I'm hoping for some advice here from people who know about AS.
DD, 13, dx'd AS by CAHMS 18months ago, switches her AS behaviours off at school where she is a model pupil with excellent academic achievement. Switches her AS behaviours off at family gatherings so although extended family know the dx they don't believe it and think we are making it up.
At home she takes everything out on me to the point that I wonder if her AS would exist without me? I seem to be the enabler of her meltdowns and tantrums. I appear to be the facilitator of her autism as its only around when I am there.
The final straw was this weekend. DD has had Occupational Therapy as she couldn't do her own hair. I resigned myself to brushing and combing her hair every day as she "can't" do it and the OT didn't actually solve this problem. Then, someone took DD swimming and she did her own hair afterwards. When I query this she says "its different when I'm out".
So now I feel like I am losing faith in AS as a dx. At home I try to support DD to keep her stress levels down so she can keep attending school and doing the homework. Allegedly, she "can't" pick her clothes up off the floor, wash, do hair, get school bag ready, get dressed etc. She treats me like a servant and I'm reaching the end of my tether with her. If I try to get her to do things and behave in certain ways she makes sure she gets revenge on me as she does not believe she can ever be in the wrong.
DD wants her dx kept secret as she fears being bullied at school. So, if no-one has noticed her AS and she is able to switch it on and off as required, does it actually exist?
I have spent years reading the books, internet and have attended a support group since dx, but it seems to be me that is the problem as DD is able to function in the world unless I am there.
At home I have to entertain her as she has no social life. If I stopped doing this would she forced to conform and would the AS disappear?
Thank you for reading this. I am so confused.