Is it anything to do with what I did?

[extremepie]

I know this seems silly but I just wanted an impartial view on things.

When I was pregnant with my DS2 (about 18 weeks?) I took an overdose of paracetamol as I was extremely depressed. It was a lot, 6 packs so about 92 tablets, certainly enough to kill me.

DS2 was diagnosed with autism earlier this year. Ever since I have felt so horribly guilty that it is somehow my fault. Everyone I know doesn't think the two have anything to do with each other but, not knowing much about autism, I am just not sure.

I love my son so much and am over the depression but I can't stop thinking that I might have ruined his chance to have a 'normal' life because of my stupid, selfish act.

Am I wrong?

Yes you are wrong the two have nothing to do with each other.

Is there any history of Autism or odd behaviour in either your family or ds's fathers. If the answer is yes then this will help you to understand why your ds has autism and will stop you blaming yourself.

If not then you are in the same boat as many of us who don't know and blame ourselves for something we did. I often blame myself as I don't think I talked enough to my dd when she was little. It's self destructive and doesn't help but sometimes we want to blame ourselves as it's probably something we can control.

Have a look at Simon Baron Cohens research on Autism (if you feel up to that level of understanding) he has some theories that may help you put it in perspective.

No history of anything in either of our families really, so far we've all been extremely ordinary as far as I know :)

Only exception is my DH's younger sister who has Down's.

I know I'm being silly but some days I think are harder than others and its those days I tend to blame myself more.

Will try and look up that info, thanks :)

It is nothing to do with what you did and I am glad you are all ok now

We all look to ourselves first that is human motherly instinct that makes us feel somehow responsible for something which has gone wrong. Be it a row with an older child or giving a reprimand and consequence to a younger child. I still check myself and think "what started this was it me?" "should I have paid more attention?"

When going through family videos to help me with my DS milestones etc I could see all was not well as a baby. No smile, no eye contact, crowds at a party and he was just sitting there shut down. How didnt I notice what was wrong then? I cant put them on anymore because I feel guilty that I didnt notice and thought it was normal. Its a mum thing so stop blaming yourself.

It's hard to get past this sometimes. I was given medication before I knew I was pregnant with DS2 (had my appendix out while pregnant, but didn't know I was pregnant at the time). It was meds that should NOT be taken while you're pregnant. I've wondered a number of times if it may have contributed, but there's not much I can do about it now. No family history that I'm aware of either. But I know if I hadn't taken those meds, I would have dredged up something else I had done during pregnancy (something I might have eaten, stress, you know...) and probably blamed myself for that as well. It's normal.

There are plenty of children born to parent of substantial continuous substance misuse and most if them don't have autism. Same with alcohol, stress and pretty much anything else you can conjure up to blame yourself. It is hard not having a reason and in a way it is hard he ing nothing to blame. I think we feel that if we can identify the cause we are one step closer to the solution.