Meeting tomorrow with ds teacher etc

[jenk1]

me, dh and ds are having a meeting tomorrow at 3.30pm with ds teacher who is the SENCO, the learning mentor,the EWO, and Parent Partnership.

PP rang me this morning and said they,d spoke to the headteacher and she had said "Well DS is a good boy, very bright and doesnt cause US any problems so i dont see what we can have been doing"

PP said basically they dont believe what we are saying about ds-how school affects him and thats with a report from the child psychologists that the headteacher "forgot" to pass on to the SENCO and even tell the SENCO who is ds teacher that he is AS/ASD!

I am to take a copy of the letter to the meeting tomorrow, PP basically said that what we are hoping for tomorrow is an acknowledgement that DS has problems and doesnt know how to ask for help.

DS is absolutely mortified at having to go in tomorrow and be asked questions, i have told him he doesnt have to answer anything he doesnt have to, he told me that he often goes all day without a drink because he "doesnt like asking for one"
and that the kids in class poke him,call him names and pull his hair and tell him he,s gay
and thats in class when his teacher is there!

He said he has tried to tell over the kids but gets told off for telling tales so he doesnt bother any more.

So we shall see how we go on tomorrow, im ready for them anyway its all been simmering slowly for a few months, DH keeps telling me to "make sure you keep your hair on" because i have an awful temper and when it comes to your kids well..........

Jenk sounds like a difficult time for you
My ds was picked on with exactly the same phrses and actions as you describe, and got no help from the techers either and became known as too soft to cope with normal life - which was total bollox. And my ds is NT and usually able to ask for help and stuff.

I hope like hell they acknowledge this for you, and set in palce some kind of support network/sysytem for you all.
Good luck tomorrow xx

Good luck jenk, sounds like you're going to need it. Although I know you won't let them fob you off, you've certainly got some fight in you. Lets hope they finally get round to acknowledging your ds's difficulites, poor lad.

Good luck jenk.

Good luck, Jenk. I think under the circumstances I'd be pretty angry too. I hope they manage to sort things out. xx

Good luck, Jenk. I think under the circumstances I'd be pretty angry too. I hope they manage to sort things out. xx

Oops! Double good luck for you then.

Oh Gossh...I wish you all the luck in the world.
having been theer and been told that Ds2 wasnt having any problems I understand what you are going through.

I met up with the old school administrator yesterday and she asked how Ds2 was getting on at his new school...told her how much he has settled and that he is thriving...she smiled and said "good on you for not giving up, it broke my heart watching him struggle every day and listening to you being told there wasnt a problem made me want to scream"...turns out that the school were told by the LEA not to agree with what we were saying as they hoped I would shut up and put up and give up the fight...had I done that then DS2 wouldnt be here today

stick by your guns and remember you know best...youre his mom.

Aw, thanks for all your messages of support.

JM- did your ds have part time schooling and then eventually go to a special school?

Everyone ive spoke to keeps saying "oh no a special school he will regress"

Even my aunty said it who is a school teacher.

I took DS2 out of school and home educated him for a year with the help of a link education tutor.
Special school started in September and I had all the talk about regression...codswollop!!!!.

The school have got my son reading...he can now write his first name and last night sat and told me all about the five senses...he couldnt even write the first letter of his name when he was a MS school. The right environment is just what DS2 needed to unlock his door to learning and IMO proves that MS was the wrong place for him....he was in MS for 4 years and acheived very, very little...3 months in SSchool and he is whizzing along

I think the assumption that a child will regress in a special school is a load of cobblers. If the school is right for a child they will make progress

Let us know how it went today jenk.

i will, its at 3.30pm im so nervous i cant eat anything!

im really nervous about this afternoon, i just know they are going to say "DS doesnt tell us when people are picking on him, or when he,s getting too anxious or worried"

how do i convince them that he IS having problems and that it is at home where he shows his emotions?

He automatically thinks that everyone KNOWS what is going on/what he wants/needs so how do i explaing that to the school who dont want to acknowledge it?

Feeling really anxious.

Your meeting's any minute now..... hope it goes well.

Well we went.- Its going to be a long one.

There was an air of an attitude straightaway and that was from the SENCO- who is actually DS,s form teacher.

She said having read reports from hospital that in her mind DS is not Autistic but has Autistic Traits and she should know because she,s the SENCO and she hasnt picked up on anything before.

The Parent Partnership lady immediately drew her breath and WHAM- she told SENCO that a child with HF autism is usually very good in a routine-controlled environment such as a timetabled classroom and struggles to express emotions, she said she knew a boy who all his teachers said- A1 pupil, no trouble but the minute his mother picked him up from school he was aggresive and wouldnt talk.

"Well DS doesnt come and tell us when he feels like this"

I said "no thats because he has a problem with communication, if he wont tell his parents his problems and the only reason we know what they are is because the child psychologists got him to open up then what chance do you have?"

"But he,s very clever"- PP-"yes a lot of HF children are" "SENCO_he doesnt have any academic special needs" PP"no he has emotional/mental ones though"

She had to argue to get them to even consider putting him on the special needs register-which they have done and she had to ask 3 times for RANS which is our local special needs department to come and assess DS.

So, DS is to go back into school from 1.15pm to 3.15pm and i am to have worksheets to do with him in the morning.

They are also putting him in the "young and gifted group to give him additional work as we all feel that DS is frustrated in the classroom and needs extra work to keep him busy-he will be given work 2 years in advance as they believe he is up to that level.

They noted that after dinner time he was hyper and very giddy, i said that depends on what he,s eaten because he reacts to sugar, so they have asked that when he comes back full time that he goes on packed lunch so that i can control his diet.

Also they are getting him a visual timetable and then SENCO admitted that maybe the reason she hasnt noticed anything wrong is because she keeps her classroom timetable to a strict routine!!

It's frightening how someone can be a SENCO but not know the basics about HFA. I suppose as usual it all comes down to funding.

I'm so glad you had someone with you who knew what they were talking about.

Do you feel this meeting accomplished much, other than realsing that the SENCO has no knowledge of HF children. It's positive that they realise his potential though and are prepared to give him work normally aimed at much older children. Are you O.K with taking him back to school in the afternoons? How does your ds feel about that?

yes, me and dh both feel happier that they have acknowledged ds does have problems.

We were really surprised that the one person who was argumentative throughout was the SENCO, DS learning mentor was really nice as was the EWO.

She even had the cheek to ask me did i think DS was "putting on these symptoms" for my benefit!!

I said that i wasnt aware of any child that could vomit/self harm/soil themselves and be generally depressed to order was she?

She shut up then.

Ds is fine about going in the afternoons as there is no play time which is what he hates,
and we feel that he will be given support now-well if he doesnt then the various professionals will be asking why, i have thought about Home Edding long and hard these past 2 weeks but Ds is too advanced for me to teach him!!

He needs to be given work that will really help him used his brain to the best of his advantage and i cant do that - not with dd who has problems as well.

They all said that they feel a special school isnt what ds needs, the psychs recommended that ds be kept busy as he gets frustrated through boredom waiting for the other kids to finish their work!!
Maybe this is what he needs more to do because he is happy when working.

How appalling to learn how little she knows about HFA but perhaps it will prevent any problems in the future.
Good on the other who helped support your case
I hope your ds starts to come on really well from here
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Spoke to the ladt from PP this morning who said she had to ask SENCO 3 times to phone RANS, who have experience in dealing with HF autism as SENCO does not accept that ds is on the spectrum!

But like you say if it helps another child in the future then it can only be a good thing

I think it all sounds quite positive if blimmin hard work for you! Its good that the other professionals could see how resistant the SENCO is. I don't think its THAT bad that she doesn't know all about HFA but the really bad thing is that she won't accept or realise that she doesn't know. Silly moo! As I often say on here, not knowing is not necessarily a problem, its not knowing you don't know.....