My dilemma...please advise

[anniebear]

Grace and Ellie (Ellie SN) have been invited to their first party from a girl at School.

Ellie only goes for a session a week with a helper from her SN School so it is very nice for the Mum to invite her also.

Was very nice for me also as you can imagine.

It is at a indoor soft play. Grace would be ok staying on her own now but I will have to stay to look after Ellie.

Grace will be really good but, if I go and am there the whole time, she may play up and might not act as she might normally because I am there watching her. I will most probably end up telling her off.

But if I don't go and stay Ellie can't go to the party and it is lovely for her to have received an invite

My dilemma.......

Do I go, stay and look after Ellie and risk ruining it slightly for Grace and she may end up playing up and getting told off by me?

Or should I just take Grace, let her go to her first school friend party and take Ellie some were else on our own?

Don't know if that makes sense. But most of you will know how your child is so good for others then so awful for yourself, and I know Grace could be awful if I was there. But I don't want Ellie to miss out (she wouldn't actually understand that she has missed anything, but I would)

Thank you!!!

AB

In my experience parties at soft plays with my NT 6 year old have always followed the same pattern in that I see him for about the first two minutes then he disappears into the soft play area with his friends and I don't see him until the end. So it might be that Grace won't cause too many problems because she will be off playing, or do you think you being there will make her clingy?

Ds2 (4) with SN has been asked to a few parties by other mothers from the preschool. Two of these have been at soft plays and I have made an excuse and not gone. I feel that it would just turn into a soft play session for me and Ds2 and we would end up being away from the party most of the time because he wouldn't keep up with the other children and would need me to play with him. However I have tried to take him to other parties that are not at the soft play and I am grateful to the other mothers for including him.

Sorry that isn't really advice. Do you think Ellie will enjoy it? If so I would risk Grace playing up and take her. At the age of 4 I imagine quite a few of the other mothers would be staying anyway and so you won't be the only one. If you don't think Ellie will enjoy it then I wouldn't take her. I find parties quite hard because there are the inevitable comparisons with the peer group so I would also take into consideration whether you feel like you can face it also. The other thing is that they are both bound to get invited to other parties together so you might decide what sort of precedent you want to set. Sorry I don't think that helps much.

Thanks

Not worried about the comparison as I have Grace to compare her with daily! I get more upset at seeing younger children doing more than her.

Yes, maybe Grace will just run off and I won't see her!! She wouldn't be clingy, not after the first 5 minutes anyway!!

Ellie would love it, but the particular play area isn't the best one for her and I am not sure if she would be able to get around it well, but she would enjoy herself.

Could always take DH with me as it is over the Christmas Holidays so he could take her round if she gets stuck

Too be honest it is a good 20 minutes drive so I might of ended up staying anyway. Might not eb worth me going home

I wasn't sure if parents stayed or not when they get to Reception???? At the girls 4th Party some parents stayed and some went.

Bit OTT calling it a dilemma wasn't I?!!! lol. Just not really sure what to do

Thanks again xx

Yes, I'm going to have this every time there is a party if the Parents are kind enough to invite her.

Just feel sorry for Grace, she may end up with me being at every party

It is very nice of the Parent and it made me happy that she got an invite, also they did seperate invites for them which was nice

Imagine if she hadn't have invited her...I would have been on here all upset and moaning lol so I should be glad of this teeny weeny dilemma!!!

Do you have someone who is close to you all who could go in your place as one-to-one for Ellie? My two youngest are only 18 months apart and sometimes get invited places together, but Alex, 5, needs constant one-to-one wherever he goes. Sometimes, my best friend will take them and BOTH of them are better behaved for her than me!

Failing that, if you know Ellie will enjoy it, go anyway and risk the fall out. Grace will probably be off doing her own thing with all her school pals anyway.

Alex, now in Y1 of mainstream, has never been invited to anyone's party This bothers me a bit as you can tell I'm sure, lol.

SJ x

Anniebear - I would stay. Have always stayed at parties with both of mine and stopped when ds was about 6 1/2. Just feel it's a huge responsibility for 1 person to look after so many little ones and I am sure the other parents will feel the same.

If I was you I would go along with both girls. Good luck xxx

if ab is like me at those things though she would be no use for sharing responsibility for the rest of them though bh as all her time would be taken up with ellie.

I would tend to let grace go on her own - unless there was someone else who could go for ellie. It's such a tricky balance. really hard.

IDAAX - I know that Ab's time will be spent with Ellie. What I was trying to say was that it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for a mum to stay with a 4 year old. Also I am sure the mum is aware Ellie has sn so wouldn't expect Ab to help with other kids. I hope that makes sense
I just think it's such a shame for Ellie to miss out. Getting used to doing these things is going to help Ellie no end. I know as my own dd was so hard (and still is) when we go to parties but the more she has been to the better it has been for her and me. Also I worry that if you do turn invites down they may not invite again which is a shame.

Thanks!!

To be honest, thinking about it, I am very unlikely to see Grace at all!!! Once she has seen her School Friends she will be off!!

I think I will go and take DH then he can go and rescue Ellie when she needs it!!

It's not till the 30th Dec so I will let you know how it goes!!

Now I will have the worries of...I will look so stressed out compared to the other Mums!! and the worst of all...when the hot food arrives, Ellie can't wait for it to cool and will have a tantrum. Will have to take some raisons!!

Never ends eh?!!! lol

Oh no, I defo won't be helping to look after any others !!!!!! lol

Can't even look afetr my own properly!!

It is not at a local play area so I wonder if most of the other parents will also stay? more the merrier to see what Tantrums Ellie can perform!!!

Right I think this. It is very unlikely that you will see much of Grace apart from during the eating bit. You also imply (hope I'm correct on this) that you think that Ellie may not receive as many party invites in the future as Grace and that she will enjoy this party. Therefore I think that you should take Ellie. Grace can always go to a party on her own at a later date. If you could manouevre it so that Ellie and Grace aren't sat together for the food Grace may be less likely to play you up at that point.

To be honest, I think she only got this invite because shes Graces twin sister, she only goes to Graces Mainstream School for half a day a week at the moment with a helper.

I did wonder what would happen when the invites starting coming in. Bit hard to invite one twin and not the other.

The little girls might not have asked for Ellie to come, it might have just been the very thoughtful Mum (I shall thank her and tell her how much it has meant, but not the dilemma lol)

But I am sure this year particulary she will be invited to most of them. The other Children really like her.

Then again, wait untill she has swiped their Chicken nuggets off there plate !!!!!

I would still go for it, especially as DH is available to come along. You can take each invitation as it comes. But it seems a shame for Ellie to miss out (even if she is unaware) when you will probably hardly see Grace. DS is 4 and I don't think he cares either way whether I stay or go when he is at a party.

The chances of the food being hot when it arrives at a soft play children's party are fairly slim so you shouldn't have any problems there . You definitely wouldn't be unusual to stay for a four year old. I used to stay with Ds1 because he didn't like me to go at that age and I was by no means the only one. And there were still two mothers there at Ds1's recent 6th party so there will be some children who don't like being left right up to that age.

Sorry I wasn't meaning to be insensitive about the comparisons with other kids, I know you have Grace there all the time and so you are used to it, but sometimes it's worse when you see groups of them together and your own child being left out or unable to join in. Today at preschool the children spontaneously organised themselves into a game of ring a roses but DS2 didn't join in. Things like that get to me a bit .

Definitely take your Dh if you can then you will have a chance to chat to the other mothers a bit.

Saker

Didn't think for one minute you were being insenstive....didnt even cross my mind

Seeing Grace do things that Ellie can't do still often hurts so much, I don't think I even think about other kids their age!!

As I said for me it's the little ones that were born a few 2/3 years ago and you watch them slowly overtake her

If I didn't have Grace around I think I would be a lot more upset at what her peers could do, but I feel that I have front row seats at home so why look at the others!!

Thanks for all your comments

xxx

we are now up to 6th b'day partys and majority of mums still stay, those who don't leave kids with different mum rather than as responsibility of party mum.

Must admit, on the rare occasions that ds gets invited to parties along with dd I make the most of it. It's exhausting for me keeping him out of trouble but he enjoys it in his own way so it's worth it. Even now that they are getting older I'm never the only mum who stays. As you have said it's often not worth going all the way home and coming back again.

If I were you I'd give it a try. If it's really a disaster you know what to do next time! Anyway, perhaps Grace will be too caught up in the excitement of the party, getting dressed up/carrying the present etc to play you up. Also, if you don't take Ellie this time she may not get invited again which might make you feel worse.

TBH I find that DS is worst leaving the party/afterwards when he is tired but filled up with e numbers, sugar etc. So Grace might be fine while actually at the party.

I told the Mum today that they would eb going and I thanked her for inviting Ellie , she said "Oh DD was adament that she came to her party"

Oh thats lovely.

Fantastic!

Annie- are you a single parent? Because it did occur to me that one solution would be for someone else to take both girls, which would give you a bit of a break into the bargain. Do you have a partner or family who you could shinagle (no idea how to spell that word!) into taking them?

Have a Hubby!! He will come with me

Thanks xxx