DD(4 possible ASD) is getting worryingly interested in death. How do I tackle this one

[makemineaquadruple]

Evening all! :)

Basically I always knew that she would go through a slight death obsession at some point, as all kids do. But this is becoming rather worrying.

She keeps asking people if they're going to die and have they died before. Of course i've explained that things aren't like they are in some of her films(lots of people coming magically back to life etc) but it's obviously not going in.

Las night I put her to bed and she slipped. She said " it's ok mummy, i'm not hurt. I didn't die did I!, If I died I wouldn't grow up would I and that would make you very sad wouldn't it mummy". I kind of just froze. I really didn't know what to say. Everything she said was, to be fair, true, but I wasn't ready or wasn't expecting to have to have this conversation yet.

Has anyone got any tips? Would really appreciate a bit of advice on this one.

Thanks for reading.

No tips, sorry. It's something I worry about as well, as DS2's grandfathers have both passed away - one 2 years ago, and the other (my father) in March this year. We haven't explained it to him yet - he was only 2 for FIL's funeral and we were unable to go my father's funeral (in the states). I don't even want to think about when he begins to think about that.

I will be watching this with interest to see what tips others have.

i have had simular obsession with gory things dont worry it will pass but i have HAD to explain about this to my DS (ASD) 11 when he was 8 as his nanny died he was very close to her seeing her daily so it was a very hard time he asked about where she was for months after then would stop and then start all over again at same time keep discussing death with me and crying thinking we are all going to die , which is true but id leave the room or say goodnight and he would think and cry saying he was scared i might not come back he got quite bad with it if he hurt himself he would think he was going to die just from a cut or graze or nosebleed , weve also had the lengthy chats always just as hes about to go to sleep about being burried/ cremated , how we die why we die where we go do we return... he has decided we come back as animals this has really helped actually as instead of death being so final it made him feel theres something better something else afterwards although ive tried to explain its the same as going to sleep and or if you can think back to before you existed before you were born and he says well obviously you cant and so ive said well thats what its like , he went to his nans funeral and weve had our dog die who was 10 at the time and numerous fish and hamsters so every now and again he reverts back to talking of it but hes not obsessed anymore , its very hard but i always wether NT or as my DS is ASD that if they ask you should try and explain but hopefully not at bedtime as my son always tried to do lol

smile it's lovely that your ds gets a lot of comfort in believing there's an afterlife. You say he's decided, which is key I would have thought. I like how you explained all the options and he made his own mind up.

zzzzz The Lion King you say. My dd has pretty much every disney film apart from that one. Apparently it's not out on DVD til 2012 I think. I see how that would help. I only saw it once when it first came out and I cried like a baby(hence i've only seen it the once). How old was your dd when she saw this? I'm wondering whether my dd will just start asking me questions about when i'm going to die and will my daddy die too like Mustafa?" I can hear her saying it. Having said that I think a lot of films which are targeting children tend to have a rather grown up message to them. You've only got to think of Bambi or Fox and the hound!!!Again, i'm a blubbering mess. I suppose the whole "circle of life"(got Elton John in my head now!) in the Lion King was a first as far as that kind of message goes. Thanks for the tip.:)

Also just thought i'd mention that the 2 films that we have to watch over and over again recently are UP and Toy Story 3................need I say more? I'm not strong enough for Disney Pixar!

DD is same as your DD (Poss ASD) and also obsessed with death! I thought it was healthy in older children sometimes but DD is also only nearly 4. She saw a girl on her own on the bus last week and immediately said, where is her Mummy? Maybe her Mummy died It isn't like we have ever had a death in the family or anything - not even a pet. She often plays dead too, which is lovely. Hope it is all a passing phase!

DS(5) has gone through this stage. He wanted to know about whether adults or children came first, why people were here, why do we die, where do we go after death, and when does death happen. I guess he was trying to understand the life cycle.

I bounced some questions back with a "what do you think?".
Said people don't know but have some ideas such as x, y and z. Then as the first suggestion.
On death: reassured him that his mam and dad would be around a long time (fingers crossed on that one). Said people die when they get old. Told him not to worry about death as it's all part of life.

BTW He concluded that people were here to have fun. :)

aww spiderobsession thats sweet , zzzzzz what about the disney books ive the lion king i read it to ds during that time its not one of his favourites but he did used to ask for it every now and again i think the circle of life was being talked about in school at the time the dvd is already out now btw did they stop it for a while? as its one ive got god ive got them all (groan) his favorites are still toy story and now hes older the piarates of the caribean , we shall have another sleepless night after we see the new one at the weekend though , cant not take him he loves them as his sisbs will be going he thinks he is jack sparrow at the moment going around shouting drink up me hearties yo ho

One of mine is obsessed with all things relating to death and dying, to the extent that I'm starting to wonder whether he's going to be the first undertaker in the family. :o

Things that have helped over the years:

• Explaining that we don't really know what happens when people die but that some people believe XYZ . This helped sidetrack ds a little as his interest steered more towards different beliefs about whether there's an afterlife and what happens if there is.

• Explaining that people can die for different reasons: illness, accidents, old age etc. From bitter experience though, I'd be careful to add that being ill doesn't mean that a person will necessarily die.

• The "Why do people die?" question has been answered with everything from the simple explanation of how bodies are like machines and eventually wear out, through to "What do you think would happen if no-one ever died? Where would we put everyone?" answers. The latter is a good way of helping them find their own answers and keeps death to a more general context, and distracts them a little from the "Will you/Dad/Auntie Ethel die one day?" questions.

I think you can also buy children's books that talk about death and relatives/friends dying. A lot depends on the level of understanding and language skills of the child. If you go for the books option, I'd read them through yourself first just to make sure that there's nothing that can be misunderstood by a literal-thinker. I found that out the hard way.