I would cure dd1 in an instant, if I could.
I would happily get rid of autism form our lives - both for ehr sake and mine (and ours as a family).
I have learnt a lot from having a severely disabled daughter. I have had to. But I would cure her of her disability without doubt.
I would take away her anxiety, and her insecurity. I would take away her language delay, and I would give her the ability ot relate to the peers she is so desperate to play with. I would take away her inability to attend clubs and extra curricular activities, and I wish she could have the same opportunities that dd2 has.
yes, without autism dd1 would be a different person. she would be a child who knows how to play. a child who is not scared to do anyhting wihtout adult support. a child who can cope without having me by her side for every waking second. a child without such deep insecurities that she cannot answer a demand (any demand) placed on her without incredible amounts of support and encouragement. a child who would allow herself to enjoy things without constantly worrying about some facet of it. a child without such deep obsessional phobias that at times just getting through the day can be hard.
from a selfish point of view she woudl be a child who can attend dh's birthday party htis weekend (dinner party - big, important birthday), rather than having to exclude her, for her own comfort and happiness.
biomed has lessened all of the above a LOT, for dd1. we no longer have wildly varying days. sure, like any child she can have good days and bad days. but her bad days are logical now, and we are not often second guessing. there is no see-sawing of emotions, happy one secomd and screaming the next, like there used to be.
I was searching through old photo files on my computer last night, trying to find side profile pictures of me and dh (don't ask!), and came across a folder of films taken when dd2 was born. I chuckled through the cute gurgly ones of dd2. and was profoundly moved by the films I had of dd1 at that time. she was 2.6/3 ish in the films. she could not talk clearly, had little language, could barely walk properly such was her clumsiness. she hand flapped, and bounced off the furniture (literally). in a film of her at the playground, where she was trying to climb on the toddler climbing frame, she looked like someone you would see learning to walk again after a severe spinal injury - very jerky movements, clearly not having full control of her limbs.
we started gf/cf shortly after these films were taken. and I will be forever glad we did, and thankful to all the posters on MN who took the time to answer my queries at that time, and point me in the right direction.
dd1 is already a different child, because of these interventions. and I do not regret that for one second.