I feel so bad

[chocoholic]

It is only 8.00am in the morning and I feel terrible.

As I woke, my son (5 with HFA) came upstairs and offered me a biscuit and I went bananas.

I ran downstairs and as expected he had been stealing food out of the cupboards so bisuits and crumbs all over the sofa.

I lost it. I smacked him and practically dragged him downstairs moaning about how awful he was to steal, how he can't remember anything - just being horrible. He ended up crying and saying how he wanted to be like his friends but he can't because he has autism.

I know it seems silly to lose it over a packet of biscuits but it just seems to be endless, the taking food out of the cupboards, breaking things, people advising me to put up no-entry signs on the house to try to stop him, I think I just hit breaking point. Poor lad, it's not his fault. I feel wicked, like a bully. I'm suposed to be on his side.

I think I'm posting because I just need to explain to someone, who might understand, why I totally lost it when all my son did was offer me a biscuit.

I have no experience but try not to beat yourself up. You lost it. We have all been there.

I can empathise, my DD four and a half has SLI including memory issues and she can drive me mad sometimes, have lost it completely over something I know she can't help but it is hard, we are only human after all.

And you are on his side, that is probably why you are tired and stressed, it's hard work and often feels like fighting all the time. Do something nice with him, you'll both have forgotten soon.

Thank you for replying.

DS had a good cry, I've had a good cry too so we feel a bit better. DS asked me why I was crying so I told him how bad I was feeling for shouting at him and how sorry I was.

His response....."can you put Cbeebies back on" so I think he forgives me.

I think most of us lose our temper with our DC even if we dont want to. You are a good mum and dont feel like you are the only one who does this.

I lose it when DS pushes or hits DD (9 mo old) and I know that doesnt help but sometimes when you are tired and dont know how to stop something you just do lose your temper. I try to always say sorry to DS so he knows I understand its wrong but I still feel awful.

You poor thing

I am not going to tell you I approve of smacking - because I dont - but its done now and you cant undo it.

You have apologised. He has apologised. Put cbeebies on, get yourself a cup of tea and let it go.

You have shown him that adults sometimes do things wrong and that its important to apologise - thats really great for him to learn.

Hope your day gets better x

Ah chocoholic he has obviously moved on already! My DD has laughed before when I have been upset at something similar then she has acted it out as if it was hilarious,mimicing my shouty voice!

A friend of mine said to me once it is good for them to know its normal to not always feel happy and calm!

DD2 takes things too. food, stuff from her brothers room, anything. she got me so angry one day i told her i was gonna drop her off at the doctors and leave her. i felt awful. we have all been there and the kids forgive us which is good

Chocoholic

As others have said, you've apologised, explained and shown your ds that even Mum's are only human and get angry sometimes. Its not ideal, but we are human, not perfect and everybody reaches breaking point sometimes.

I say this as someone who also lost it with their SN child this morning. He has a school trip today that he was ridiculously excited about, he was literally bouncing off the walls, winding his brother and sister up, had to be told everything 6 or 7 times and then did everything wrong and had had us up no less than 5 times in the night for piddly reasons that didn't justify waking the whole house - so patience was already thin before we started out.

I lost it, shouted at him and said some not very kind words, but then I calmed down, apologised for shouting and asked him why he thought I was cross - not a clue. So I explained it all to him and apologised again for being cross with a disclaimer that when people are kept awake all night, they tend to be tired, grumpy and have no patience the next day. I also took the opportunity to tell him that how he felt when I shouted at him, is how we all feel when he shouts at us.

He has gone off on his trip quite happily and I am sitting here feeling sad and guilty. I am going to pop watch him play the sport they're doing in a couple of hours though, despite really not wanting to.

Have a and some chocolate and chalk it up to experience. ((hugs))

Thank you everyone for replying.
I got him to school and had a little cry on his LSA's shoulder (what a wonderful lady she is) and, as lots of you have said, she told me I am a normal mum for having a breaking point.

I hate losing my temper so badly that I smack him. I know it does nothing and am against it myself which makes it worse when I reach that point that my fuse blows. I promised him today that I won't do it again so I will do my upmost to keep that promise.

Moosemama, I think you need to share the chocolate with me, sounds like you had a shocker of a morning too. Hope you feel better after watching him do his sport. Maybe we should get them some chocolate too .

I really appreciate you going to the effort of posting. Sometimes it can be a little lonely in this SN world.

We've all been there moose and chocoholic

I am very loud and shouty when I lose it and it terrifies my ds1 but sometimes you just have to let it out or you would go mad....

Chocoholic, I could barely see him, his pitch was the farside of the cricket club with no room for spectators. He didn't notice his sister, Grandma and I all standing on the sidelines, but I managed to see him bat and was able to 'prove' we had been there by relating the order things happened.

I have no chocolate in the house but have just stuffed a lovely slice of gluten free, low fat lemon and ginger torte left over from my stepdad's 60th at the weekend.

My ds hates chocolate - its a huge thing for him, can't even bear the smell of it. He doesn't get that from me, I have a huge chocolate addiction. He had an extra large slice of torte though.

Ooops all been there don't beat yourself up about it too much even parent's of totally NT children loose their rag's sometimes cut yourself a break :)

moose My ds1 is like that too!! He has never eaten chocolate or sweets (I think its a testure/sensory thing) and he only drinks water and warm cows milk.

He certainly doesnt get that from me either!!!

Becaroooo, he eats sweets, but prefers sour and mint to sweet sweets, iyswim. His favourite drink is warm milk with honey and lemon.

"warm milk with honey and lemon" Doesnt it look and taste a bit like...well...vomit????

Yep, doesn't smell too good either.

He read it in one of his science books as a remedy for sore throats (he's had repeated strep throat and scarlet fever infections since he was 5) and insisted on trying it. Now he won't go to bed unless he's had a mug of it. Yuk!

Oh my god!!!! Your ds sounds seriously wonderful!

Wonderful in lots of ways yes, but home science experiments are the bane of my life sometimes.