New boy in class - Aspergers

[OrdinaryJo]

My DS has a communication disorder/delay, with some typical AS traits although he is under the threshold for an ASD DX. He's just coming to the end of his first year at school and is doing well. He tends to gravitate towards children with less language ability - so in our area that means he'll choose to spend time with peers who have English as a second language. School try to encourage him to spend time with DCs that can model better communication and it all seems to sort itself out.

A new kid started last week who has Aspergers and who is apparently very aggressive. The teacher (who is brilliant) is finding him a challenge and the other kids have him pegged as a 'bad boy' already. DS loves him and wants to partner him all the time, but according to the teacher this is having a very negative affect on DS behaviour and I've noticed him being very shouty and aggressive at home this week.

I am thrilled that DS wants to be kind to a boy who is so clearly struggling, and I'm also aware that, having just changed schools, this wee one will be adjusting and having a hard time. Any strategies for helping DS continue the friendship without his behaviour going downhill too? Explaining this verbally to DS wouldn't work - it's too complex for him (and look how long this post is too!)

You know what, that would be my dream scenario, for ds to have a child a bit like him with similar problems and likes. The behaviour is a worry of course so if it is affecting your ds you can perhaps talk to the teacher about how he/she intendes to manage it. This new boy should be supported so that he doesn't have a negative effect on any other children in the class.

star I am really pleased, maybe that doesn't come across in the post i guess im worried that DS goes backwards is all - it's been a struggle to get him to where he is...

I wasn't being critical. I absolutely know how you feel and in my heart of hearts I would probably worry a bit too, but I suppose I was suggesting that you try to see what this situation can do for you, how it can be positive because perhaps it could be.

How good are the school at taking on board suggestions/supporting their children?

I would be a bit concerned that the teacher raised this issue with you with no solutions. What does she want you to do about it?

it could take months for this lad to settle as im sure you know and yes the school should be helping him and monitoring his behaviour putting stratagies in place . i was in the same situation a while back an after my ds and this other lad settled it panned out IYKWIM and now ds has made a few friends which he really found hard before and now rather than the negative start it has become very important to them both to finally have a like minded friend who ds knows understands him and had same interests, what happens is they gravitate towards each other as thats what peers do, given time this lad will probably settle and be less agressive new people new teachers new school new environment some DCs with AS or ASD find this impossible to cope with at first, but if they find him somewhere to go when hes upset and a way of coping when he gets upset and angry and are firm but fair with him as soon as something occurs he will improve , I think it terribley wrong of them to suggest he find others to play with , perhaps they will at a later stage decide this school is not the right setting for him or they will get him 1-1 help . i think it would be good to try and seek out his mother as shes proably struggling at home too and maybe knowing a bit more about him will help you maybe you both .the school may need to get the outreach team involved for this dc, i think its too early to worry though as it takes my dc 4/6 months in a new environment, hard i know because your worried about your own ds but the only thing i can think of is to try and explain very basically to your ds that you want him to be his buddy at school and SHOW him how well to behave and teach him all about his school , maybe a feeling of responsibility will help your dc

I have a really good relationship with the teacher (I'm in seeing her often enough ) so she more mentioned it in passing, I think given they only have a week left in school (Scotland) she's maybe just wanting the year to be over seeing how it pans out. I was very surprised the child moved school so late in the term, but then I come from a small town and have been generally surprised by how much movement there is of DCs in and out of the school.

Drive, that's a really good suggestion about DC helping the other boy and being a bit responsible, he was chosen to go and do some chat with the nursery kids yesterday and was all when he got home. I'll try that, and it is only a week, will pick up a more formal discussion with the new teacher in August. As part of all the other formal discussions I'll need to have with her....

Have you tried writing a social story for your son. You could use pictures with only a few words explain how the boys could help eah other in class.

Magicstick got there first. Social stories sound ideal, especially as they work best when they're repeated. So, you could ask the teacher to read the same one to him during the day and perhaps include the other boy at the same time?

Lots of pictures and very few words, and you could have a few about smaller situations rather than a big one on "How Friends Behave"

I like having friends.

Friends are kind to each other.

Friends try not to hurt each other.

Friends listen to each other.

I will be a good friend.

He came home today and apparently they've both been put onto red but sounds like the teacher has been giving him some strategies. So much for a nice quiet end of P1. Although when asked about a present for his teacher, DS asked for a 'hot wheels car so everyone can play with it at choosing time'. beats an apple for the teacher any day DS!

ordinaryjo.....the new boy in the class sounds just like my DS (currently trying for dx of AS)....he moved to a new school in the middle of year 1 (feb)....started having behavioural problems that followed through to this year (year 2) and have now, through the amazing work of this teacher, calmed down.
from his POV i would sugest maybe talking to his mother and possibly getting together, possibly getting the boys together, helping to create a good friendship which can benefit both boys.
i would have loved one of the boys' mums to have done that with me, instead of going into school and telling his teacher "i dont want my son being with that naughty kid!" ok so that was only one parent, but the other kids and parents all looked at us funny.
i know your not doing that, but having a friend is always good and im sure they can be good for each other xxx

Thanks Angel I am really doing my best to not be that parent 'cos I know other parents have said it about my DS . Will definitely get them together after the holidays and try to tackle things more positively then. Only four school days to go so I'm on countdown!