!!! )

Think it was done in a very daft way though. Poor DH is paranoid now! Before Ellie was saying to him "don't hit me, don't tell Mummy"

DH was going "oh no listen to her, what if she says that to school, what will they think"?!!

she is just saying things that I will say to her (if she or Grace hit me) or that Grace says to her

Worrying even more now, never thought about any of this before. She could come out with some awful stuff.

Before I was on the toilet and she was pulling at my knickers. I said about 3 times to get off my knickers, leave my knickers alone!!!

Imagine her coming out with something about that at School!! I hear Social services at the door now!!!!! (Then again, am still waiting for a social worker after 13 months so maybe they won't !!!

Wonder if I should have a word now at School as we are worrying about all the things she is starting to come out with.

She is at a stage where I think she wants to tell tales like Grace and say things like Grace but doesn't really understand any of it!!

CT, exactly the same here with the speech. People are constantly amazed by what she says, and yes, sometimes she does mean it, but other times she hasn't got a clue what she is on about

For example, somebody could say "what did you have for your lunch?" and she can say "cheese and sandwiches" People are amazed! But she doesn't really remember having them, she just has them most days poor child lol so she just says it. She would say the same thing if it was sandwiches or fish and Chips!!