very sensitive question (really don't want to offend anyone)

[catevs]

Hi i'm sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this although i'm not sure if anywhere is the right place to ask something like this but I was just wondering has anyone had a abortion because they were worried about having another autistic child?

I have a son with autism and I know alot of parents feel very passionate and positive and regard their kids having it as a kind of gift but I honestly struggle like hell with the fact he has it and just wouldn't of been able to cope with two autistic kids as I can barely cope with him. My younger brother has aspergers syndrome (he is 13) and when I look after him and my son together i'm a nervous wreck by the end of it.

The last thing I want to do is offend anyone and I know anyone reading this will think i'm a monster and your right I am. I'm not a strong person like most of you parents and I really wish I was and I'm struggling with the fact I had an abortion and just feel so angry my son has this damned condition I don't feel like going on most days. I was just hoping to hear from anyone else who has been in my position although I doubt alot of people would of taken the easy way out like I did.

I'm sorry to have gone on and I really appreciate anyone who has taken the time to read this. Catrin xx

Aw bless you Catrin. You didn't take the easy option at all; abortion is not an easy option, at least for 99% of people, it's a very hard decision.
And you did well to recognise your own limitations.

I had already had both my SLD boys when eldest was diagnosed and then youngest with same genetic condition. I have no idea what I would've done if I'd fallen for youngest after I found out about eldest!
Nobody knows what they would do until they're in that situation and no one can judge others for their decisions regarding such delicate and emotive issues.
You sound like you're beating yourself up a bit here honey and you shouldn't. You did what felt right for you and your family.

Catrin, you are not a monster. I haven't terminated a pregnancy because of this, but I won't be having any more children for the same reasons. I have two (one NT, one with ASD) and I honestly think another child with such a high level of need in our family would be the straw that broke the camel's back. I love my boy dearly, but I couldn't do this again. No way.

Wow I didn't expect so many replies! I seen my doctor again on Wednesday and have decided to get some counselling. Thankyou all so much for your support and just talking to me because it has really helped me and it means so much so thankyou all from the bottom of my heart. Catrin

Pleased you are going to get some counselling, it will help you through the difficult time you are having, good luck!! :)

I was wondering if you'd pop back OP

Glad to hear about the counselling and remember this board is always here if you need support or to vent.

Glad you've managed to get some counselling, hope it really helps. Hope you'll want to post again soon let is know how you're doing, take care.

Parenting a kid with autism is at leat 5x the work of parenting a NT child I feel. Especially when you take into account the isolation, struggles to obtain appropriate health and education services etc. Or at least it is if you want to give the child you already have the best possible chance of a decent adult life. Some Mums can cope brilliantly with several sen kids, (NOT me lol!) - don't forget other Mums can't manage just the one NT child and the NT child ends up in care.

Knowing your limits is something nobody should ever criticise you for. You sound as if you are trying to be the best Mum you can to the child you have and to ensure that child gets the best parenting and start in life you can give them. You've chosen the best thing for YOUR circumstances and family, noone but you can take a walk in your shoes as all our children are so very different. We all have different levels of financial, social and family support too and these factors can make a massive difference to how as Mums we can cope. Sad as it sounds I wish more people would have the self-awareness and compassion to make the choice you have. IMHO you are a brilliant Mum and a very brave woman.

Good luck with the councilling.

I was nearly hospitalised by the prenatal mental health team because of my anxiety about having "Another child like Ds1"

You are not weak. It is blisteringly hard work sometimes.

I had my friend's three (nt) children for a sleepover. My friend was amazed (and aghast) when I informed her that it had made absolutely fuck all difference to my normal night-time workload.

Hello

Firstly I just wanted to pick up on something you said earlier, you're DS SN is absolutely NOT YOUR FAULT, you may have carried him and reared him but it is just one of those things.

Secondly absolutely agree with everyone who has said you are not a monster for considering a termination for all the reasons above,

But I did just want to say consider the alternative. I can seriously sympathise, was totally against the idea of further DC but my marriage had broken down and now I'm with a new partner who (although loving my DC) would like (at least) one biologically related. I have had big concerns of the affect of another SN child, but then on a ASD course I met a mum to 5 Kids 3 with ASD who totally opened my eyes. From what I've seen of her, her ability to cope just swelled. Cos you know more how to get the help, your more aware of what it takes to raise an ASD it not perhaps easier, but not as hard as you might anticipate. (her house is awash with makaton signs, trampolines and all he other things that help!!!). Don't know what i'll do in the future but i did at least reduce some of the dread.

(Caveat I do think in our area though we get quite a lot of support)