Anyone had counselling after all this SEN mess?

[appropriatelytrained]

I am obsessing - I know I am. This whole business has ruined my life but the anger is really eating me up and I feel if I don't do something, it will affect my mental health.

I have never been so roundly bullied and lied to by any group of people in my life but the fact that this is about my vulnerable son drives me crazy with fury.

I know I need to do something constructive about it like Star's group but I also need to let it all out safely to someone so I can keep rational and reasonable.

Anyone else had experience of therapy or the like over this? Did it help? I had PTSD once after a car accident years ago and I am getting those familiar signs of rage and fight/flight building up again.

Appropriately, you have hit the nail on the head "It's never going to happen unless the school gets something out of it - unless the school needs help to manage the child"

I found the absolutely best form of counselling was to find a friend and a park, and walk for miles and miles, pouring it all out to someone who wasn't all that involved, and who knew you didn't want solutions, but just to vent. She is a good friend, and somehow with the exercise, the fresh air, and the getting it out of your system, it helped a lot in the worst times. I also tried small doses of prozac but the walking was best. Apparently they have done studies which suggest a walk in the natural environment can actually be better than anti-depressants. Good luck AT, keep strong.

AT, I'm sure you know now that there are others here (presumably why you post as you know you'll be understood) who have been uprooted, had to make radical life changes, been treated as out of their mind and been labelled and ganged up on. Not trying to underplay what you are going through but put item context so you don't feel completely isolated.

Obviously the tribunal process hasn't done much to restore your faith in anything and I'm sorry about that. It didn't me either and I've heard some awful things recently (although I would still advise parents to go through it if they can because it is the only way to get a chance).

Zzz is right though. You absolutely need to find a way to have this bitterness and fight as a 'hobby' not the central core of your being and life. I can only let you know that somehow from being all consumed by a rage that nearly destroyed me and everything in my life I somehow got some balance. I can't say how really but I think MN was the counselling.

I have to say though that coming across your story recently and Claws brings back the anger and sheer blind hate for faceless people who can be a part of a system that allows this, but I'm through the worst. The worst I think is when you first discover the lies and evil. After you've lived with it a bit you readjust you expectations. Not for your child, but of the system. The biggest problem I believe is the system is nothing like it pretends to be, and the discovery if this plus the realisation of quite how truly bad it is causes intolerable hurt, but you can only make that discovery once.

I also think that once you start talking about how this person has lied, another person is incompetent, another person has covered this up and explaining your conspiracy theory etc, etc. You probably do sound a bit bonkers.

I have found the only people who truly understand are the people on here. Unless you have seen it with your own eyes, it is pretty unbelieveable, to someone who has not experienced it.

I agree with that claw

My counsellor was very disbelieving until she looked at some of the paperwork; then she was shocked that they (professionals) had put some of the stuff in writing - she reckoned I could sue as it was all 'hearsay' 'gossip' & 'malicious'

Isnt it sad though that we cant ask for help without people then using it against us. Most of us are probably a bit depressed or at least struggling with the stress. Most of us could probably use some councelling but most of us are either worried it will be used against us or have already had it used against us.

I go to a private counsellor attached to a support group I volunteer at. This means I get it at a reduced cost but it stays private from any of my DS's files.

Thanks - your messages have really helped but it in context.

Star - it's a long story about Tribunal and I don't want to post it in here as it would identify me completely! But it's not what you think.

Anyway, that is a very good way of looking at things - you can only discover this dreadful truth once. So anything else has to be better.

ZZZZ - great post. Really made me refocus.

I'm graduating for my PhD tomorrow and I haven't even been able to think of this until now. I need to concentrate on this - the kids are coming, we have a night in London planned. I need to concentrate on this.

Have a fab trip AT you deserve it
I know you will have put up the best fight possible, try not to relive it in your head.
I used to do medical negligence cases and many many of those clients had PTSD not just from the medical accident, but from the fact that it was caused by people (drs) they trusted. All the psychs we worked with said it was the loss of trust that exacerbated the PTSD, we had people who developed hospital phobias etc.
I think its the same with SEN you are led to believe there is this safety net and system designed to help you and then you realise they don't care about you or your child at all, just safeguarding their budgets and they will go to extreme lengths to discredit you to win their point.
I never never came across anything like this in the NHS - even the really tough NHS lawyers usually stayed within professional codes of conduct - some of their defences were daft or unsavoury, but very very rarely lies or fabricated and very rarely personal attacks on the patient - they knew judges wouldn't look kindly on that sort of attack (not sure why it seems to work at tribunals!)
Also councils seem to act in a way which often has no logic, so you cannot see it coming, its the stress of having no control of events i think which i found hardest.
Cutting out useless or nasty professionals from your life may leave you without support, but at least you get back some control and that reduces the stress.
There are some good apples though. We like our paed, our EP and our disabled team social worker - I wish they would grow some balls and stand up and be counted when it mattered - but at least they are helpful and supportive behind closed doors.
Congrats on your PhD

I had some counselling thru the carers centre, (well they paid) confidential and not linkable to either me or my ds... might be worth exploring.

appropriatelytrained what can I say, I am just so shocked by what I have heard of your story and I don't know the half of it. I want to say that in my experience when people get really vicious it is often out of fear - because they are like cornered rats - you have probably given them a few well-deserved sleepless nights and you probably won't be the last to do so either. It seems as if they have all the power, and we are so helpless, but in this day and age most people deep down fear for their jobs and insecure professionals fear - rightly, it sounds - being exposed.

I am seriously thinking of opting for homeschooling because I am just starting to doubt the value of school full stop for many children, NT ones as well. My faith in professionals has been very badly shaken over the years and not just in the SEN world. All I can say is that I have known some real gems so they are out there. They have been people who are secure in themselves, who have humility and openness, and haven't you noticed how people with the most humility often seem to be the most knowledgeable? They do exist. Never mind what the idiots say, they are all just propping each other up, it's a house of cards and may well collapse on them one day.

I have to remind myself that the most important thing right now is to enjoy all the good things about my beloved dcs and be a happy family, enjoying all the small things that mean such a lot to children. zzzzz put it so well. We all have to look after our health and not feel bad about snatching what time we can to be someone outside of the "mother of a SEN child" label. I don't have any solutions but just wanted to give you my sympathy and a probably much-needed .

AND - CONGRATULATIONS on your PHD!!! Isn't it a reflection of what you have been through that such a momentous thing should be an afterthought?? I hope you have a lovely, lovely night being in the spotlight for all the right reasons. :)

Thank you ficklefreckle for your lovely post!

I just saw this thread, and I have to say that we've faced this as well. DH is on ADs and starting counselling (private) as he is having a very difficult time with his depression, which has gotten worse in the last year while we've been navigating the SN waters. I often feel I need counselling as well, but am loathe to approach the GP about it as I don't want ss involved. DH is already on meds, what would they say about both parents on ADs?!? No thanks, don't want to open that tin of worms!!

It is incredibly sad that we can't get help in this way without worrying that it will be used against us or at the very least negatively affect us in some way.

AT - just wanted to say congratulations on your Phd and hope you enjoy your day.

I haven't had counselling but I have felt like you - in fact I still do sometimes. I got through the last year by talking about my feelings on this board and with friends and family. By chance I was introduced to someone who have been through the same process with some of the same LA staff and felt she understood so much of what I was going through.

I think the fact that my ds was so badly failed helped focussed a lot of my energy in trying to find out what he needed, how to teach him and how to get over his horrible experiences with people who should have been caring for him. Have to admit am still very angry when I think about the professionals.