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Having a major panic attack.

6 replies

leiela · 17/05/2011 10:18

I have my final final final appeal for the final final final school on my list i belive can deal with my son this afternoon.

I've been to appeal already for a different school and lost.... So this is my last chance im utterly terrified.

I feel like i've spent my life letting my son down if i lose this i just don't know what i can do the only thing i know is that he CAN'T go to his assigned school.

OP posts:
Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 17/05/2011 10:27

Calm down......... put the kettle on..........have a hot drink Brew

You have prepared your case. You have got this far to an appeal which most parents won't ever bother doing. You need to understand that you are not letting your son down whatever happens.

You need to take deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth.

leiela · 17/05/2011 10:38

Argh ... i'm just having a totally Ugh! time of it...

I can't sit still and i've vomited at least a dozen times .. which i know is just nerve's i often get like this when im stressed, im going to the appeal on my own and tbh though i have a "public" job im not actually all that great at public type speaking so im petrified.

I've done nothing but be a total cow to my OH for the last week running upto this, everyone who see's my case says i've got a good chance and that i've prepared it well but they said that the last time and i still lost.

im just a total wreck!

OP posts:
Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 17/05/2011 11:02

Have you tried some Bach's Rescue Remedy - might help you to feel a bit calmer (((hugs)))

What time is the appeal? I will be thinking of you.

leiela · 17/05/2011 11:08

Appeal is at 2:30pm so not too long now.

OP posts:
Carrotsandcelery · 17/05/2011 11:09

You will be fine once you get there and get started. In the meantime I second the Bach's Rescue Remedy, a mug of camomile tea and some slow and gentle breathing exercises.

Can you go for a walk to work off your nervous energy?

I will also be thinking of you and sending you calm and capable vibes.

leiela · 17/05/2011 19:07

Ugh ... ok im back and panicing.

The couple in before me over-ran by an hour and a half.

So i ended up going in late. The LEA did there bit first then i was asked if i had any questions.

So i asked why i was refused criteria 2 (which is entree under medical and or social grounds) They it was because my chosen school doens't have an ASD unit.

So i then asked in that case since my chosen school has no specialist unit who Could get critera 2 for it??

The LEA guy, fumbled abit and avoided the question and said while i built a strong case for wanting the school i hadn't proven that the other school's couldnt provide the same care.

At which point i replied saying that i wasn't aware i had to prove reasons why the other schools couldn't take care of him, but to be fair i rang up the LEA and asked what i would need to provide to get him into critirea 2 in september and was told that he didn't qualify because he wasnt statmented. So if i was short on evidence it was only because the LEA refused to tell me what i needed and insisted from the word go that i didn't qualify before knowing anything more about my son.

This is when the panel seemed to get intrested.

I explained that i'd phoned when i was filling in my origional school choice paperwork and had asked what i needed to be concidered under criteria 2 and was told in no uncertain terms i didn't qualifiy because he didn't have a statement. Hence my original application didn't ask for criteria 2.

I then said that when i got my allocated school i was so upset i spoke to the choice advisor and she asked me why i didn't apply under criteria 2? i explained and she replied saying that the LEA was wrong i didn't need a statment at all.

So i explained that i rang back the LEA admission's team asking if i could be re-allocated, only to be told yet again "No" i didn't qualify i needed a statement and that the woman had been quite abrupt about it. But because my Choice advicer insisted the woman on the phone was wrong i decided there was no harm sending in a letter stating my case and requestion pretty please could they re-allocate me.

Phew ... Anyway the letter came back and they had refused my application.

I explained to the panel that its quite possible i didn't provide enough information but i'd been rushed getting the evidence together because it was last minute having been told twice i didn't qualify but i provided a good strong case as to why i did want that school and i'd provided evidence that my son had SEN's. That perhaps instead of being told twice, applying was pointless because i didn't qualify if i'd been told in september exactly what i needed to provide i would have done a much better job.

The panel at this point questioned the LEA about it, asking why i would be told such a thing when it was wrong etc. The LEA guy asked for the woman's name who gave me this mis-information which i did and he said he would take it up with her. ($£%* will he... i complained to the same guy twice about it already and he didn't seem to care he certainly didn't re-allocate me)

One of the guys on the panel nodded and say's it sounds like you where really missinformed?

I nodded and said yes i think so, but i blame myself i should have triple checked back in september, tbh if i'd have understood what a statement did better i would have known critera 2 wasn't for statemented children and that now it was my understanding that statemented children are above all catagories?

So they then asked, why didn't i have a statement?

I explained that i was told the statement would outline requirements for the school and that because the school my son go's to have been providing all his needs without a statement i didn't see the point. Infact tbh i didn't want to rub the school up the wrong way, incase they felt me getting a statement was a reflection on the job they where doing. Also that at the time it wasn't really explained to me the other benifit's of being statemented.

One of the panel guys rolled his eyes ?? good thing bad thing i have no idea??

Anyway ... at this point .. the lead panel guy said my document's seemed to explain my case well so he didn't want to upset me further by making me go though it all ... but was there anything i wanted to say.

I waffled on abit about my son and how he is so much more than "just autistic" and that it's been a long battle to work out what was wrong with him and that i when they told me he was ASD i was shocked and scared, i'd expected alot of things that that was never one of them. That i'd refused the diagnosis because i was in shock and that i was looking to have that rectified ASAP.

i explained that because he is quiet and good at his school work he get's over looked, that sometimes i think it's easier for parent's to get help when their children are disruptive or very obviously distressed and that just because my little boy was quiet and didn't complain didn't mean he wasn't suffering. I really really needed a school that would take care of him and wouldnt lose him in the crowd of noisier more confident children who scream and shout when they are unhappy and that perhaps i didn't have anything stronger to go on than my gutt but i knew this was the school to do it.

And then that was it ... they said they didn't have any questions for me and it was over.....

At my last appeal they asked 1000's of questions about EVERYTHING!!! this one they asked none?? surely thats a bad sign right??

I won't get an answer till next friday??! Apparently they have loads of other parents to see?

Why didn't they ask any questions!!!?? or even really get me to outline my case? didnt they want to know or is it possible my application document alone was enough?

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