Please remind smug why she is on this parenting course? Incredible Years

[smugtandemfeeder]

Went along to the first session of the incredible years parenting course we went on last night. The annoying pead made it a condition of giving us 60 melatonin tablets. (Those have been used already and he says he wont prescribe them again so if we dont go to course we havent lost the melatonin.)

I had high hopes that it would be a very indepth brain storming event where all the parents with similar kids gave each other ideas about how to help in situations.

Actually it was two and a half hours of patronising shit with awful patronising dvds.

I think my 3 year old DS actually finds us patronising. Hilarious.

I remember when DD was being bullied.

Apparently I could fix it by going on a parenting course. So I agreed. At the time I was attending 'High Scope'; organised by the local EY SN Co-ordinator as she planned (& has) to use me for care for children with complex needs.

During lunch on the High Scope course I said I was doing a parenting course. "Where?" asked the local EY SN Co-ordinator
'Not sure yet' says Katymac
"Oh do it at XXXX" says the local EY SN Co-ordinator
'OK' Says I, 'When is it?'
"Well you tell me when you want to run it" says the local EY SN Co-ordinator "& I'll have a group of parents waiting for you"

Result long & complex discussion of why I might need a parenting course & a significant amount of giggling by the local EY SN Co-ordinator

It's hard to attend one, but if over 14 weeks you learn 1 tiny thing it's probably worth it & if you don't learn anything then at least you now you are doing the best you can

That is of course if all the other parents don't up and leave by six weeks of course !

Ah, all fuel for your diary of 'huge difficulties for which regular approaches don't work without substantial modification'. Plus 2.5 hours sitting down and a cup of tea.

And you might want to disrupt the class by asking check that your facilitator is a relevant qualified professional and using course material appropriate for the 5th level of Webster-Stratton as per this pyramid.

Smug GOOD LUCK and I mean that!!, I was made to attend Strengthening Families, Strengthening Communities programme.

OMG I have never met such a bunch!! the other parents all working, nurses, social workers, teachers etc in the same group because their 14+yr old had been smoking drugs, truanting, staying out late, refusing to help indoors - and the longest any of them had had to deal with this was for 8 months.

By week 9 I had had enough and told them what I thought of their attitudes of "I can't wait for DD/DS to be 16 so they can leave home"

I totally lost it and for the first time stopped playing the game. I still managed the next 4 weeks somehow and I gained a lot of friends.

Its the same pyramid system they used as well.

Seriously good luck I know how hard it is, I was told to write DS1 a love letter - can you imagine giving a 12yr old a love letter from mummy?????

The problem is, most NHS bodies and councils will only fund parenting courses that are 'evidence based'. Which just means someone has expended time and money doing a data collection and statistical analysis which can be presented as showing that some participants benefitted.

It doesn't show that you were anything like the participants who did benefit, nor that the measured benefit was of any practical use, nor that the statistical tests were appropriate. But it means that parents of neurologically disabled children can be sent to a course designed for emotionally troubled families because having a table of expensive statistics irrelevant to the context means 'it's evidence based'.

Rant over.

week two.... I'm back at the course....brought mumsnet with me. covert!

week two.... I'm back at the course....brought mumsnet with me. covert!

phew!

Any good looking guys?

Well I didn't manage to post mid lesson today, not that brave! No 18 year olds, no... I didn't learn a thing today, and said so at the end. Looking forward to next week.

smug - you may want to appear most interested and cooperative at your sessions as I believe a brief note of your engagement in the program is compiled and kept on their records - i dont know much about your story but i gather it is important that you are seen to be trying to get the most out of this super-duper parenting program (!), so it might be just as well to put on a good show (as though whoever it is that sent you on the course will be receiving a school report about you!!!)

Okay, - so don't be defensive. Be proactive.

In your feedback, give some positives plus some examples that show/tell them how they could have done it better. Even better if you write it down so they can send it to your paed.

Otherwise they'll dislike you and write to your paed saying you sulked all the way through.

I agree its important to do that. I gave low scores in my feedback this week but I have 14 weeks to play the game better and add constructive feedback for them. There is one man on the course who sulks, looks pissed off and angry and isn't talking. He looks like a right tosser and I instantly judge him as a parent so I was very aware not to come across like him. Hard to look interested when it is so painfully boring though. We spent 15 minutes going over the rules again. FFS.

The rules?

Oh god. Did you suggest that one of the rules is that you don't keep going over the rules.

I understand that one of the targets for the facilitators is how to get mandated parents to WANT to come back next week.

Perhaps you can add that to the rules for them.

I ended up on one of these courses, including stickers, and it was truly awful. I complained about it to the referring consultant, but with no come-back. For me, it raised questions about complete lack of informed consent - I asked questions beforehand what the course was about and was given no information whatsoever. Handing out stickers and sweeties to positively reinforce good behaviour is a sort of CBT/psychotherapy technique, and it seems very unethnical to do this without agreeing that you wanted your behaviour to be positively reinforced by some daft woman wearing a very insincere fixed grin. It's very hard to say NO to this type of intervention when you're told that it's the best thing for your child but it's awful.

Plus, for something like the IY programme, the starting assumption is that the children's problems are related to the behaviour of the parents (e.g. problems in family relationships, too much tv, etc etc) rather than their medical conditions such as ADHD, ASD. A really awful message to give parents of these kids.

Great to hear that other people hate them do ("patronising s**t" just about sums it up) cos it's not something you ever hear of.

Oh god I had to do Webster Stratton far too long and no good for dealing with autistic son