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Original poster

Pretending not to be bovvered

34 replies

nenevomito · 01/08/2011 22:18

Tomorrow I have our first appointment with the paediatrician. DH forgot, so its just me going alone with DS. I am pretending not to be worried.

I am worried that he'll act 'normal' all the way through so they send us away without help. This is boy who had a melt down and tried to hide himself under my shirt as he was "scared of the people" when we went somewhere crowded.

Is it wrong that I want him to have a 'bad day'?

It doesn't help that the GPs wanted to know why I was bothering to take him as they are still firmly in the "nothing wrong" camp.

I'm tired and need to go to bed now. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

OP posts:

DeWe · 02/08/2011 23:08

I think (some) men deal with it very differently.
When we found on the scan that dd2 didn't have all her fingers and toes (missing hand) dh was just a bit and then came home and spent the next few days looking at eveything on the internet he could find. (and what a lot of rubbish there is out there!) I otoh wanted to discuss what we'd need to adapt and cry over our suddenly not-so-perfect baby. He didn't seem to think there was anything really to discuss. It was very irritating but even now, because I deal with the day to day stuff he tend to say "that's no problem" and I have to really point it out that it is before he realises.

Triggles · 03/08/2011 01:51

Okay. I'll go out on a limb and state that perhaps your friend was saying "cool" in a "oh what a relief for you, as now you know what's going on so you can accept it and learn how to help your child and such" aspect?? Only saying...

DH was very matter of fact about it initially... then fell apart a few weeks later. I think it takes some men longer to admit how much it affects them.

coff33pot · 03/08/2011 01:57

Friends say stupid things at the wrong time. The term 'cool' would be the last thing I would want to see by a text! Maybe a phone call to you straight back might have been better. I hate texts there is no feeling or emotion in them when you read them.

It could well be that she knows you have been going from pillar to post to help your son and felt it was good that it has come to a close for you. Thats how people on the outside see it. That you have battled and you have had your answer. Thats their innocence of it all.

Might sound daft but when I told my Mum what the pead said. Her answer was "see you were right" "you have known all along and now its all sorted" and hugged me. Now in my head was.........no its not bloody alright and I am hurting. I wanted a happy future for my son not the frightened and confused one he is facing. I couldnt shout at her though as she was the only one that has backed me and is a hands on good nanny and has never told me you are imagining things but researched with me.

So I guess I am saying that NO ONE is going to say the right thing because you are so vulnerable right now.

Soooo sending you virtual hugs with my mouth shut

coff33pot · 03/08/2011 01:57

THAT was not supposed to be a cheesy grin it was a x

auntevil · 03/08/2011 07:52

I'm with coff33pot on this. Give me support that can walk the walk, rather than the myriad of 'help' that can only talk the talk.
True friends - regardless of inane comments here and there - stick with you for the long haul.
for the confirmation, that it might give you more help and support, on tap for the many times you might need them.

mariamagdalena · 03/08/2011 14:44

hiya babyheave

I remember the kick in the guts. Despite the fact that it wasn't a suprise, or even that the paed had already said asn asd diagnosis would be official 'at some point'.

Hard to cope with those around you being ignorant, cheerful and b**y annoying, when what you need is a cuddle while you cry and shout that it isn't fair. That may or may not work on your dh and dm, perhaps more chance of it with tactless best friend?

[and at the risk of badly putting my foot in it... perhaps don't put her top of the list to help ds with his social skills... )

mariamagdalena · 03/08/2011 14:48

typo, sorry: 'an' asd diagnosis
and joking aside, sometimes good people who've messed up will end up the most helpful.

['additional syndromes I might be tempting fate with' emoticon]

sc13 · 03/08/2011 14:58

Give yourself some time; it is going to take time. I guess it's going to take some time for those close to you as well - with few exceptions, half of family/friends were in denial and the other half were commiserating DH and I as if we'd been given a death sentence. My, have we all changed.
I'd say DS (5, dx of ASD two years ago) IS cool actually, but I think it's because I style his outfits

Original poster

nenevomito · 03/08/2011 20:32

That made me smile mariamagdalena. :)

I did get an apology today. Not the best one, but an apology all the same, so I'm feeling a bit better.

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