someone please tell me I'm doing the right thing......

[devientenigma]

my ds has been out of school for nearly a year now. Apart from a bad relationship with school, where they were proven to be witholding information, never took his needs into account and quite frankly refused to see some of his issues, he also was never happy in school, huge meltdowns lasting hours afterwards, huge meltdowns in the morning, loads of avoidance tactics used, different profs failed to get him there etc.
He has been signed off by the psyc and eventually has got a home tutor who works with him 20 mins a day. With a battle I have also managed to use school facilities for him. The last 5 month I have gradually built up 2 swimming sessions, 1 soft play session and 3, half hours with a 1:1 tutor in school. A few weeks back I took him in for dinner after soft play, this had repercussions. So for the past few weeks he has refused to go into school at times, refused 1:1, refused light and sound room, refused swimming.
So due to the decline, school have come up with a plan and emailed me. They have decided to take him off me at the door and do my sessions with him, including a few extras.
So Monday he will be doing soft play and dinner. Dinnertime does not meet his needs and he won't cope, so could regress. Also he's being alone with a member of staff he has said he is scared of. He also wouldn't go swimming due to a change in lifeguard, he will be having this lifeguard. They also think they know him best, when it has been noted they don't meet some of his needs. Yes it's a bit of a trust issue with me and will they do exactly how and what I do.
I don't know why I am worrying really as if it goes wrong we will see it backfire. All this to get him back into school for an hour a day. Yet the psyc has said we shouldn't be forcing him into it as he will go back more. Sorry if this is gobbledegook, but I have got it off my chest. TIA.

also meant to add my other dilemma is his statement although possibly not worth the paper it's wrote on, is conflicting and dated with a few good things thrown in to measure. As he is now out of school, I have the offer to get new reports and start again. Our reports are dated 2005.
Or continue to try adding extras backed with evidence to the one we have??

Sounds awful.

I wouldn't let them take him for an hour when you now it won't work and will make things worse. :(

Can you not use a local swimming pool or soft play?

Hi there, is he in a special school or mains-stream? It sounds like he has complex needs and needs to be in a specialist resource. Why suddenly do they want to take over your sessions, is there an ulterior motive? I would listen to the ed.psych. I think. Trust your gut instincts and if you really don't think this arrangement will work, don''t put him through it is my opinion, desperate as you probably are to normalise things, it could really set him back, or go back to what you had working before and forget the dinner. As for the statement, I would start again too.
Have you thought about home-start, cross-roads or your local carers association, approach to see if they can give you support at home. What about direct payments? Have you applied for it? I get two hours a week direct payments money and I have a lovely lady, who reads with my ds, 3 nights a week, which means I get a break and I can give my other kids attention, my situation isn't as difficult at yours. Apply through social services. Here you would probably get 4 hours or more. Home-start, might send someone to look after him, whilst you get a break/go shopping etc.
You sound like a great Mum who really knows her child and is working hard to resolve things, you deserve a pat on the back, you will sort this, but you need to get the right people on side and maybe consider school change.

I think if the reports in his statement are dated 2005,they will not reflect the person he is now or the provision he needs and they certainly need to be updated-LEA should be willing to update statement,taking out bits and adding to it.

I think if the school are saying they want to go against the advice of a psychologist you all need to meet and discuss it together.

You need to agree a plan of how they will manage these sessions and what criteria will be used to decide if they are successful or not.

Your son also needs to have his views taken into account. It sounds like the psych thinks he should feel he is in control so railroading him in this way could be really counter-productive.

Have you considered a CAF?

omg, tbh I didn't really expect as many replies!! So hopefully I don't forget to answer all questions. My ds is in special school, he has down syndrome as well as other medical and neurological problems. He is 10 year old now. School say he is happy and sociable in school, however he has always tried to get out of going to school from being small and as he has got older he has been able to convey in his way that it's he doesn't want friends, he doesn't like the noise, doesn't like the work etc, it's all scary.
The psyc I meant was a psychiatrist. He does have a dx of asd traits as well as adhd, ocd and odd traits. However some of the profs involved say he should have a formal dx and receive help for them. A few other profs feel he has pda. He also has a heart condition, whereby he is not to get too stressed, but lives with many daily stresses that school just don't help with. So hope this clarifies a bit more.
Indigo we did start by using a local soft play but it was me who kept insisting I should use schools so he has not cut all ties with the school, although I did gradually introduce this back in. As for the pool with his heart condition the hydro pool is better. The reason it works for me is I am meeting his needs......no other kids etc.
supermum they want to take over as they as well as me feel we are loosing what I am doing with him. I know we are loosing it but I also feel I know how to restart and progress to what I had. I just wonder if they will use this to introduce kids or something else, although it will backfire and he might not go back. I used to get help at home, although it was all stopped due to his violence and aggression towards staff. I do have the offer for a school change but he is in the only special school we have in our LA. I looked elsewhere and have had dealings with a neighboring special school but they say there is too much work to be done in him in the year they would have him, it's not enough time and as he doesn't deal with transition well they feel he should move somewhere who will have him the duration of his time in school. As for a pat on the back, thankyou, a 1st in 10 year lol.
intothewest thanks, I was just worried about the new reports and statement and how the LA like to see my child as child who doesn't have any needs. Though I think I agree they need changed.
Al1son there is no time for a meeting. I got the email Friday, night by the time I was on the computer. The changes start tomorrow. I was thinking about going ahead with tomorrow, however putting my thoughts back in an email to them? There are no plans or criteria for success or failure. Ds needs are never taken into account and he tends not to tell anyone anything, it's just what I have prised from him. One of my sons problems is he is very controlling and needs to be in control of everything. I have asked for a CAF in the past which was turned down as he has a statement and is known to the services.
Thanks everyone for the replies though, really appreciated.

Hi

I remember your posts over the past year or so -my heart goes out to you, as we have had school anxiety issues too. And I think you did the right thing in taking him out of the school- I know what a difficult decision it is.

I removed dd2 from her previous school and she absolutely hates going there now, even for 5 minutes (dd2 attends -luckily she is very happy there!)
She says that it brings back horrible memories and the people there remind her of how miserable she was.

Sorry, but could it be something similar with your ds? If he has lost trust in the staff, he will be very anxious around them. Also, if he has ASD traits, there will be the added issues of him being out of his routine, losing control etc.
I know that you will know all of this, anyway so I may just be rambling.

Does your ds understand that if he attends, it will be for a very specific period if time? He may feel that it's only a short step to him going back full time?

I am in a difficult situation myself at the moment regarding schooling, so I can understand the effect this will be having in you and your ds. I wish you the best of luck in whichever way you go x

Devient you don't have to let them railroad you into starting tomorrow. They need to plan things like this in collaboration with you rather than just telling you what they are doing.

Could you tell them to put it on hold for a week and give the psychiatrist a call? I think you need to speak to him/her before doing something which appears to go against the advice you've been given, your instincts and your DS's wishes.

I wouldn't do it in your position. My experience has been that the 2 schools ds has attended haven't had his best interests first and foremost. The only way to get them to do this was to have a decent statement and even now they try it on every now and then. Would not trust them particularly given their previous form and the fact that nothing has changed on your side.

this situation sounds awful ive a mediation number if you want it they can help you if your feeling bullied into doing what you belives not the right thing for your Ds i got this from the ed psys office there called

global mediation ltd (sen)
[email protected]
0800 064 4488

they give free impartial advice and help and can work with you to get whats right for your DS omg lol i sound like an advery sorry

Hiya deviant
It's only one week till half term, right? So you could very reasonably tell the school that this isn't the best time to introduce a new regime.

Even if they were right, and this was the best timetable ever, the half term gap would stop it miraculously curing him of school phobia.

forgot to