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SN children

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Original poster

How do you manage the stress?

50 replies

asdx2 · 25/05/2011 21:58

Have been suffering greatly with stress this last week or two, migraines, palpitations, dodgy tummy and pain in my arm.
It's a bit difficult to escape the stress tbh so need to find ways to manage it.
Not too keen on the thoughts of medication so what do you do?

OP posts:

fiduciarydealings · 26/05/2011 15:51

The gym is the key thing for me when I can get there. I freelance though so sometimes work commitments mean working in school hours, waiting for DH to get home at 7 and then handing over and trying to get back to work at 7.30 in the evening.

When it's like this, like it is now, just before half term, it's horrible. DS1 is stressed, DS2 is left out, I'm trying to work around them knowing I can't now work for a week while they're off and everything goes to the wall.

It always seems to be the time when you get all the crap through your email or post - Tribunal appeal rubbish, people making appointments for assessments when they've not seen your child all year, feeling like you hate them all!!!!

Grrrr, so I could do with going to the gym now but I've got to choose between work and a rare social event tonight. But do you ever get the feeling you live a different life to other people so chatting about school with a load of mums just gets you even more stressed!

intothewest · 26/05/2011 15:53

Yoga is brilliant for stress- good for the body and mind as well . I also read...but less since I found MN

moosemama · 26/05/2011 15:57

I was an avid reader when I was young, then didn't pick up a book for years mainly for the reasons you state. Then I decided I missed reading and needed something to help me 'escape', so I basically retrained myself to start reading again. I only read in bed and started reading just a couple of paragraphs a night and put the book down when I lost concentration. I also chose, extremely lightweight books to start with. Now I am back up to reading about a book a week.

Sometimes though I still can't do it. When things reach fever pitch, I still find I can't get into a book like I used to.

moosemama · 26/05/2011 16:03

fiduciarydealings, yes I feel like that too, which is why I rarely chat to the other Mums at the school these days. I find myself getting agitated about the things they talk about, as they aren't even on the radar compared to the things I'm worrying about.

Doesn't help that the other parents from ds1's class don't know about his AS and are vehemently anti-inclusion, so I dread the day they do find out.

wendihouse22 · 26/05/2011 16:08

fiduciarydealings.... what does your name mean? Just wondered.

I'm as you describe now about the school gate mums. My son goes in later than everyone else and comes home earlier. When we relocated to the school 2 years ago, I felt I really must try to "socialise" with the mums, as I had done at ds' old school, from reception to Yr 3. But, it never happened for logistical reasons, as stated. Now, I walk past them and they're all chit chatting about stuff that I can't join in with anyway..... after school activities/who's going to who's house for tea/can so-and-so collect whoever that day/sleepovers etc. It's all irrelevent to me and my ds. He can't access any of it and I can't do much in the way of lighthearted chit chat 'cause my life doesn't in any way resemble theirs.

Triggles · 26/05/2011 16:17

We're in another appointment upswing here. Seems like for awhile all we do is go to appointments.... then we have a short breather... then more appointments.... I have to write EVERYTHING down, including getting together with a friend for coffee, as if I don't, it will completely slip by me! I suppose it's a by-product of age and stress combined. Although some days I really get frustrated at having to be the one to keep track of everything....

nicevideoshameaboutthesong · 26/05/2011 16:26

i'm very lucky... several of the mums at the gates who are my friends are all friendly with me because our kids are on the spectrum - we were drawn together because of this.

Its very relieving actually. Mine was the first diagnosed and i've watched the others' kids be dxed, and its been a journey we've all shared. So when one of us is in meltdown mode or has a kid in meltdown mode, we can all draw strength from each other...

but if we never shared with each other, we'd never know about each others' kids...

Triggles · 26/05/2011 16:29

There's another child joining our school that has similar difficulties to DS2. I am tempted to tell the senco that if the parents are interested in chatting at all, that she is welcome to give them my name and phone number. Would you be put off by that? Curious...

moosemama · 26/05/2011 16:41

There is a Mum at our school who has a ds very like my ds1. He's actually just about to complete his first year at secondary, but has brothers a our school and he went through a lot of very similar things to ds when he was the same age. Our inclusion teacher asked if I would like to chat with her if she was interested, they asked her and she said no. I totally understand why, no-one knows about her ds having AS either, as the playground maffia would have a field day.

Interestingly, ds's old EP was in school to do an observation in his class yesterday. There are three possible children she could have been in to see, one has dyslexia and vision problems, one lots of parents suspect has a problem due to his behaviour and the last one is a looked after child with behavioral issues.

Mind you, the new SENCo also took their class yesterday afternoon and I get the impression that that had something to do with ds rather than anyone else, bearing in mind dh sent his letter of complaint to the teacher and head yesterday!

fiduciarydealings · 26/05/2011 16:45

Some of the mums I know are very sympathetic, but you still get days, like today when DS1 comes out screaming because I didn't pick him up before DS2 and everyone stares as you just have to drop everything and hug him tight until the stress goes out of him.

He's knackered. We went to Gt Ormond St yesterday and got back late and he's only just started doing full days.

We've had a spate of appointments, meetings etc about statementing provision and you sometimes feel like days of your working life have just disappeared. I can fix my own timetable which is a blessing and I won't complain about that or having too much work on. Does stop me being bleeding knackered though

DH is rubbish at the rest of the family stuff too, planning for hols, jobs around the house, so everything goes pear shaped when I'm flat out.

Fiduciary dealings - I made it up myself! But I'm a lawyer and I've always liked the word fiduciary which means trust or good faith and the term seems to be the complete opposite of most of what I experience with professionals!

wendihouse22 · 26/05/2011 16:49

I wouldn't mind my name and contact number being given out. I've done it in the past and made friends with the mum. The kids couldn't stand each other, though!

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 26/05/2011 16:52

Yes, you can have a coffee and the kids can 'not play' together nicely.

Original poster

asdx2 · 26/05/2011 17:29

Dd is incredibly well behaved but I am the mum that stands with all the "outcasts" mums. Generally mums of kids with ASD/ADHD/Dyspraxia sometimes diagnosed or more often in the process of diagnosis purely because ds was once the "naughtiest"child in a school and I was ostracised.
I hate to think that anybody would feel like I did twice a day doing the walk across the playground.
God knows why but the kids themselves have took to me so I get surrounded, talked at, shown all manners of treasures and asked if they can come for tea daily. Which if I didn't have ds would be lovely.

OP posts:

blueShark · 26/05/2011 17:46

stres? what stress? think I got used to it having had it for a while and some days cant tell the difference if I am stressed or not :(

before the pregnancy did the trick in the evening but to all fairness DS is showing great results so no need for stress I suppose

Becaroooo · 26/05/2011 17:46

Reading....I have a kindle and love it a ridiculous amount

Baths (not often tbh as I get "company"!)

MNing

Wish I could find pleasure in exercise....

Triggles · 26/05/2011 21:30

oh, I've been debating buying a kindle ... will have to save up ... but I love to read ... blatant escapism...

thefirstMrsDeVere · 26/05/2011 21:32

I used to shop. A Lot.

DD's hospital was up off Oxford st so I had plenty of opportunity. Luckily I am a bargain queen so never got into financial trouble.

I wouldnt recommend it as a hobby though. Its taken me five years to clear most of the stuff out. I am still finding things

Kindle is a much better idea

Becaroooo · 27/05/2011 07:30

You will not regret it ladies, I assure you!

Its my one extravagance...

cornsilks · 27/05/2011 07:35

I have been running most days which helps, but still struggling to sleep. Don't know what I can do about that - it's the worse time for me.

wendihouse22 · 27/05/2011 11:04

DH has just returned from business trip to Atlanta. I never request gifts/duty free on work trips. It's not a jolly! But this morning, bless him, he has returned, iPad in hand. Very pleased, I am!! Can download books on that and will be a more comfy read (as my reading glasses don't have the effect they once had). Lovely, he is.

Triggles · 27/05/2011 11:22

oh wendi - very nice!!

Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 27/05/2011 12:18

I have an ereader app on my HTC phone and DH has got me loads of books to read on it. He told me off last night as apparently I am becoming obsessed with SN/ASD/dyspraxia. He is probably right but I have had 6 months off sick so far so have nothing else to occupy me as can't exercise due to pain and fatigue.

moosemama · 27/05/2011 13:09

Ooo Wendi, you lucky thing - do you think he would give my dh a few tips, he's usually pretty hopeless at spontaneous gestures and don't even get me started on the birthday and christmas presents I've had over the years.

To be fair though, I should mention that I went to bed early with a humdinging cold and sore throat last night and whilst he was out giving his friend a lift he stopped and bought me some of my favourite ice-cream to help my throat, bless him. I've also noticed a bag of gian chocolate buttons (one of my favourite comfort foods) in the fridge this morning.

Ben10, you do become obsessed though, we all do. We have to really, no-one else is going to do all the research necessary to make sure our dcs get the right package of support.

Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 27/05/2011 13:34

Your DH has definitely won a good DH prize with giant chocolate buttons. That would do it for me every time!

I was trying to explain to DH that if I didn't do anything, didn't find out, didn't keep pushing that nothing would have happened so far or would happen in the future. He doesn't really realise yet that SN DX and provision is not handed out easily. That is how I used to think before October last year when the school first raised concerns. Now I know that if we don't immerse ourselves in knowledge so that we can advocate for our children that no-one else will.

coff33pot · 30/05/2011 20:26

The latest invention I have found is a "splat ball" lol! I bought one for £1.50 and they come in either a tomato or a raw egg basically a gimmick. You just throw it at a window and it spats like you have spilt it and then forms back again and rolls down the window. While my DS is throwing a wobbly that wont stop I find I can just keep talking calm and repeating myself whilst chucking this thing at the window and picking it off and chucking it again. Daft but it works and better than screaming inside

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