I need to stay strong...

[thornrose]

My AS dd wants to sleep in my bed, as always. She can't do this, she is 12 next month.
She is trying every trick in the book and I need to stay strong.
She has cried, begged, screamed and now she's being abusive. I cannot give in and I'm writing this to help me not give in even if no-one responds

Gosh, you've had a lot to deal with, thornrose. I suppose you have to pick your battles. Decide what is really important to you and deal with things one at a time, or just a few at a time.

I really feel for her sake she needs to be able to settle herself back to sleep at this age! I think it's wrong for an almost 12 year old to still be coming into her mum's bed.

Well, yes! But she's had a bereavement and isn't emotionally mature to deal with it. But it might be that it's the battle you want to fight first!

How are you doing, thorny? Was this your DH that you lost? Ignore me if you don't want to talk about it.

We were separated, he died very suddenly and unexpectedly in March 2010.
I was a single parent anyway but he had lots of contact. It's hard being the only parent, completely different.

The thing is she's being doing this all her life, she's never settled herself back to sleep.
Getting her to go off to sleep in her own bed was a major acheivement for her. We just seem to have got stuck in this "routine" now.
It means neither of us ever have an undisturbed night.

That's so hard for you. Just because you were separated doesn't mean it's any easier. In fact, probably harder because there's more confused feelings and some unnecessary guilt thrown into the mix. I hope you've got some good RL support.

Definitely a good start if she can settle by herself at the start of the night. It will, eventually, move on to settling back to sleep on her own. Do you try bed hopping yourself? I mean going into her bed once she's gone to sleep in yours.