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Pre-school not doing 1:1 on first day. What do I do?

33 replies

smugtandemfeederispissedoff · 09/09/2011 09:14

DS had his first day at preschool today. He has been in the holiday club which is much more relaxed and is in a different class with different teachers. I took him this morning and he was upset that he would not be with the teacher he has a close bond. He will be having lunch in a big school hall instead of a packed lunch in preschool. He will be having a swimming lesson with goggles he is scared of.

I asked why they werent doing 1:1 and they said they werent doing it until his CAF meeting when they find out what help he needs. I pointed out that I was the only person going to the CAF meeting so they could ask me now if they wanted to.

The most important day for him to have 1:1 is today!!! They didnt even allocate a key worker. Just left him looking confused and anxious and very lost. They have obviously decided he has nothing wrong with him and doesnt need any help. They are being paid to do 1:1.

What do I do?

OP posts:
smugtandemfeederispissedoff · 12/09/2011 09:59

Lougle, I like the way you always need me to prove myself. Its helpful because Ive spent the weekend thinking about this.

My concerns are that DS will hurt another child.

I can demonstrate this with the incident that happened at preschool two weeks ago. DS says he was kicked down a step - he had a large graze on his hip. I asked him what he did when it happened - he said he kicked him back. He then shouted "stop squabbling" which im guessing is the teachers who saw it happen. Now if they saw it and thought nothing of it - my son came home with an injury but we were not told about the incident at all. He also possibly hurt another child and we were not told about it.

He has form for lashing out and punching/kicking/hitting other children at a play centre we go to. He goes from silent, happy playing to full on punching kicking. I have documentary evidence of this.

Should I be worried? Should I wait until he does kick off at school?

Maybe I have to?

OP posts:
utah · 12/09/2011 10:22

Smug you need a person in rl who knows the system,do you have early support it is a key worker who is the go between for all the people involved in your ds life. Inclusion grants vary from lea to lea in mine it has three tiers of money. My son received 1:1 because he needed constant help to access the environment it had nothing to do with risk as he is in a secured area and non violent, inclusion money is given for all different reasons.

justaboutstillhere · 12/09/2011 10:25

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lougle · 12/09/2011 16:17

"Lougle, I like the way you always need me to prove myself. Its helpful because Ive spent the weekend thinking about this. "

I hope that you don't perceive it as it sounds, because you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, least of all an internet-stranger Smile

But it isn't helpful, in my experience, for people to just pat a poster's head and say 'there there it's terrible, aren't they meanies?'.

To get the system to work with you, you have to know the system, and know what it is you want the system to do, and why.

Re. the hip injury - did you ask the pre-school why he had a hip injury? If you didn't, that's the very first place to start. Each and every time he comes home with any injury, you need to contact them as soon as possible, and say 'x has this mark, do you know what happened?' You should be being asked to fill in the accident book, and if you aren't, you'll have to ask that they make a record of it in there.

I think, if it were me, that I would take the following view. Please bear in mind, that I am no expert, I am not saying this is the right approach, it is just one option:

I would first go in and informally raise concern. If they say they don't feel there is a demonstrated need for 1:1 at this time, don't get upset. Leave the conversation. It will get you nowhere to push the point, and just make you look neurotic.

Then, I would write to the pre-school, outlining your recollection of the conversation. I would also refer to any documented evidence you have, and include a copy. State very clearly that you are concerned on Health and Safety grounds for the wellbeing of both your child and other children. Ask that a copy of your letter is filed in your DS's file. Copy it to the local Inclusion Service (or whatever they call it in your area).

See where that gets you.

smugtandemfeederispissedoff · 13/09/2011 10:00

Right well I went in and raised the cut incident in an apologetic way. They said they hadnt noticed it and apologised also. They said its difficult to notice every minor incident but obviously if he had cut himself they apologise. (They would have noticed every incident if he had proper 1:1....)

DH and I talked to our friendly psych who is very worried DS is showing what he calls "willful acts of pure agression" at home. He feels it is positive that DS is not doing this in school and we should increase his hours there. We have sent him in without a nappy today instead of giving him the easy option and will ask to increase his hours after the CAF meeting. See if he can keep it up for longer periods of time and give us more of a break. Stop protecting him so much I suppose.

Perhaps he will be fine in school and just not fine at home. Its a good thing in the grand scheme of things just rather hard to come to terms with as a parent.

OP posts:
Ben10WasTheSpawnNowWeLoveLego · 13/09/2011 10:15

Well done Smug for mentioning it.

DS is different at home and school.

He is not NT at school but he keeps aggression, rudeness, violence for home. At school, the new teacher acknowledges that he has lots of different difficulties and is working out strategies for us and is already noticing the behaviours that are not on purpose but because of outside stimuli etc.

I am pleased that he doesn't behave the same in both environments as it means that he will hopefully not do anything that will mean that he hurts other children or gets himself in trouble. I don't see it that it is because they is doing a better job than me but more that it is a different environment and it feels safe at home. Hope you can see it this way if he does continue to be different at home and at school.

Good luck Mini Smug on having a dry day at school :)

Lougle · 13/09/2011 10:27

DD1 is a relative angel at school, and can be hostile, agressive and violent at home. So don't think you are alone there Smile

justaboutstillhere · 13/09/2011 10:53

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