Struggling with DS2 refusing to walk

[Triggles]

DS2 is 4yo and in reception. We live close enough to walk to school, however, he frequently refuses to walk or spends the entire time having to be coaxed, prodded, or pulled along in order to get him to school. When he gets upset or overwhelmed (which seems to be most of the time when walking out and about lately), he throws himself back or down or sits down or lays down and is either in screaming meltdown mode or shutdown mode where he won't even acknowledge that we're there. It's making transportation absolutely a nightmare lately - and then at the end of the journey, he's absolutely beside himself. We drove to and from school during the winter as it was so cold and he doesn't cope well with rain or snow, but it really came to a head the week the car broke down and we had no choice but to walk.

To be fair, I know we COULD drive every day, but the petrol adds up, and the traffic around the school is an absolute nightmare - children (and parents ) running out in front of cars, cars double parking, no parking spots available, trying to get him in and out of the car without him getting run over. Honestly, I am so stressed by the time I'm done with the school run, I have a pounding headache - but then again, same results with walking.

DH and I have been discussing this and have come up with two things that we are considering.

1. Purchasing a bigger pushchair (is it the McClaren Major? or is there another one?) so that we have it available not only for school runs but also for other outings that require walking or walking in stressful situations where he tends to do this.
2. Applying for mobility for DLA (already in receipt of MRC, but he is going to be 5 this summer and we could apply for the mobility part then).

What has everyone else done in this situation, as I'm curious. I really hate the idea of the pushchair, as I want him to get used to walking some, but at the same time, he gets very upset sometimes and I don't want to upset him either. I don't want to be tied to the car all the time if we can help it, but it seems that we're getting that more and more. I just keep bouncing back and forth on this....

Pros? Cons? Thoughts either way?

Triggles, I can understand why you are hesitating at buying the Maclaren. It is clearly a pushchair which people have when they have larger children with a disability - is it almost because you are then having to accept his disability at a "deeper level" IYSWIM?

Would DS2 on the buggy board instead of walking (still using the reins to stop running) help at all, as he then might not get to meltdown stage....

My DS (aged 5) has dyspraxia, SPD and probable ASD and will get to that meltdown stage due to the tiredness, tight hips and sensory issues. We are lucky enough to live 3 doors away from school but I tend to always drive to town even though it is only 10 minutes walk away. Just thinking - how far is it actually that you are asking him to walk? I didn't realise for ages that what is a short distance for me is actually a long way for DS (ie lots more steps required).

Ben10 In a way, I suppose you're right, but probably not in the way you think. It's not that I don't accept his disability at a deeper level, as much as I dread the feedback from others who see what appears to be an able-bodied child at age 4 in a pushchair. (go read AIBU if you want to see a few prime examples - they pop up regularly) I will admit that it also baffles me as to what precisely it is that is upsetting him - I keep thinking if we KNEW, then we could fix it and then wouldn't need it. And yes, I know that's far too simplistic.

The plan would be this:
Maclaren Major with buggy board. Initially set out with DS3 in Maclaren, DS2 walking. When/if DS2 reaches a point where he is unable or unwilling to walk, then put DS2 in Maclaren, and move DS3 to either walking or buggy board. Then when DS2 is rested and settled a bit, try to encourage him to walk again and put DS3 back in Maclaren.

I actually think DS2 is getting a bit heavy at age 4 for the buggy boards, otherwise I would get one for him to use, although I had one at one point and it broke, so we were a bit put off the idea of messing with them again for awhile.

He generally is okay (and by okay I mean we still have to deal with all the sensory stuff, switching hands, and so forth) for shorter walks, with encouragement and constant conversation - maybe 5-10 minutes - but it largely can go downhill at a moment's notice by a loud car going by or a dog barking too close to him or tripping and stumbling (being assessed for dyspraxia). I'd say the school walk is 20 minutes, usually takes us 40 or so.

I'm just not willing to risk injury to my back anymore, as he is getting taller and heavier (even though he is a skinny little 4yo), which puts too much strain on me to be constantly picking him up and carrying him for distances. I thought the above plan would make it so he's not reliant on it, but it's there for when it's needed. Maybe I just feel like a fraud because I expect children with SN pushchairs at this age to have an actual physical disability, even though I know it's more complicated than that.

I hope that I didn't upset you with my comment BTW. I would struggle myself with buying the buggy for exactly the same reasons that you are. The looks I got when he was 3 and the size of a 5 year old in the buggy were bad enough.

FWIW I would go with your plan.

My DS would not walk 20 minutes and he is nearly 6. I can mostly get him to do a 10 minute walk at a time, then a break ie something to eat and then another 10 minute walk.

I wouldn't be able to deal with a stressful 40 minute walk each way. I would definitely be going for the Maclaren and buggy board. I chose to drive my 10 minute walk to town so that I don't have to deal with the potential fall out.

choose

Ben10 Oh, no.. you didn't upset me at all! I think it's just such a big step that opens us up to more reactions from other people. I'm going to practice not being snarky with people who "tut" at us.

My DS is 4.5. He is tall for his age though. Still at nursery. But I have three children and fully intend to use the Major when he goes to school because three children, three bags, lunchboxes, coats, nearby carpark, parents swarming around getting in the way etc etc its just not practical to have DS on the loose. Its not just the kids its all the stuff.
We also put him in a bike trailer.
He will have tantrums sometimes when out and lie on the pavement etc so having a buggy is essential as he is too strong for me to do anymore than lift him and put him in the buggy, I cannot carry him far anymore
We do ABA and I do make him walk at other times but not when we have to be somewhere at a certain time, when I have all three with me or when we are on a family trip out / shopping etc.
I am perfectly happy to have him in the buggy for many years to come and we have not had negative comments. Sometimes it actually makes life easier as people twig he is disabled even though he does not look it.
If we didn't use the buggy we would have to use reins in busy places.
The other option for runners is one of those backpacks with a parent handle attached to it - so its like reins but doesn't look like reins.
Or you could get a larger trike with parent handle and harness?
And by the way my 7 year old is very lazy and will jump in either pushchair whenever he has the chance - it has not occurred to him to worry people might think he is disabled!

Agnesdispesto we use the reins, but obviously when he is tired or stressed and unable to (or refusing to) walk, reins don't really help much. And due to possible dyspraxia, he is not even close to riding a bicycle or trike. The pedaling sends him over the edge, and he certainly cannot focus on pedaling AND steering AND holding on at the same time. LOL I agree that it's not just about what they can manage but also what we, as parents, can manage. Nice to see that you've not had any negative comments. We have, when we've put him in the regular pushchair, but as you've said the Major does stand out a bit more.

sorry only just came back and saw Op and leilea refer to what i was saying about joint pain yes this could be hypermobility as in my son bein co-morbid (hes ASD,Hypermobile & Dyspraxic) so i was just wondering if their could be added reasons he may refuse to walk , my DS has got a lot better as hes got older but still especially on days out complains of aching joints and tiredness he had a tantrum (rare) as hes 11 now in the shop the other day lol i thought i got looks and tuts when he was little doing that but boy at 11 i just walked off and let him get on with it, going back to what we were saying sorry i digress getting old just to let the other mums who are going through hell right now with meltdowns and tantrums when out especially it really does get better as they mature they still get them but more infrequently and less severe, well the ones at home atm are getting a bit worse but i think thats cos of size im having more problem hes as big as me now

smile - after reading everything over here a few times, and discussing it further with DH, we've decided that we do want to the get Maclaren. As DS2 is going in for OT very soon, we're going to speak to them about it. If we can get it through them, that's fine, we'll just have to utilise the car more and do what we need to until that's sorted. If we can't, then we'll just put aside the money and get it ourselves. I am so horrified at the cost of the accessories - just as much as the pushchair!!!!

my ds is 5 in sept and refuses to walk aswell, have to carry him everywhere, i realy glad i saw ur thread, its awful to think of having them go to school in a pram isnt it? has ur son got a diagnosis? we are currently going thru the stages of diagnosis for autism, he has lots of traits

lisa6967 - no, not a definite dx yet. The paed refuses to have an absolute diagnosis until he is older, however, she has stated that she believes he has ADHD, ASD, sensory processing problems, speech and language delay, and gross/fine motor problems. So we just take it as a given at this point, as she seemed pretty comfortable with that. He certainly ticks a large number of the boxes for all that.

Yes, as I was saying earlier to Ben10, I do dread all the "tutting" and such. We've already overheard people saying comments about a child that old (4) in a pushchair before when we've been out (but also heard people commenting on his meltdown when we didn't put him in the pushchair either, so it's really a can't win situation, isn't it?), and I just know at some point I'm going to verbally go after someone over that. I get so cross over people judging - I don't feel that we should need to explain his behaviour to anyone. I told DH the other day that I was going to start carrying "police line-do not cross" tape and put it up when people are staring and then say "there, now you can rubber-neck properly!"

Majors do come up on ebay from time to time
We found a raincover on ebay that fits well enough as well

We've looked on ebay - nothing close enough to us, but we'll keep watching it. Thanks! We've also gotten DS2's appointment for OT this morning, and thankfully it's the first week of June!! We're so relieved. We'll talk to them about it and see what they say.