Will life get any better? (long rant!!)

[anon1110]

Hi having a bad week and realy need to rant. Posted on here before about my DS who had GDD he is 31 months and im currently 21 weeks pregnant and exhausted.

Today started well, until I went to pick my DS from nursery, but as soon as we walked out the doors, he trips and stumbles over a wall, woman walks past, doesnt even ask if he's ok, just struggles round us and tuts. Didnt have my car as DH has it for work and stupidly didnt have buggy either cos he has walked before no problems, but now my DS had gashes up his legs and we have to walk home, get 5 mins up the road, wants to be carried, but him being 17 kg is no easy feat but I basically have no choice cos he is screaming at me! so I carry him for about 2 mins before im shattered and he keeps doing this all the way home which is roughly 1/2 mile.

All week he has been having major tantrums, his speech is really poor and doesnt understand well, if he wants something and I say no, cue him screaming or if he throws something and I tell him to pick it up, major tantrum!

Really worried im not going to cope once new baby comes along, will I love him less if this baby is NT, or what if this baby is the same. I feel really overwhelmed with everything he should be doing, I dread potty training him as he screams if I try and put him on it.

Tried to tell my mum that I was worried, but answers with well you wanted kids, you look after them. She doesnt have a good track record for being the most supportive anyway, but I lost a daughter at birth almost 4 years ago and have a very high risk pregnancy and I havent had a single person asking how I am.

Also worried about pushchair, although sounds very trivial DS runs off and really need a double but we dont have much money and a small car, so thats also stressing me out!

Sorry for ranting on, I know there are people much worse off than me just feeling very scared at the moment!

sounds like you are having a rough time at the moment. Things will get better i know it might not seem like it now but it does.

My DS1 has CP and i had most of your concerns when i was pregnant with DS2, i didn't know how i would cope having 2 children who both wanted my attention at the same time and would require a double buggy small car.

I used to carry DS2 in a babby carrier/sling which made getting around eaiser at first but it will give you brething space until you can get a double buggy. I found ours on ebay you can pick them up at a good price.

I can say fom the heart that i love both my children the same and i worried that i would love DS2 more because he was healthy but its not been the case at all. Im sure most parents feel like that at some stage.

Don't get me wrong there were days i didn't leave the house as the thought of going out with 2 children scared the hell out of me. I still have days now where i won't go out on my own with them. Internet shopping is a godsend.

your son may be felling a bit worried about the new baby have you tried talking to and involving him in your prenancy midwife/dr appoitment it might help him.

I hope things work out for you and the rest of your prenancy runs smoothly.

Could you apply to family fund for money for a good double buggy that folds up small? Or maybe Cerebra? Good luck and hope things pick up a bit for you x

You will cope, apart from the sleep deprivation, babies are easy compared to toddlers! Would your DS stay on a buggy board? With reins my DS2 would walk a bit, hop on the buggy board for a bit, you can latch it up out of the way. See if there's any on eBay?

I worried about DS3 for ages (he's just quirky,) it's very natural, but whatever hand fate deals you, you'll be more experienced this time.

Look after yourself, come and rant on here. We're always available with a sympathetic ear!

Thanks guys for the support

Just feeling very sorry for myself at the moment, dont like talking to family, as it always get answered with oh theres nothing wrong with him, he'll catch up, and kind of feel like they think I dont appreciate him as I lost my DD before I had DS, and therefore should be grateful I have a child. Just feels like all the crap gets handed to me, as DS was born with fused skull and had to endure operation too.

I very much doubt he would stay on a buggy board, I only wish!

I am in a similar position - having no.2 in just over 3 weeks and my DS1 is a similar age to yours and has CP (I think you might have posted on my thread about this before!). I had one of those days on Sunday - DS was being a pain, v clingy, refusing to crawl anywhere (he can't walk), wanting to sit on me all the time rather than by himself. Days like that particularly I wonder how I'll manage. He just demands and needs so much attention, which is not his fault but is going to be exhausting. But I'm hoping that with the baby he will just have to learn to be a bit more self sufficient, although I expect there is going to be huge tantrums along the way... On the other hand I think he will benefit hugely from having a little sibling.

No advice really, just sympathy! Just going to have to take things a day at a time I think and keep reminding myself that it will all get easier once no.2 gets a bit older and maybe they can play together a bit and stuff.

Also maybe it is true as mum2202 says that he is a bit worried re new baby and demanding more attention, I wonder if this is the case with my DS. He is generally I think quite happy about the baby, and we have been practising things like bathing a baby doll etc to give him the idea, and he seems to be trying to look after me a bit very sweetly by keeping giving me his milk to drink/bits of his food to eat etc! But it must be a very confusing time as well.

He doesnt seem to really get the fact that i'm pregnant, I really dont think he understands that there is going to be a new baby.

Just a bit of practical advice. Look into the mini city jogger double buggy. You may get one second hand on ebay if you are a bit hard up (like us) and if its not successful its saved you a lot of money.

The seat is very roomy and takes a substantial toddler and the back reclines fully so is also suitable for a newborn. It also has a very large overhanging hood which is good for ASD children as they can successfully hide under them if they are feeling a bit stressed!

2 can be a bit of a knightmare age to have a second baby anyway as 2 year olds dont really get it, but that said, almost any age is a knightmare

As some mophead once said, life is a roller coaster. Special needs life is a really big, scary roller coaster with huge highs and equally overwhelming lows. I don't think your mum's attitude is representative of most - maybe she's from the stiff upper lip school of parenting like my mum - but maybe it says more about her disappointment with life, than yours. Just when you need her as well.

Can you see a counsellor just to offload - you sound like you need a listening ear? I remember feeling really crap and emotional at certain stages of pregnancy, but it passes. All things pass. Can your child development centre provide counselling, or ask the midwife?

You have been through so much, you deserve a bit of kindness and luck x

Hi All,

Week has got better, his tantrums arent nearly as bad now as I decided when he starts I just step over him and walk off, works a treat!! I think cos i'm so worried I have caused his delays im scared of ignoring him, and its led to him thinking he can always have his own way.

So proud of him earlier, he managed to do a 12 piece puzzle all by himself! (I dont care he has had the puzzle for nearly a year and prob knows the picture off by heart! :))

My mom has managed to piss me off again this week as she recalled a conversation she had with her sister, telling her my DS was at nursery, which inevitably led to 'isnt he a bit young to go to nursery?' (my auntie has grandchildren and obviously knows that most kids start after age 3) to which my mom replys oh well they claim benefits and obviously get a lot of perks! Didnt mention the fact that DS is behind and is going there in the hope to help his development. We both work and dont claim benefits either, we work around DS and hardly see each other as a result. I am now thinking she is embarrassed about DS or just another way ignoring DS's problems.

Still feeling better though, I have learnt to ignore her ways as she will never change and im not expecting her to.

Well, went to mothercare earlier to try out the phil and teds, and DS was too big for it!! as with a newborn he would initially have to sit in the double kit on front while baby lies on the one underneath so it can lie flat, but when we put DS in the seat his head came over the top of the hood!

We also tried a few others but had same problem with weight/height etc and the ones that sit side by side wouldnt fit in our car, lady in the shop ran out of options for us! lol

So now im thinking buy a single pushchair from birth, get a buggy board and if DS runs off then whip baby out put it in sling, and put DS in buggy! Have brought a litelife? backpack today hoping it will help too.

Do you think this sounds ok?

Start getting him used to reins if you use a buggy board. I looped them around my wrists so DS2 couldn't just get down and run off. Hard work when they swing on them, but essential for safety. TBH, I learnt very quickly about the benefits of Internet shopping and really made the most of the time he was in pre-school!