"oh well, they all catch up in the end, don't they...." aaaaaaghhhhhh

[hazeyjane]

Sorry, just seem to hear this all the time at the moment, when we go to baby groups, chat to other mums, about ds (10 months, developmentally delayed, under investigation).

I know that people probably just don't know what to say, but it makes me want to shout, every time, and I thought it might be better to shout here, than rant to the next person that says it to me in real life!

Sorry

oh i ned to join this...my friends just constantly do it to me, im sure some people just like to use my ds to gloat about their own kids...

his speech "it'll come" and now it is slighty coming "ah see its coming along" - yes but it hasnt been easy or natural

my favourite one is when he's running round like mad "he's just being a boy" - actually i don't see the rest of the toddlers doing that for a full 2 hours when they've been up all night and been up since 5:30

grrrr it does pee me off, but suppose they don't know what its like seing it on paper your kids got a delay xx

It is frustrating. I sometimes believed it too and then had a big shock at assessment time. Or several shocks over a few assessments I always think it has gone in then it hasn't at all!

Anyway now I have my answer worked out, it is just to say that I think at som epoint I have to accept that there is a problem. Of course it relies on the person to get that that means it isn't helpful to pretend the problem will go away but with close friends it has worked.

I feel your pain. I then got "see, I told you he would catch up in the end" when ds2 took his first steps aged nearly 3. DS2 has been walking for 3 months and still has the physical skills of a child half his age. YUes we are very proud but he hasn't "caught up"

had this with ds3 the he catch p , hes a lazy boy , oh hes 4th cild syndrome letting others do It for him.But people do say it normally mean well and do not know what else to say especially when it is young dc

As ds is coming up 6 no oen really says it now as it has become obvious that he is never going to catch up any more .But he progresse at his own rate and has exceeded some peoples expections has physicla issues and s&l problems

So many similar stories... both grandmothers have announced 'But look, he's making lots of sounds, he doesn't have a problem'. Well actually 'oooo' and 'aaaah' aren't exactly a full range of sounds for a 2 year old, just because he makes them a lot doesn't make it any less worrying that he has no consonants and can't string two sounds together.

I've also had 'Sure the older ones are talking for him, why would he bother?'. No they don't... because they know better... in fact they've taught him several new sounds that he wouldn't have had otherwise and never answer for him, instead they go to great lengths trying to get him to speak to them.

But everybody's an expert on my child it seems

MIL;

"Oh, ds1 is just like dh"

Sigh.

No he isnt you mad old witch

Seriously, once more and I will punch her!

Oh and

"Aunty Rosemary didn't walk until she was 4 and then she just got up and did it, he'll get there in the end...."

OK, let's turn it around. Maybe some of those people are reading the thread. What would you like people to say? Would you like them not to coment at all or..?

comment, sorry

Agree with Justa

• "Are you worried?"

"She stood unaided for the first time today? Well done Galena'sDD! You must be thrilled!"

Rather than " Is she STILL not walking? She'll just get up and run soon!"

I'd like them to either keep their mouths shut... because honestly, I have to discuss it so much tbh, I don't really want to talk about it at all most of the time.

Or if they really do want to say something 'That must be worrying/difficult/stressful. I hope the speech and language therapy/sign language helps.' would suffice. ds2 has enough professionals working with him, I don't need any pseudo experts throwing their tuppence worth in at every available opportunity.

hazey... My mother and dp's mother are serial offenders on that one 'Sure it runs in the family dp/your cousin/my sister was a late talker too... he walked early so something else was bound to be behind' [roll eyes emoticon]

i'd really like people to let me be proud of when ethans mastered something. his speech is starting to come, i don't need to hear that their kid said that ages ago and is now reading war and peace, let ethan have his little moment fgs

my MIL thinks ds will be fine, purely because when hers where kids they didnt have health visitors or speech therapy and they where fine

x

That's why the SN board is so invaluable, because we can appreciate when a child of ours does something fantastic, that for the average child would just be 'meeh whatever' Our appreciation is informed.

I took ds to a singing group today, all the babies were around the same age as ds, the woman next to me asked how old ds was, and I told her, and quickly said, 'he has some developmental delays, and is being seen at the hospital', she just asked whether they had given a reason, and when i said no it will probably be a while before we have an answer, she just said, 'the waiting must be very hard...he has the most beautiful blue eyes.'

I was glad that she just acknowledged it really, without trying to gee me up, or provide a solution.

Most of my friends have been lovely, and don't really feel the need to say anything, they just listen and help out in the most amazing ways.

Now that's the almost perfect response, concerned, sympathetic, not patronising and praised your beautiful baby! You'll have to get into conversation with her again!

Comforting to see this thread - so fed up of mother in law and others saying "she'll talk when she's ready" and "she'll catch up" and "so and so didn't talk till they were 3 and then never stopped" etc - when she's just not listening to the fact that my DD isn't just 'late to talk' but has missed out all sorts of important communication things which underpin talking, like she never put her arms up to be picked up and didn't babble when she 'should' have done, didn't wave when encouraged to do so, etc.

I know people are trying to be kind, but it's frustrating when they are family and you DO try to explain that this situation is a bit different, but they just keep repeating the same 'encouraging' thing. Sorry, bit of a ramble. Very reassuring to hear you all discussing this and knowing that other people have had similar problems - much appreciated.