Chloe has finally got to me this morning!!!!!!!!!! Help, cant cope!!!

[butty]

Chloe woke up at 5am this morning and has been on a rampage of destruction!!!!!!!!!!!
This has been happening for ages but this morning she has crossed the line!!!!!!!!!!!!
She wanted her programs on, but i said no your up too early you can read a book or do some drawing, so me still being sleepy went to the toilet came down only to find chloe standing on a chair over the tele shouting angry and very bad comments with a glass of water of which she was pouring into the tv set!!!!!!!!!!!
I panicked and quickly moved here away from the TV and i am glad i did as it started smoking and is now BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no tele, cant afford a new one and to top it off chloe isnt even bothered all she kept saying was that i should have let her watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She has done nothing biy scream and shout at me all morning, hit me twice and then battered dylan!!!!!!!!!!!
I seriously can not do this anymore and ended up at my mums at 8.30 this morning balling my eyes out and saying that i dont want her anymore, i regret saying it, but nothing is being taken serious about her behaviour and to top it all off, the evil boyfriend has been given his packing orders and has to be out of mny house by friday but he is refusing to go and calling me all names under the sun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please some one help, i cant cope on my own, but i dont love him and he doesnt help and how on earth am i meant to deal with chloe and dylan on my own???????????????
I am cracking up!!!!!!!!!!!!
Butty.xxx

Butty. You've got so much going on at the moment it's no wonder you're feeling so low.

Do you have a back-up plan to get rid of the arsey boyfriend if he won't leave? Maybe some male friends/relatives or a call to the police to 'help' him on his way? At least if you know that he definitely won't be staying you can move on to thinking about other things IYSWIM.

Sorry about the TV too. You could always try for a cheap secondhand one if you have any spare cash? I wish I knew what to suggest.

I really dont know what to do any more!!
We have split up quite a few times over the last 6 years, but i dont love him and i really do despise him.
He never helps with the kids, we dont do anything together, we dont sleep in the same bed as i sleep on the couch, i havnt physically slept with him for 7 months and when i told him that i want the TV from the bedroom which is mine like everything is in the house he said no as he wont be able to play his computer!!!!!!!!
The saddest part which is making it difficult is Christmas as my mum is working and it will mean being on my own with the children christmas day and boxing day, i dont want to spoil it for them as his mum has told them that we are going round to hers for christmas and that we are going out for a meal on boxing day.
I cant carry on like this but with chloes behaviour worsening and no one listening to me i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!
I am scared of being on my own but he makes me so unhappy, i pay for all the bills and all he gives is £20 quid a week and then takes money off me for fags when hes run out of his own money.
Maybe chloe would be better when he's gone as she cant run between us, but it could go the other way.
I really dont know what to do, but all i know is that i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown both mentally and physically, i am at work now and i cant stop crying. I dont want to feel like this anymore.
Butty.xxx

I really dont know what to do any more!!
We have split up quite a few times over the last 6 years, but i dont love him and i really do despise him.
He never helps with the kids, we dont do anything together, we dont sleep in the same bed as i sleep on the couch, i havnt physically slept with him for 7 months and when i told him that i want the TV from the bedroom which is mine like everything is in the house he said no as he wont be able to play his computer!!!!!!!!
The saddest part which is making it difficult is Christmas as my mum is working and it will mean being on my own with the children christmas day and boxing day, i dont want to spoil it for them as his mum has told them that we are going round to hers for christmas and that we are going out for a meal on boxing day.
I cant carry on like this but with chloes behaviour worsening and no one listening to me i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!
I am scared of being on my own but he makes me so unhappy, i pay for all the bills and all he gives is £20 quid a week and then takes money off me for fags when hes run out of his own money.
Maybe chloe would be better when he's gone as she cant run between us, but it could go the other way.
I really dont know what to do, but all i know is that i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown both mentally and physically, i am at work now and i cant stop crying. I dont want to feel like this anymore.
Butty.xxx

I really dont know what to do any more!!
We have split up quite a few times over the last 6 years, but i dont love him and i really do despise him.
He never helps with the kids, we dont do anything together, we dont sleep in the same bed as i sleep on the couch, i havnt physically slept with him for 7 months and when i told him that i want the TV from the bedroom which is mine like everything is in the house he said no as he wont be able to play his computer!!!!!!!!
The saddest part which is making it difficult is Christmas as my mum is working and it will mean being on my own with the children christmas day and boxing day, i dont want to spoil it for them as his mum has told them that we are going round to hers for christmas and that we are going out for a meal on boxing day.
I cant carry on like this but with chloes behaviour worsening and no one listening to me i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!
I am scared of being on my own but he makes me so unhappy, i pay for all the bills and all he gives is £20 quid a week and then takes money off me for fags when hes run out of his own money.
Maybe chloe would be better when he's gone as she cant run between us, but it could go the other way.
I really dont know what to do, but all i know is that i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown both mentally and physically, i am at work now and i cant stop crying. I dont want to feel like this anymore.
Butty.xxx

Oh Butty - you poor thing. It sounds horrendous.

Have you spoken to your doctor? They need to know you are at the end of your tether with Chloe. Have you had any diagnosis as to why she is like this?

Have you any male relative/friend who can help you get your BF to leave? With regard to Chloe - yes it might go either way but I'd imagine it might just get better. She will be picking up on all the bad feeling etc. How old is she?

Wish I could help in some way.

Butty, you can claim on your home contents insurance for a replacement telly, accidental damage is covered.

I wish I could help further

Hi,
With regards to chloe i have begged and begged for help and they are adament that she doesnt have ADHD due to the schools conners report although for mine she scored 10 out of a possible 10!!!!!!!!
With regards to changing the locks, my mum paid to have that done last year when i kicked him out and has now told me that i need to do it on my own and mean it!!!!
She knows i dont love him anymore and is willing to help out where she can, but she said if i do it on my own that i would be stronger from it.
I dont know what to do, i dont want to spoil christmas for the kids and i dont want to be on my own, but i dont want to be with him either, we may as well be seperated now as we dont spend any time together but i cant afford to pay for him and also i cant do things in my own house, i would love to come on here at night but he wont allow me to go on the computer as it affects what he is doing with broadband for his shitty X box!!!!!!!
I know i would be better off without him and i know that i dont want another relationship with anyone for a long time i'm just really scared.
Butty.xxx

butty, ive just emailed you

Oh butty I really feel for you. I so wish I had some constructive advice to offer I hate being on my own too and I'm not a very strong person, but as soon as your dp walks out that door then life can only get better, he's not helping your situation at all.

Hi guys thanks for your messages.

I really dont want to be with him, he doesnt do anything to help me with regards to the kids and all he does is call me a fat lazy cow, when it is me that sorts the kids out, does the shopping, does the house work, go to work, go to appointments on my own and pay all the bills.

I go out 3-4 nights a week just to get away from it all and him in order to have a social life and talk to others.
I cant even come on here at night as he wont allow me to use the broadband when he is playing his Xbox as he says it ruins his connection!!!!!!
I am scared of dealing with chloe and dylan on my own as with dylans significant disabilities and chloes extreme behaviour i just dont know how i will cope.
He rarely spends time with the kids and i have give him chance after chance, only 3.5 years ago he was arrested for violently abusing me and was put on 12 months conditional discaharge by the court as well as paying a £1000 fine as they couldnt send him to prison as i dropped the charges but the police still prosecuted due to the severity of what he had done to me.
I took him back because he had counsilling and i was also pregnant with dylan, but he hasnt changed, he has never hit me again but he still verbally abusive towards me at times.
He has accused me of sleeping with some one else as i havnt slept with him for 7 months but he cant see why and just says i have cheated, but i havnt i just cant bring myself to go near him yet he doesnt see this as a problem!!!!!!!!!!!
Butty.xxx

Butty - this relationship is not doing you (or your kids) any good. You know that. I know you are scared of being on your own but why? You ARE on your own. OK he's still living with you but he's not contributing any help or support. If he was gone that would be one huge less thing to be stressed about.

You could take a big deep breath and take it all in your own time.

I think you feeling so panicky becasue all together it is so much. If you take control of one area you will fell more in control of other areas.

Demand another assessment of Chloe. How old is she? Is she at school? What do they say?

Hi Budababe,
Chloe is 5 and is in year 1 at school.
I have demanded that they do something about her behaviour but they keep saying she has to be like it in school as well.
She is good at school but her work is very poor and she has to work with 1 to 1 support as she has a very low concentration span and needs to be pushed to do her work and she also does attention seek in class if she has to work on her own.
The teacher has said that she is very fidgety and all of the above, she has an IEP in place but as she is not naughty the pros wont do any thing.
Social services referred her for behaviour therapy once a week on a twelve week course but they are getting no where with her as she wont talk about her behaviour with others and just totally changes the subject when asked.
I have tried everything but no one will listen and those that do can only do so much.!!!!!!!!

Butty.xxx

Have you tried those fish oils? Don't know if she'd take them for you but they are meant to help esp with concentration.

A friend's DS has GDD and she has him on them.

What kind of things set her off? Obv this morning not letting her watch TV - tbh I actively encourage TV early in the am - then I can just sit!

Does she behave completely differently with you than with the teacher? How about with your DP? Or your Mum? Do you ever have any good days with her?

Sorry if I'm asking too many q's but I really feel for you (and her cos it doesn't sound like she's happy either).

Her behaviour is bad with everyone exept in school which i firmly believe is due to the regimented structure!!!
I have given her omega 3 since last october and it hasnt made the slightest bit of difference.
All you have to do sometimes is say Boo and she starts and when i say starts i mean she is both physiclly and verbally aggressive to me and dylan and ger dad, or who ever may be there!!!
She is uncontrolable, she tells me all the time that she wants to kill me and that she hates me.
I do everything for her and more, she is spoilt rotton i dedicate my life to my children and work my arse off to give them the good things in life, but it doesnt work, she wants more and more.
I believe she has a problem as her behaviour has been bad since she was walking and talking, she has always been hyperactive.
At first we used to laugh and just say that she was cheeky but she isnt and i know because she gets worse everyday!!!!!!!
When she was born, she was effectively dead for 5 minutes, was 3 weeks premature, had life saving surgery and then had really bad jaundice all of which can be factors of behavioural problems but no one will listen.

Butty.xxx

I really don't know what to advise Butty. I think the only thing you can do is keep on and on and on and on that the doctor will they do something.

Can they send someone to do the assessment at home instead of at school?

Sorry I can't be more help.

i Have already asked that of them, but they say that they cant.
Social services have sent them a letter about the way chloe was when they were there as they were totally shocked and appalled, but the doc hasnt got back to either one of us!!!!!!!!
Running out of things to do.

Thanks for all your support.

I just hope that eventually they will listen to me and see that she has problems that urgently need dealing with!!!!!!!

Butty.xxx

Hi, thanks for all your support yesterday regarding chloe and DP.
We have spoken last night and i have told him that i no longer love him and i feel that we should end things right away.
He started crying and giving me the i'll be better and i'll do more, you cant throw me out i need you and my kids, i couldnt be without them or you!!!!!
I have agreed for the sake of the children that we will stay together as friends though till after christmas as to much been arranged with his family and for the sake of chloe who is so much looking forward to christmas with them, i dont want to break her given her behaviour problems.
I know its not the best thing but to keep chloe happy is the main thing at the moment.
As for me, well i remain adament that we will split after christmas and sort all the bills into my name and also tax credits etc... as if tell them hes gone now, would have to apply again and the joint application took 15 weeks and i cant not have money at this time of year!!!!!!!!!!
But really thanks to all of you for your support, it only makes me stronger as of to my feelings.

Butty.xxx

Could you set up a video camera and catch chloe's tantrums? often visual is better than verbal to get across your problems to the professionals?

Badger your GP / Child helth clinic so that you are on everyones mind and they may get things moving to stop your daily / twice daily phone calls?

Write each week to the relevent people, it can be the same letter just adding each week how long it is NOW since you have been waiting for help.

Could you set up a structured routine at home to combat some of chloe's behaviour?

Chin up and think happy thoughts.

Cheers matnanplus,

i have already spoke to my own gp but she has said to see how things go!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats all that i have been doing for the last 2 years, badgering people!!!!!!!!!

In regards to routine, the one i have already is very strict as i myself thought that it would help.

She gets up at 5am - 7am usually, at 7 i let her watch her programs while i get showered and dressed, i then get dylan out of bed go down, make breakfast, get them washed and ready for school, have a brew whist chloe finds her stuff from book bag then leave the house.
I pick her up at 3pm everyday, come home, read school books, talk about her day and wait for dylan to come home.
While i make tea they have their toys out and play.
after tea, we sit and have cuddles time on the sofa whilst watching richard and judy!!! have to have some tv time!!!!!!!
At 6 oclock both kids watch simpsons then get dylan ready for bed, rob takes him up and then i have another half hour with chloe before pyjamas teeth and bed for 7. she has a story and then watches a film.
I stick to the same routine at the weekends although we do spend a lot of time out but really try to keep it the same!!!!!!!
So all in all, i think i have quite a sturdy routine although coreect me if i am wrong as dont always know whats best.!!!!!

Butty.xxx