What sort of nursery?

[ThomCat]

Maybe I?m just thinking too hard about this one but have just started going to check out a range of pre-schools for Lottie. So far been to see a pre-school linked to the Catholic church and first school I'm interested in her going to. I have also checked out a Montessori school and on Friday I?m going to see n opportunity playgroup then on Tuesday a private nursery. I just don't know how I?ll know which is the best for her. It feels like such a massive decision. I don't know why I feel so concerned about it all?
Would the Montessori be good as it's so structured and big into education from day 1 and therefore would it help her academically in the long run, would it give her a good start - or is teaching her French at 2.5 years a bit much for her?
Would an opportunity playgroup be better where 30% of their intake are children with various special needs?
It just feels like such an important decision and I don't know how I'll decide what will be best for her.
Pathetic of me I know, and I know none of you can tell me what will be best - just wanted to come on here and let you know how I feel.

She?s such a little precious thing and I feel so responsible for her. I?m going through that ? am I doing enough for her, is it my fault she?s still not standing and having to decide which pre-school she attends just feels bigger than it should I suppose?
Sorry ? outpour over!

go view whichever you're interseted in and get all the literature on each individual place, read and digest it and then go back and visit with Lottie-see which she enjoys the most and which staff/nursery respond better to Lotties needs.
As you know my dd has cerebral palsy and is still not standing unaided(she was 3 in August and starts school next September)and we did the above..
DD does not go to the village nursery but to a neighbouring village as the building was more suited to her needs(yes it hurts seeing all the other Mums and their children walking past our house as we are struggling to get dd in the car but i know it's the best nursery for dd and she absolutely loves it and everyone staff and children all love her for being her(iykwim)...the next battle will be to get her accepted in that school but that's another story and one i don't want to worry about yet(being 4 months pregnant i don't need the stress in an already situation-got to go to get dd good luck will be back later

Thnaks Chatee. If only it were as simple as just finding a 'nice' school hey - there are so many things to think about. I guess i'll know when i know.
Does anyone have an opinion on Montessori and whether they think it could be beneficial for a child with SN?
If only Lottie were at least crawling properly, it's so hard to be discussing her place at a school when she's not even slightly mobile. I wish a teacher would say - not walking when she comes here - that doesn't matter a jot, not dry eaither - again no problem.'
I'm making such a big deal out of this aren't I. I should just relax and the right nursery will come up won't it.

I can't comment from a special needs view but I think you just 'know' when you've found the right one. Go and see as many as you can and eventually you'll have your heart set on one place in particular.

good luck x

dd wasn't dry either when she first started and that to the nursery we chose wasn't a problem-it was just another of dd's extra needs! but within 2 months of being there(and i think watching and doing the same routine as the other children did help)dd aged only 2.7 months was dry-ok the odd accident about once a month but that was mainly down to not being able to get her to the toilet quick enough after she had asked due to her limited mobility.
Have you got in touch with your local Early Years Childrens Partnership???
they have access to grants to help children with s/n to go to playgroups/nursery of the parents choice and with the grant provided the nursery could employ a p/t member of staff to assist the rest of the nursery team when your dd attends(that's what we did with dd and then everyone benefits)

Obviously seeing as many potentially suitable ones is the right thing to do. Apart from the Opportunity Nursery, it might be interesting to ask the others if they have any pupils with SN. Partly because they may well already have others but also you can gauge their reaction a bit more. Do any of these schools lead to what might be a suitable infant school (I know I'm well out of date on what schools are called and year group names). When I was looking for a nursery for my ASD son I found so many that just said they had no spaces. This told me volumes as, having a statement, that was not their decision but when I got that response I didn't want to know. It boiled down to one only in the end. A number of parents I know have made the comment that being in a school with a more diverse pupil population is better than being with high achieving, English as first language "models", I don't know about what I think about that but might be worth considering.
Wishing you lots of luck, of course its something that's going to make you anxious, its a big new step.

Hi Thomcat, do you have portage?If so they will be able to help.
If not contact your LEA and ask for a list of nurseries.I have no idea what Montessori school is so sorry cant help you with that one.
Hope it all goes well and you find one soon.
ps dont beat yourself up as nothing is your fault.
IMO you are a great mum
Also chatee IMO you are a great mum too

Chatee - no, I?ve never even heard of Early Years Children?s Partnership! Ill check that out, thank you.

Davros - the schools I've seen so far have never had a SN child. Thanks for realising that I feel anxious about it - feels comforting just to know others realise how I feel. Silly really but it does feel like such a big step and I'm scared of making the wrong choice. I think it will probably come down to the attitudes of the teachers towards charlotte that will help me make my decision. Comments like 'we've never had one of those, we've had deafness but not one of those' just get crossed off immediately and I may well find myself faced only with one school's attitude that impresses me.

Doormat - yes I do get Portage (and thanks God for it - the lady assigned to me is wonderful). Actually she's emailed me today and said she'll come with me to see this opportunity playgroup on Friday. Bless her.
I know 'stuff' isn?t my fault as such. I just lay her down in her cot last night and suddenly felt overcome by her vulnerability and felt incredibly sorry for her for some reason. That led me to worry that I?m not doing enough for her - you know how it is sometimes.

Ohh, don't want to end with a sad face - no need, just feeling a bit blluuugggghhhhhh and as Davros said I'm just a bit anxious. Thanks for taking the time to respond everyone. xx

I know exactly what you mean Thomcat
love and hugs
doormat
xxx

the reason why I mentioned portage was our portage teacher got ds a place, she sorted it all out and she was brilliant.

Having had a mixed experience with nurseries I would agree with davros. Some places are brilliant with SN kids and some frankly shouldn't be let near any. The best way is to talk to other parents. Ask about the SN ones as well. Our local CDC nursery is useless (to give you an idea - a friend went to pick up her dd on jubilee week. She asked the manager why they weren't having a party - and the manager replied "no point is there they don't understand!!!" Another good person to chat to can be parent partnership. They are employed by the LEA but are kind of independent. Ours told me (off record) that our local primary does not have a good reutation with SN and that they have a lot of calls from parents. This confirmed what I had already heard and explains wwhy I now drive half an hour each morning to get to a school in a different LEA (the next closest school with a good reputation was full anyway).

Have a look round, ask about their experience with SN and guage how "keen" they are. If you are in Bromley then email me off list and I'll tell you one not to touch with a barge pole

shouldn't be a wink- thought it wasn an appalling thing to say.....

Just wrote a really long reply and Louis has just deleted it grrrrr will may change your mind anyway try again..

Agree with jimjams and Davros to go and have a good look round and put her name down for quite a few because you may change your mind anyway. We like jimjams have had good and bad experiences with nurseries as I think most parents of pre-schoolers will have too.

Sorry will try to write a better reply later because ds is pestering me to death

um I think he cut and pasted will change your mind in the first sentance! either that or Im talking in riddles

as you know dd started full time nursery as I went back to work. Her nursery is a mainstream nursery although they have another little girl ( htink she has global development delay). The minute we walked into the nursery I knew it was the one I wanted dd at - the atmosphere was welcoming, friendly and ALL the kids were happy and looked to be enjoying themselves.

I did not bring up her special needs at first - poor dh did and I had to tell him that I had not told them. As far as the nursery and key worker were concerned - nothing is too much bother for them. They do her physio things with her, use makaton and just encourage her to do the same as the others etc.

In the month that she has been there she has come on in leaps and bounds and I don't regret it one bit.

Although Lottie is older than dd - I really think you will know. I never feel anxious about leaving her at all. Lottie will also be your guide - you will see if she feels happy and comfortable there.

As to not celebrating things as they would not know - this nursery does all sorts of things related to different celebratory days throughout the year.

I know that is not much help.....

Its not pathetic at all i went to five school with ds1 before i decided. You know which feels the best

Thomcat, you're not at all being silly! I was a nervous wreck when my first dd (no SN) started nursery and scrutinized about six different ones before finding one I liked.
Dd2 goes to our local mainstream nursery. She is the first/only child they've had with SN and I've got to admit we have our problems with them at times. However, they are all completely besotted with dd2 (whilst not cutting her any slack when she is being naughty ) and overall I am happy that she is in a positive and loving atmosphere. If I had the choice though I must say I would have jumped at the chance of putting her into a Montessori nursery (though not all nurseries that call themselves 'Montessori' really live up to it), mainly because the quieter atmosphere would help dd2 with her speech and she does really well with very structured activites. The Montessori method was originally developed for children with learning difficulties.

You could also look at Rudolph Steiner schools. There's one almost on my doorstep but when I went to visit it was completely unsuitable, premises as much as anything. I have never been able to penetrate whether RS or montessori is really good for SN and it must depend on the particular school...... sorry, not much help.

I'm a real steiner fan- and steiner himself was BIG into SN, but ime the school's aren't really suitable for complex SN (certainly not for full blown autism). They are good for AS as they provide a calm, structured, environment and small classes.

If ds1 was to become HF then I would consider Steiner. I wouldn't consider it for DS though. And the school's I've had contact with (only 2) ceetainly wouldn't have been suitable for DS or non-verbal autism. The parent and toddler groups however are lovely and very accepting and would be a great place for any SN child (and you get to drink lovely herbal teas).

Having said that there is a plan to set up a state funded steiner school in SE London (last I heard southwick) they may be able to cope with more complex SN as they would get the funding for LSA's etc.

There was a great picture in the Guardian Review section on Saturday of a bunch of kids from a Steiner school in NY State - all of them (8 or 9, assorted sizes) plastered head to foot, literally, in mud. Looked like so much fun!

Thanks girls - will print this thread off and discuss your ideas etc with my Portage lady on Friday.
I got a really good feeling about the Montessori school. When I went all the kids were sat round in a circle playing a throwing a beanbag into a box game and then they all had to describe the bean bag and then they all did little exercises. They all had little exercise books where they practice their numbers and letters etc which I think would be helpful for Charlotte - give her a bit of a head start if you like for her primary school. It would just be nice if I could combine that system with the opportunity playgroup where she can be around not only children of different cultures but with various needs as well. I want her to grow up being aware that the world is made up of lots of very different people. Some people have freckles, some wear glasses, some are bigger than others, so have dark skin, some have pale skin, some people are in wheelchairs, some people don't talk as clearly as others etc etc. I think the idea of her mixing with SN and non-SN children is great........ oh what to do, what to do??!!

Thomcat, well, you can always mix and match once you feel that Lottie is happy being at nursery. My dd has been going to mainstream nursery since she was one (now 2.5 years old) and is very confident there. She's now also getting a place at the special school nursery for two days a week - they're apparently very good at getting children ready for mainstream primary school and have great expertise, so she'll be going to mainstream nursery for three sessions and special for two. You don't have to decide on it all right now, Lottie is still so little.

Yes, it's really tricky isn't it Thomcat? I agree totally with you wanting your dd to see all the different types of people that there are in the world. Our local opportunity group is also great and has to have 50% SN (mostly language delay). Could she do part-time at the two different places, maybe start with one and then introduce the other a bit later, or would that be too confusing? My dd1 found that a bit much, so I ended up just sticking with the one she liked best. Good luck, I'm sure it will all work out fine!

mix and match hey 2under2.......hmmmmmm, interesting - I like that idea a lot, will investigate that.
Feel like I have to get going, she's 2 at Xmas and she'll start at 2.5 - and these places have waiting lists.