im getting rather fed up with the same comment made every time i take my ASD son to the supermarket

[brandy77]

"Hes a lively one isnt he", then raised eyebrows from others when my son starts wittering on in a babyvoice and jumping up and down at the till. It doesnt bother me, i am very patient to an extent and have just got used to it, but it bothers me that others obviously think they should comment because of his behaviour. Do you stop taking them to the supermarket? or stick a hat on him saying "i cant help being lively! so dont comment!". I could leave him with my mum but Im trying to teach him whats acceptable behaviour/talk so am perservering but if its a no hoper then il stop taking him.

I take him at present because hes out of school for the last 6 months and im a single parent so hes with me 24/7. Find out tomorow if hes got his statement then hopefully get him back into a special school. Tomorow will be a long day to wait!!

Thankyou.x

choc, i think my son knows hes different from me trying to teach him more socially, like keep explaining to him that he has to let other children make the rules as well and not too be so bossy by TELLING children what to do but to ask them. I heard him at the caravan holiday tell his friend "i cant help it i have problems", after having a fight with him when he lost total control of a game, which is why i thought it was time to tell him. The boy had been winding him up though, but for once i didnt intervene. I think the drip feeding is a good idea thanks, its so difficult because when i do try and have a little chat when his behaviour has been trying he looks at me like im from a different plant i spose in his head i am,lol.

thanks rosebubbles, ive just joined the membership for NAS this morning so think i will get one/some cards in my pack when it comes, perhaps i should order some more. I think I would hand a lot out! x

you should still take him out if you're happy to, its good for him. Find some mechanism to f*ck off the starers that you're comfortable with, maybe a t-shirt printed with a slogan you feel will work or wear one yourself. For years I threatened to put DS in a t-shirt that said "she's not fat, she takes steroids" and I'd wear one saying "he's not naughty, he's got autism", rather than him wearing it iyswim.
DS is nearly 16. It does get worse in a way as people notice much more but they also realise very quickly that there's "something going on there" but its easier because I don't care so much. And he's adorable.

I can't bring myself to put DS in a t-shirt. I have had some of those cards for years but never have the presence of mind to get one out of my purse when all hell is breaking loose. I have to say, the 'lively' comment seems to be quite a gentle comment, perhaps they can see you are having a problem and feel that they are being supportive? It doesn't sound like a criticism to me. But it depends how it's said, I suppose.

yes youre right ellen, i dont think people are saying in it a mean way, i spose im just sick of hearing it , then smiling and agreeably saying "yes isnt he", so i shouldnt moan really, i just feel sorry for him, but if he thinks its normal behaviour then i shouldnt feel sorry for him....god that sounds confusing

I have a very fixed smile on my face whenever DS is being particularly 'odd'. I also use a SN parent 'voice' to over egg instructions loudly and simply so people get it. But I prefer the fact that when he's being fairly normal he's 'invisible.' Not everyone has the option to blend in. So long as people aren't being nasty, I can cope. Luckily I haven't come across much blatant nastiness.

I now exactly what you mean, my sons behaviour is horrendous when shopping and as time has gone on I have released how terribly sensory he is so shopping just kills him especially tescos!! So I choose to leave him at home with dad in his safe and loving environment. My life has transformed and now we are all happy. I know it is taking the easy option but at the end of the day it wasn't the right decision for him and he comes first.

I would tell him within the next couple of years he will understand and there are some great books to help you do it. the best is all cats are autistic it is fantastic.

Good luck x

The worst experience I ever had was at the bus stop when my daughter was spinning an
old woman said "can't you get your child to behave?" I replied "Actually she has Autism and is not misbehaving" Then the old woman said " She should be in an
institution" How I didn't thump her I don't know.

My Ds and I were shopping at the local supermarket and he was doing his usual commando/ben10/digimon slide with a dadadada gun sound. After a few stares and tuts I put him inside the trolley lol and so he decided he had a tank and was happy with that. But the trouble then was he was yelling at ppl to move out the way as mum needs to shop and there is a tank coming I actually thought his disability was handy lol as I did my shopping well fast before my DS could hit sensory mode awful but advantagous

oh cxxxxcxxxx i would have felt like slapping the woman! thats an awful thing to say but then i spose when she was young kids like ours probably were put in institutions, thank god times have changed.

coff333pot i can just picture your son in his "tank". My boys life revolves around being a soldier all day long too and the gun noises he makes are sooooo realistic, i cant do them they make my mouth tingle!

suzza, thanks il look that book up as we have 4 cats and my son loves them dearly

more tshirts ect for autism and adhd here:
www.autismawarenessuk.com/acatalog/Autism_Carers_Unisex_.html#a40d
I love the serious mum with attitude lol

I can't say I like those t-shirts, smileandwave. I think the message many of them give is either horrible negative or downright aggressive.

When someone comments on my DSs being lively, I usually agree, because they're usually right. Even Ds1 in full meltdown is more likely to garner sympathetic "hang in there" types of comments and we were approached by a lovely shop assistant who turned out to have an autistic son of her own on one occasion.