Please don't feel badly about this. You are not a failure, and anyone would have tears in their eyes under that sort of pressure.
My DS1 is now 7, Dx ASD with a working Dx of PDA.
When he was younger, I struggled to get him to allow any type of procedure to be done.
If it makes you feel any better to hear some stories of disastrous visists, we once went to the baby clinic with DS3 (at about 4 months-they hadn't seen him since the home visits stopped because I couldn't face going!).
I had the baby in a sling, DS2 at about 20 months in a pushchair, and a 3YO DS1 (who ran in rings everywhere).
HV in her infinite wisdom decided they all needed weighing, all in the nude. She suggested DS1 should go first, to show the others what to do. He went absolutely ballistic, screaming, shouting and slamming into things. The other 2 started as well, and so all 3 were screaming in terror. HV kept trying to pull clothes off DS1 or DS2, neither of whom were having any of it.
She then got exasperated and huffily said she'd do the baby. So I removed his nappy and discovered the massive poo he'd been harbouring...and because I'd come out in a panic I had nothing with me.
I said something to the HV like 'I don't think I'll bother doing this again,' thinking she might offer me a crumb of reassurance, but she just looked down her nose at me and said 'No, I don't think you should!' I never got them weighed again, and I spent the rest of the day (probably the rest of the week!) in tears.
There was another visit to have some innoculations. As far as I knew, DS3 needed his, and DS1 needed a booster, but I didn't have the reminder letters. I gave the blue books to the nurse, but DS1 created so badly she ended up repeating one jab he'd already had, and giving him another one he wasn't meant to have! The entire surgery was disrupted then, and a GP came to support. The nurse was in tears and we felt so sorry for her we didn't even think till later what damage these 'extra' jabs might have done to DS1!
And as for the epic drama of the time he lost a bead in his ear...don't get me started. 4 separate hospital visits and a day as an in patient with a general anaesthetic...When a simple pair of tweezers could have done the job!
As he gets older though, it is getting easier.
Oh, and just to put your mind at rest, he has never managed a hearing test, but the doctor did suggest that I stood behind him when he is engrosed in something else and quietly ask if he'd like some chocolate. If he responds, he can hear!
. I've used the 'chocolate test' for my next 2 DSs and they all 3 passed!
Please don't worry about this. Have a
and relax!