Dd is self harming again :(

[Blossomhill]

Dd is 6 with a language/communication disorder.
She has gone to school with bruises all up her arm where she was biting herself so hard.
I went into school today as dd has been moved to a table on her own as she finds it hard working in pairs and obv. her partner isn't getting a lot out of working with dd as she isn't interested. Thing is if dd is working on her own how on earth is she going to learn?
Dd is also telling lies. She told me she ruined a show they went to last week by pulling and pinching this girl (she never does things like that) and that she was moved to a table on her own as she written on a table. All 3 things are lies as have asked the school.
I try so hard to be positive and have to dig deep sometimes. The truth is I am bloody scared of the future.
Seeing her tiny little arms with bruises up them was heartbreaking. She is only 6 ffs, she shouldn't be feeling anxious and stressed.
I just don't know what to do or where to go. I am so out of my depth with this. Would Camhs be able to help?

Oh God, I have no idea what to say to you but how could I not reply in some way to such a heartbreaking post.
Oh babes, i really am so sorry.
Lots of love to you, TC

hiya blossom, i am going through the same thing ATM with my ds who is 9.

He has AS/ASD and is depressed,he isnt self harming as such at present but he has done before, in feb of this year he was talking about death and harming himself.

Today he has not gone back to school,we are in touch with CAMHS and the LEA and we want him to go to a school with a specific unit for AS/ASD.

Every situation is unique, we were told by CAMHS that if ds is depressed and harming not to put him in an environment that is causing it, dont know if that is the case with your dd,s school but i would definately call them or at least take her to the GP cos they can also call CAMHS and get things moving along.

HTH

Sorry I'm not much help

But just wanted to say how sorry I am for you and DD when reading your post.

Ellie had a bright red and scratched face yesterday because she hit it so much, that was bad enough.

We have somebody out from the complex SN team, think the same or simlar to Camhs and she goes through ways with me of trying to stop Ellie hurting herself so much

Oh dear, how heartbreaking, I feel so sorry for your little girl.

My ds has been referred to Camhs for his aggression, although still waiting for an appointment, might be worth contacting to see if they can offer any help. Good luck.

Oh no, that's awful

No idea what you should do Blossom but really feel for you with this.

Lots of love to you and DD xx

I feel for you and your dd, Blossom. J self harms too, though not as seriously as your daughter. He punches himself in the stomach and face, and calls himself 'stupid' and 'complete failure' if things don't go exactly according to plan. It's heartbreaking to watch, so you have my sympathies.

I'm not sure I'd be so quick to condemn AL dd's tales as lies though. It's possible that school are missing things but I agree it's hard to check - one person's word against another. It might be worth trying to get to the bottom of why she's lying sometimes - attention, perhaps? But first you need to be absolutely sure that there's no truth in what she says. Check that there are no ambiguities in her tale, things that she might have misinterpreted. I know I've had incidents with J that he's related to me but something quite different has happened, but he's not lied but misunderstood. It's delicate ground so you'll need to tread carefully.

Bests.

Have you any idea what triggers the SIB? Is it happening at school or home?
My ds does this, usually in panic but when younger he used to seem to enjoy the sensation.
A little boy in ds1's class used to self harm{biting arm) if he thought he had got something wrong. He was very bright but could not cope with the idea of failure.
My friends little girl does it when she is stopped from doing what she wants or if she doesn't like what she is hearing.

I am not saying any of the above is why your dd is harming, jsut giving examples of children I know and what triggers them.

Do you think she knows the difference between fantasy and reality? Social stories in a small group at school may help with this one, I saw a good one done at school about when teasing over steps the mark and becomes bullying. The same could be done for truth, fantasy and lies.

Sorry, it is horrible when something like this happens.

Blossomhill... my daughter has an appointment with CAMHS next week... daughter's going because her self esteem got really low and she wanted to kill herself.. she had a massive wobbler and was punching her head, pulling out her hair and scratching her face... and screaming.... I was like you... feeling out of my depth.. and felt the need to help daughter express her anger... also the thought that if this went unchecked what would happen in the future when she got angry... what degree of self harm would she do....

I would mention this to your doctor and get referred...

daughters appointment is next week.. I let you know what they suggest...

in the mean time.... chin up...

Rummum

Thomcat - thanks hun xx

Jenk 1 - I am so sorry to hear about your ds talking about death That is so scary.
Well dd is in a language/communication unit so really should be the right environment (I hope). I am just worried that they have upped her mainstream too much. She has gone from yr 1 (50% ms/50% unit) to 90% ms and 10% unit. Like your ds she is very bright but tbh I am sick of this being used as a get out clause. Yes she may be bright but that doesn't stop her getting stressed out if doing too much ms!

AB - Sorry to hear E has periods of doing this as well Does the Camhs advice help?

macwoozy - thanks Let me know how it goes with your ds and his appt. Good luck xx

Lilypond - thank you. It just feels like one huge rollercoaster right now

Karen - I didn't realise so many children did this. It seeems mainly children with asd (dd has traits) do it. I agree that I need to look into the "lies" more and have asked for a meeting with the school. I went in first thing this morning to show them her arms and tell them to keep an eye.

MMH - Dd does sometimes do it when she can't get her own way or is frustrated.
I think although she has a good imagination she does find it hard to seperate fantasy from reality.

Rummum - Good luck with your appointment. I think we will have to go down the Camhs route. I just hate the thought of her being so angry/tormented/upset.

Thanks again to all of your lovely words. has made me feel a lot better.

Well after I posted this morning I got on the phone to dh and bawled mny eyes out. You know saying how it wasn't fair, why us? All that self indulgent talk really. I just feel way out of my depth and it literally breaks my heart to think of my 6 year old, who is onyl a baby still really, so stressed out that she self harms. It's the not being able to communicate I find the hardest. People that meet dd on the surface are usually very surprised as she does have a good vocab, clear speech etc. However listen to the content of what she is saying, try and have a conversation and you've had it, she finds it so hard. That's what I find hard that she cannot really tell me much about her life at school.

I'm glad you're sharing how you feel with DH, and hope you feel better after your cry.

It is the most dreadful thing to see someone hurting themsleves. 6 is so young and you want to be able to protect them from all hurt.

It is frustrating they can't tell you what they did at school or how they feel. I say this to people and get a bit fed up with hearing that 'my NT child is exactly the same'. I want to say 'but DS doesn't know how to tell me, it's not because he doesn't want to tell me'. If something was happening to him he could never tell me about it because he only knows how to repeat things.

I know my DS and your DD are different ages and probably streets apart in intellectual ability (feel disloyal admiting that), so I hope I don't sound like someone who's trying to pretend that they know how you're feeling, I just wish I know the right thing to say.

Have you told anyone at the school or do you have anyone else like a psychologist that you can conatact?

blossom.......((((hugs)))) to you. I dont really know what to say, apart from never stop hoping for your child, or loving her or encouraging her. i know you are doing all of these things already. I am 30 and continue to self harm. it is not the right thing or the wrong thing. Love your child the most you ever can and you will not go far wrong. love her, talk to her, be there. There is no right thing to do, just be there for her. I dont have any answers or advice, but just stay strong. you are doing brilliantly, you sound like a great mum x x x

Hi Bloss, oh dearheart, I do know how you are feeling. My ds has been doing it since he was 5, and it is heartbreaking.

We were referred to CAMH over 18 months ago and had an appointment last Thursday. When we got home, he totally lost it over something trivial (his gameboy) and started bashing his head on the table and screaming.

I sent him upstairs to calm down for a few minutes. When I went to see him, he was lying on his bed in a foetal position and had frantically scratched down both sides of his face. They were really sore looking although he hadn't broken the skin - it looked like blood blisters. I couldn't send him to school the next day as it was so obvious and he wore a hat which covered the sides of his face all day.

I have made an appt with the head and the SENCO (I haven't met the SENCO yet), and think it may be a good idea as you suggested to request that social stories be used. He isn't statemented but he does need some 1:1 to help with his very low self esteem issues.

CAMH should be able to help - I think that for ds the pressure of having to hold it together all day and then at CAMH was just too much for it - it had to come out somehow.

So, anyway what I wanted to say was (((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))) to you and dd. Let us know how you get/ting on. x