Does anyone actually dread taking their child to school?

[coff33pot]

We have had Whitsun holidays and I know its a dilema to get them out of the house expecially with anxiety issues, meltdowns, etc etc But to be honest I am dreading taking DS back to school tomorrow morning.

I just know its the start of jumping everytime the phone rings dreading to hear the voice of the Head/senco saying DS is being "non compliant" or how did you get on with xyz at camhs. Picking your boy up with the usual stares of pity (which drives me insane!) Listening to all the things he has done wrong instead of right and then taking him home feeling that you are humiliated and cant cope.

I feel so down at the moment and it is seeming to get harder and harder and have spent all day scared that he picks up a gun less they say he had a "violent fantasy" at school tomorrow. I even stopped him playing with a water pistol with his sister as he got over excited and wanted to be a soldier in the bushes. He cant go out to play on his own as the others the same age 5.11yrs go on their bikes all round the estate and he would just follow but has no road sense and just goes up and knocks ppls doors to chat and that is with me outside with him! The more kids the more excited and over the top he becomes. But he is now crying why he cant be the same and I am heartbroken over this.

The school have totally smothered his real problems in fog so to speak by going on and on and on about his gun obsession so much so I think it is going to delay him getting any help. I got a report saying there was little to no interaction with children. but the fact that he can hold reasonable in depth convo with his adult teachers that makes it difficult and complex to think he might have AS/ASD And because he has cuddles with the TAs and leans close to them or his head on lap I was more or less asked if he was lacking in that at home. If you read between the lines that is what it is implying. this is not the case as it was ME to told Head/senco that he constantly needs hugs or back rubbing or some pressure to keep him "down to earth" but now they are turning tables on me.

I am sat here and I really feel the need to take my DS and sod off somewhere else. He has had a real "not going to bed attitude" and has smeared soap and toothpaste over his bedroom windows without us spotting it and when asked why " he said it was secret" then said that ok it was because he wanted to be naughty. Now I am so mixed up I dont know if he this is an AS thing or if he is just being deliberately "naughty" or is it because we say it is "naughty to do" he has copied our words. Now I am angry at myself for losing patience with him, angry at the school for tying me and poor DS in knots and stressed out because my poor DH is getting the brunt and my other DD bless her is having enough trouble being bulled (she is NT)

I run a small shop which I havent got the heart in, am getting yelled at for my accounts which I cant do because DS has so many problems and is 24/7 and needs me more than work does but if I dont do it we wont have a home either. I was going to docs but I am scared to death that if I take something they will find out and blame my own anxiety for DS behaviour. They just tried it with the fact I had Post N depression as I put in previous post so I really dont know what to do right now. Got I am dreading tomorrow

OMG, poor poor you. You need some help. I can't diagnose - obviously but ASD is shreiking out at me at least worthy of investigation.

Keep a diary for a week. Get some video footage of the worst behaviours (this seems extremely disloyal to your ds when you first do it but it gets easier) and then book into your GP for a referral to a community paed.

Look up the diagnositc criteria for ASD and write down as many as you can that seem to fit your child and take that to the GP too. You need a proper investigation into his issues.

So sorry you are going through this and made to feel so terrible. Don't take it personally though. Most of us have been through the same. It appears to be common to begin by blaming the parents.

Thanks for replying starlight.

But been an done all that so far and up to the point of camhs now waiting for psychologist to see him but they still havent employed one yet with the expertise of autism so it could be months yet. I just got the feeling the tables are slowly being turned in my direction as an excuse to ignore what is really going on with my son. I am so superstitious of these ppl right now. But there is no one left to turn to that I can see. A pead will not see him. I have asked again but they insist it is not their field and that it is a camhs issue (my DS is now an issue so I have got to see it out with them.

It is crowding my brain I think to the point I cannot detect with DS as to what is "an autistic meltdown" to what is my DS being a normal " I am in trouble and I am just being a horror to the household" behaviour. I am getting more and more confused as the days go by. DH seems to be back tracking too which is not helping. Its this new thing of constantly finding shampoo, lotions, perfume, toothpaste spilt or smeared or poored into cups with water that is now doing my head in. He says it is a science project. Is this naughty or a obsessive behaviour problem? to which catagory do I allow it to be? No one can answer this I know. I place things high but now he climbs and gets them in the bathroom or goes into bedrooms. I have put latches on doors lately to give his sisters peace but he has used a long toy or stands on books to open doors........now to me that is just plain being a pain to his sisters and their belongings.

But then I get him in a total mess when it comes to going outside with too many ppl to the point where he charges around. Feels with his hands any tiles or surfaces on the floor. jumps over cracks, does funny walks/skips. Paces up an down when anxious or runs and hides at school and then pretends he is a soldier or superhero and says he is going to shoot ppl if they dont go away (hence why they say he has violent fantasies)

I love him, cuddle him if he is down and give him a consequence if he is playing up but apart from that I am at a loss. School is a nightmare, keeping him at home with me is fine as I can watch him constantly but at school I cant and I get the phone calls and off it all goes again.

Trouble is with me is I need a kick up the backside I think. If I hear one more time about is obsession with guns I just know I am going to yell someones head off and I am already upset that they have suggested its me not giving him the attention he deserves which is grating on the nerves a bit so I will probably jump down someones throat than show them I am upset

Just to give you some small hope coff33pot- my ds (dx with as at 4yrs) is 9 and his obsessions eventually change. He's stopped with squirting out all my shampoo/measuring water in every container in the kitchen-it went on for a while though.

I appreciate the gun thing is hard because we look at it fromn an adult perspective. I know when my ds was little and he was playing with his own poo I thought that things couldn't get any worse, but in the end he stopped.

The school are failing to meet his needs if they have to ring you all the time-have you thought about another school or HE?Have you thought about a statement?

I never know what's naughty and what's asd half the time, but work out in the end if he's doing it cos he's bored/wants a reaction ir it's because he's anxious/cluelss that it's inappropriate. Even if it's cos he's anxious he needs to know it's unacceptable.

You sound brill- I think all kids nt or asd need cuddles and boundaries just like you said.

I just wanted to say, please try and be kind to yourself as well. My DS is 3.9 and was dx ASD in March, and I have some good days and some very bad days. He will be starting mainstream primary school in sept, and we have started the stat assess process, but are waiting to see if he will get a statement. I dread him going to school on so many levels, especially me collecting him at the end of the day and being told how he has got on.
If you feel your wait for CAMHS is taking forever, you could meet with the senco and ask her about his SEN support level, is he SA+ already? Could you request a stat assess yourself or get the school to do it, if they feel he needs extra help? This may speed the process up, as he would be assessed to see what his needs are, although he may not get a dx.
I need to take the next bit of advice myself-is there anyone you can talk to? Any support groups for ASD or similar? It's so hard, on bad days I do blame myself and think I somehow must have caused DS's ASD. It's very hard to cope, but we will as we love our DC. MN is a good source of support.

Dd1 (AS) went through the gun stage, many of her nt friends (boys) are also obbsessed with guns, in the end the school managed to put a stop to it by talking the the whole class and banning any talk on guns, she still talks about being in the army and killing people but a lot less then she used too.

I know what you meen about 'not being able to go out and play', 'no road sense ect..', both my dd's are on the spectrum (dd1 is 7 and dd2 is 5), they both have no road sense and they cant go out to play (luckily there is no one on our road to play with anyway), i don't think dd2 will be able to go out on her own until she's an adult .

It sounds like you are doing a great job of holding things together, its hard work and i often feel like running away with the dd's.

Can I also recommend turning your phone off.

School don't need to ring you every 5 minutes. Don't let them. They have to cope with him - or apply for a statement for him.

Turn your phone off - and do something nice.

I also reiterate about obsessions coming and going -we have had many, many variations over the years and most come and go.

As Indigo says, turn your phone off -school have to find strategies for dealing with your ds without reporting every tiny detail to you.

I also went through the stage of 'professionals' blaming me for dd's anxiety etc. I know it feels horrible, but when they really start to look into your ds' issues, they will quickly realise they are barking up the wrong tree.
I get so mad that they knee-jerk reaction is to blame the parents -but I won't get on my soapbox about that one

Hope school goes okay x

Thanks for replying all of you :) Didnt get chance to turn phone off I am afraid............:(
@ dietstartstmoz DS is on SA+ and has IEP and school have been awarded 15hrs 1 to 1 and fund the rest themselves at the moment. They are pushing for a statement too.

DS walked to school ok but a bit anxious and stopped half way asking if he was still in the same class. I said yes he was and nothing had changed. He said oh I thought it was summer hols. I think he thought he was going back to different teachers and also he was excluded for two days just before the hols so it has been a long break away.

We eventually got there at 9.20am and he was calm going in and said all his ritual good mornings to the office and dinner ladies etc as he wont go to class for his TA till he does. Took him to class and walked back to the library with him and the TA and all was ok but the library was in use so he had to do the start of his day in the hallway again Anyhow said goodbye and didnt make a fuss and raced past heads office to avoid the "lets have a chat about events" because I was not ready for upset today. Got home 9.35 and was phoned 10am by head/senco. DS had hit another TA.

Walked back up to school and DS was in distress running down the corridor as I was waiting to be let in. When I got in he was cowered in the library hugging a bean bag. Head greeted me and went into library with me and said "DS" we need to go into my office now for a chat!! I ignored her and walked over to DS and knelt down and rubbed his back til he was calm. Explained to him then that we had to go home and will finish his "jobs" there after we have had a walk about as it is still school time. I needed to stress the point of it being school time and reading etc had to be done but didnt see the point in escalating it further than that. He stayed curled up in the library waiting for me while I spoke to the head. That is how easy it is to calm him down if he is left not chased have way round school!

Head and I ended up at loggerheads so that hasnt helped matters. Told her she needs to give him provision to start in a quiet area at the start of the day. Told her to leave him where he fell or ran to and they wouldnt have a problem. I keep on having to repeat myself and I am fed up with it. Her answer was we do try to leave him but he cant stay under the table all day as it is not the "normal school enviroment way" Told head if he stayed there all day then SOMETHING is definately going terribly wrong or drove him to stay there!

She said DS was working with a TA and then he had enough and decided to just lay on the floor and wouldnt get up. another TA came in and got down and cowered over him to see if he was alright and he allegedly shot his hand out and hit her. Head said she had to admit by his face he had given himself a shock.

On the way home DS story was different. I was explaining that we couldnt hit ppl as it is unfair on the nice TAs that help you and again repeat that he needed to try and tell his TA that he is upset about something. DS plainly said I didnt mean to I was having a lay down and I was swinging my arm in a windmill and it was an accident and I said lots of sorrys.

The Head rang me and said she isnt sure how long to exclude him for and I have point blank told her that DS isnt coming back until he gets proper help and consideration for his needs. I have brought his visual check lists that I made home and printed off a couple home school ideas to help him learn.

What I intend to do is phone CAMHS 9am EVERY morning and ask if they have employed a psych and is DS school going to get proffessional help. If the answer is still no then he will learn his lessons with me that day with his uniform on like it is a school day for the morning and we will have socialisation in the afternoons on walking the dog or beach combing or whatever because I can as it is all quiet with the others all in school.

CAMHS are now going to find out just what a pain the ass I can be.

I have gone from being a mess and bawling my eyes out to being angry which is also not a good place to be but at least I feel I am doing something.

coff33pot

You mention a proposed statement application, when are school supposed to be doing this?. Have they advised you of any date re applying?.

TBH I would apply for this document myself and now. IPSEA's website has letters you can use. www.ipsea.org.uk

Longer term I would go all out to obtain a statement and find your DS another school. Even with a Statement in place this school may not be the best environment for him.

IPSEA have information on their website re exclusions and the legalities of same.

The school are getting back to me after discussing the days events with a Behavioural Therapist they had called in on two occasions (who incidently told them to leave him where he is when he hides!) They have asked him to prepare a report to enclose with a statement and the Head of the EP who did half an observation then went sick months ago is supposedly preparing at least that half report to go along with it.

I cant get through to the proff at camhs yet today so got to ring her back. I am going to wait the day out for the school phoning me and when the head does I will find out if all the reports have been done. I have a copy of camhs reports and the school would have had one today. So if they are no further then yes I am going to tell her I am doing it myself. I have two reports, two exclusion letters and a whole pile of home books detailing DS behaviour so I guess they will have a parcel delivery.............

Changing schools is not easy as we are too far away from any others to work around running our shop and getting DS to school and pick up again. Havent heard much good reports from the other two schools anyway so I got a feeling it would be out of frying pan into the fire for DS. I really think if a proffessional actually went into the school and backed me up in what I am saying they might wake up and smell the coffee and actually realise that SEN kids cannot comply with "normal school enviromental way" as she puts it.

So sorry about your (and ds's day), i could cry reading your post, i'm so upset and angry for you , does this school have any clue about sn's or ASD? how old is your ds?

The school doesn't sound very understanding at all, i would be very angry if this happened to one of my dd's , i dont understand why they can't leave him when he runs to a quiet place (as long as he's not distracting others or in the way then whats the problem) and i dont understand why they keep phoning you? they should be able to deal with these things and they should know (by taking notice of what you say to them) how to deal with his meltdowns and how to calm him down. The school needs to pull there fingers out and ask for help from outreach services and listen to what you have to say, they cant just exclude him when he doesn't do what is expected of him.

Dd2 (ASD) is treated the same as her class mates where possible but she also is able to take herself away from the others (somewhere quiet) and doesn't have to do things that stress her out such as assembely, she has full time 1:1, her statement states 30hrs with TA (shared or 1:1), the school finds the funding to provide her full time 1:1 for 35hrs a week (covers lunch times and break times).

I hope you manage to get somewhere with Cahms, you could also phone NAS for advice and they might be able to offer the school advice on ASD (if they will accept it).

Thanks Marne my DS will be 6 in a couple weeks. I got hold of camhs to find that the person I wanted was actually out of office (could have told me that first time round) But they will email her my concerns. I said there must be a psyhc somewhere that they could bring in to see him.

Searched the net and found Autism Outreach so wrote down the contact emails and numbers for that to give to the school if they are interested.

By 6 I gave up with the school getting back to me so dived out shopping while DH was still home. But they had phoned while I was out and have said they have spoke to the Behavioural Therapist. She spoke to my DH and said she would like me to bring DS into school on Wednesday as normal and the BT will assess DS and then have a meeting with myself and DH and Senco to discuss other stratagies to put into place or any other ideas he might have.

Now you would say that was a good thing but he came the first time and gave them ideas for bad behaviour. Then he came last march and spent time with DS and mentioned the poss of AS to the Senco. This man had no idea then what my suspicions were with regards to DS and AS.

He then put different stratagies of how to handle DS in school for them to follow and one of them was to leave him be if he ran off and hid. They havent followed his ideas as it is. They say they have but they can only do it for a while then DS has to come out and get on with things and start where he left off to be in line with "normal enviromental school ways".

Now to top it all I have had a row with DH and in 15 years of being together we have not rowed ever. Sounds daft but we havent so now I am heartbroken.

I dont want to take DS back to suffer another morning of stress just to be viewed again like a trapped animal. I am sick of it and its not fair to him. But DH says if we dont then they will stop trying to help and nothing will get done. Of course I said they are not helping are they if they are not listening. I want to HE him now until a proper dx is made or proper help put into place for him. Now DH has gone back in time now to "there is nothing wrong with DS" "he is just having problems being the same as everyone else and is struggling thats all" :( He also said I couldnt HE DS which I know I could do a better job than the school right now and I am not completely useless.

The hard thing is I am so similar to my DS with anxiety and stress and being cornered. I have researched over and over anything that will help him and have yelled and begged down phones I am at the end of my tether and it is hard to DH to understand as the poor man cant get into my head iyswim. And he is of the nature a problem is not a problem till it arises but I am even stressing him out now. he said we would be all of rails in a min so I yelled I am all ready off the rails. Thank god DS is in bed oblivious to this

, i think men find it hard to understand and accept there is a problem, my dh didn't really except it until we had a dx, he still finds it hard and i find myself going to all the appointments and meetings alone.

I think if i was in your shoes i would consider HE until you can get a dx and a statement in place, i would also be looking at other schools, i know you said 'there are no other good schools in your area', have you visited any of the other schools and asked about their experances with ASD?, you may be supprised. Theres only 6 weeks left to the summer holidays, you could just plod along or you could take him out for half a term and hope to get a dx and statemnet sorted over the summer?

I also suffer with anxiety and its so hard not to get stressed out when these things are thrown at you, i always tell myself 'that if things get bad at school then i will take them out', i have been close to it a few times in the past year. Maybe you could send him in wed, see what happens but see it as their last chance, if they cant accept help and stick to the advice they have been given then you take him out?

I hope you manage to sort something out that works for all of you and i hope yur dh can be more supportive (maybe he just needs more time to accept what is happening).

I will talk to DH properly when he gets home from work. I thought he had accepted it seeing as he even mentioned to his parents that DS is being assessed for AS and he has gone to all the meetings and up to the school with me. But maybe he was just going because that is what DHs are meant to do............ I dont know. It is a lot to take on board and it is human not to want anything wrong with your child. I am not mad at him. He has never had to accept anything like this before, just frustrated all round really

It sounds like your dh has been far more supportive than mine , like you say 'its hard to think that theres anything wrong with your child' and i think we all have days where we think 'all is ok' (i still do now even though we have a dx for both dd's), you just need to talk it through together and decide where to go from here (reggarding school or HE).

Reading threads like this makes me glad I'm a lone parent - at least once I close the front door on the world everyone is on the same page.

DS has wet himself 3 times as a stress response to his first day back at school post break - only 3 hours is too much for him. My only goal - for him to stay in the classroom for longer than 5 mins before bolting.
Dreading statement review with lea officer Friday as I put in my tribunal application last week - I get the feeling it'll lead to a bout of "blame the Mum" yet again & I haven't the bandwidth to deal right now. The school & I both told her before she finalised the statement in March it was the wrong placement, she over rode us both and then booked this meeting for the week after the tribunal deadline assuming I must be daft!

Family therapy (utterly useless for an asd kid but we'll have to attend and "play the game" till they see it isn't working) due to start in the next fortnight.

The TA STILL doesn't "get" that DS is a practical "doer" not a touchy, fluffy feely talker and is driving DS insane with his constant desire to "connect, engage, relate" to DS. Waffling away at a kid with a social commnication deficit doesn't work as you need to keep instructions short, simple & to the point.

DS just wants him to STFU so he can think! DS's only goal - to force the world to let him stay home with Mum.

The social worker is confused by my lads "diagnosis" lol!

I'm fed up, DS is fed up and I've decided we are going away for August as it's deffo high time the world just butted out & gave us both a respite break from "the system". I am REALLY looking forward to the summer hols when DS gets to be a kid and I get to enjoy being his Mum.

Good grief at this thread and the stories on it.

These are small children ffs. Anxiety should only start once you become a parent.

I really feel for you and am glad DS has been settled for many years now he leaves school on the 1st of next month.But we had a nightmare when DS was small our local authority 'had a deficit of millions' in the education department. DS attended part time special unit, part time mainstream and part time EBD unit. In the special unit he loved his teacher and had a dedicated one-one. Unfortunately his teacher got a new position nearer home. The replacement teacher was replaced 6 times in 6 weeks his one-one was shared among 4 new starts another parent told us not the school and as a result he had meltdowns daily called to pick him up several times on the last occasion it was 9.15 I arrived to find him being held by his feet by one adult by his arms with another adult and another stood over him he was 6 I told them he wasn't going back they said I couldn't remove him watch me I said.We live 5 minutes from this school by the time I got home he was calm and they had already rung education to warn them.The year before he had been in another part of the unit with no problem he got back in the following week and few weeks later out of mainstream and into full time at the EBD unit not ideal but better than nothing.

borderlass I am so glad your DS pulled through and credit goes to you for getting him out of that horrible situation bless him.

Bochead you have definately earnt that holiday and so has your DS!!! hope you have a great time!

Starlight you are so right, but unfortunately no one wants to or can seem to listen at the moment. I am stressed to the hilt so god knows how my poor DS is feeling.

Well I discussed with DH obviously in a calmer state. And we have both met each other half way. Trouble is we both want DS happy and getting his help and are angry at the "system" but unfortunately you tend to channel it in the wrong direction sometimes.

We have agreed to send DS to school tomorrow and meet with the Behaviour Specialist. The head will be there and his actual teacher. But I have told DH that he must understand if I do not hear positive help coming his way I am walking out and collecting DS on the way. DH agreed.

I phoned the Head and told her that DS was not to be assessed again as this specialist has seen enough and will hear enough from us all to be able to help out if he intends to. She agreed so at least that is something and said she will liase with staff to plan as calm and less demanding day for him to encourage him back. (good luck he is already hyper due to seeing his uniform come out of the cupboard)

She did say that they had taken a combined course on autism a few months back by way of a talk. I said that obviously wasnt enough as all the stratagies I have read about or googled up arent being used including the visuals I prepared for her. However a couple of the staff have come forward and said they would like more training. So at least at the cost of DS and my stress just maybe some good my come out of it for future SN kids in the long run.

She said there are some days that DS just point blank wont do anything at all. Not all the time as some weeks are fine (NOW they are fine) and others no matter how fun a choice he still refuses. I said that I can understand how contrary that may seem but have they considered the enviromental issues around him. ie learning in the corridor! The fact that they have tried to intergrate him into the classroom because they just think they can because he had a good week then wonder why they had a riot on their hands. Told her to stop running and try walking with DS slowly and they might get somewhere with proper training and provide a proper quiet enviroment for him to have his 1 to 1. Explained that he has a memory and doesnt ever forget bad experiences just because its the next day. He knows you have tried to get him into class so he is going to play up.

Anyhow she said the specialist is coming to give us some ideas on where to get help and what to do. I asked her if she has sent the statement request off yet and she said not but............so I cut her short and said I am doing it myself you can send it off without the half report from the EP and I want a letter from her giving my application support. Her answer was she wants to do it herself with a letter from me after she has spoken to this specialist..............hmmmmm so I told her politely that I have a letter which I took of that site someone posted here and it has a stamp on. If she doesnt do it tomorrow I am posting it.

What I would appreciate from any of you is this. Would any of you be good enough to share some of the calming stratagies, coaxing stratagies or ANYTHING that their schools use to help a child that stands there and point blank says no to doing anything for the whole day??

This may be of no help.... Ds has a hand sign he is allowed to use so he can remove himself without a fuss/without disrupting the teacher when he's anxious-his prefence is to go to the toilet! If he's using this a lot then it flags up that something's stressing him out.

Another boy is allowed in a space in a corner to roll around on the floor as that calms him down-eg a positive 'do you need to go to your space?'.

They make sure he gets outside-regular afternoon gardening slot, extra swimming lessons, outside classroom work (basicly another play time).

They set up a circle of friends and that has mean't that kids look out for him and alert staff if he's not ok-not the main reason for circle of friends, but that developed.

He panics on late sitting lunch( he choked from rushing his food) so he's allowed to go to first sitting everyy day and chooses a classmate to accompany him.

Other kids have a quiet lunch room if the noise of main hall is too much.

He has had the same 1-1 for 3 years- which they have ensured (it's not usual)-that helps!

Another child has had his home time routine worked on because it's a flash point-so they rehearsed it and have rewards for whenhe walks out nicely to his Dad.

Sorry if not applicable.

defineme
Thank you! that is great information and much appreciated :)

I have written down the suggestion of a red card system so he can hold that up if stressed and saves him screaming NO! and running for it or at least give them a warning sign that he is going to run. Although very verbal he is to intricately verbal in that he gets tonge tied and frustrated explaining himself and so runs. At least if they are trying to talk to him he could just hold up the red card instead of screaming everytime they speak. (a quieter way of saying back off

And the roll space idea is good. He has taken to a cupboard he likes to hide in at the moment. I have seen it and it is more like a room with a door to be honest. And he does a lot of rolling around on the floor or just plain lying down and not moving so a certain space would help.

Thanks for this!

To be honest, with me it's more that I dread them coming home again (which they will be in about 10 mins and I'm exhausted just thinking about it, especially after the mood youngest was in this morning)

Went to the school and saw the Behaviour chap in this amazing meeting and walked out in 25 mins picking DS up on the way. Too upset to elaborate at the moment needless to say I was so mad I took DS home and then went for a walk.............a long stomp actually. In the first 20 mins all they did was knock DS down. I also found out that they dont tell the truth either. (why that upsets I dont know it happens all the time) He will not be going back to that school again unless they wake up and smell the coffee :(

write to the behaviour specialist outlining the discussion you had today as you understood it - for clarification.

Write to the Class teacher asking for clarification on some of the lies/misunderstandings/problems/behavioural issues that they are having.

Write to the SENCO asking what intervention they have put in place now and for the data that supports that it is or isn't working.

Write to the Head teacher asking other things.

Write to the 1:1 asking other things.

Your aim is to build up a big evidentual picture of how they are completely failing to meet your ds' needs.

Ask for a response to each letter within 14 days.

Send him to school for the next two weeks (sorry) and attempt to speak to the class teacher as much as you can in this time and record the conversations in a log. And then submit a request for a statutory assessment yourself, using the IPSEA website template.

Well I thought I would put in an update. Today I have celebrated with a latte coffee and a fresh cream cake for ds

I will condense as much as I can...........

Lie no. 1
DS was excluded from school due to hitting a teacher (he is 5.11yrs) Asked how it happened. Head said he was refusing to do anymore work and was lying on floor with 1 TA present. another TA came to help and asked if he was ok and he then hit her. I asked if anyone had tried to lift him and she said no. Two days later at this meeting she mentioned it and that the TA had to go docs due to having bleeds and headaches now. I told her I spoke to DS on our way home and he told me word for word what happened and that he didnt do it on purpose (ds has never up til now struck out intentionally) said he didnt want to be picked up and was waiving his arm in a windmill. Reason I know my ds is telling the truth? His actual TA put a full written report in his homebook. DS was CRAWLING not lying on the floor and she put that she had took one hand and the other (bump on the nose ta) came and took the other. Ds can hardly make a fist and strike out and direct aim at someone that is 5ft or so above him whilst looking at the floor! and he was trying to be moved when I have told them to leave him quiet and dont touch.

Lie no. 2

School is already funded 15 hrs without a statement and they are funding the rest themselves. A few weeks back and bearing in mind I get endless calls to come and calm him down and home book full of problems that......."he is doing alright really" we hope to integrate him back into the class room by the end of this term so he starts his new year in the class hence these extreme meltdowns of late. Truth of the matter? Head/senco let slip in persuasive phone call to bring DS back and have this meeting that the 15hrs funding is due to cease and ..............yes you got it...........the end of this term. So ds was no where near ready

Lie no. 3 I agreed to take ds to this promised "most calm and easy going new start at school. and to see this behaviour chap for a meeting as he had ideas/strategies and info on ppl to contact" Was his day calm?...nope. Walked in and hey ho 1 to 1 finds library full as usual and so he starts the day in the corridor. DS wound up to say the least when he gets home blurts out at tea table that his ta had to go docs that day because her nose was so sore and bleeing now. Head had decided obviously to make a point of telling him this in the morning. (this is 3 days time now) Also he had a tantrum not wanting to go because the TA hates him. I asked why and he said because he asked her questions and she wouldnt talk to him. Some calming clean start day hmmm?

Lie no.4
DH and I went to this meeting............in the 25 mins I was there they spent 15 of them telling me that ds could have been excluded permanently. Do I realise how serious assault is and that the woman had to go docs. Home Eding a child whilst not exactly bad can possibly lead to DELINQUENCY in his future. And they have no way changed his routine at all. Asked what we would like to see for DS in school and DH and I had a 2 min slot to just about say I wanted him to be happy and secure to be promptly told by the behaviour man.........."well I am mindfull of the clock as I have another school to go to so I will go over what notes I have taken today and LEAVE you to discuss any ideas that YOU and the school might have to make it easier on DS I told him I thought he was going to help only to be told "he managed to slot us in". So basically DS, DH and I were all drawn back up there under false pretence. I basically walked out after telling him not to worry about his bloody time keeping and we thought or had been told he was here to help and seeing as the school dont have a clue as to what to do next and as far as I can see what they are doing now is wrong as something has changed that is distressing ds but they are refusing to say so also DH and I have put in visuals and ideas and hours of research at home and passed what has worked with ds at home for the school to use and it has been ignored so there is no point talking DS is coming home with me at the end of the day.

DH stayed on and the shock of me walking out caused behaviour man to rethink. Said that they (school) must change back to the routine he was happiest. Provide a quiet area at all times for his 1 to 1 and also provide a little work station in his class IF he can cope to walk over the threshold. School told DH they agreed. Also come up with coping techniques and have given them a contact of an outreach person with AS/ASD experience to contact for this.

GREAT you would say. Well I thought so till I got an email at 1.30am! saying that the school found the meeting productive and positive and that they feel that DS should return to school in the SAME ROUTINE and slowly make changes/strategies as they go. DH was dumbfounded as he had told me good news that they were going to make new routine and couldnt believe what he was reading. So yes another lie to my DH.

Tired and teasy and steaming now at 2am I email the head telling her exactly how disapointed I was with the meeting and relaying all the lies (as I have done here) and what they did to ds on his first day back etc etc. Told her that Ds was staying home until a total new timetable was drawn up with times (ds works concentrating on clock) where his quiet area is, where his class desk will be. Also listing what proceedures/strategies they have learned from the outreach person. I will then relay them gentley to my ds and then bring him to school and show him the set up and bring him home again and pass on anything that ds seems upset or anxious about for adjustment so he can start a NEW routine prepared. Also that I adamantly refuse to put ds in a situation that caused his exclusion when it was pure anxiety that caused it. Oh and a separate email with ideas/stratagies/insight into how he ticks etc etc

And waited..........

This morning I got an email back They are going to totally review ds routine and take him back to where he was comfortable and thank me for supporting the school in there endeavour in making ds transition back to school go smoothly. Took all my suggestions and agree to implement them but need time to talk to all the TA and will get hold of the outreach asap. That it will take them time to sort out but will send me a full report and timetable asap!

Blow me down with a feather!