Bit down, looks like pre school judging children too early

[pigletmania]

I am probably being very very sensitive but I was talking to another mum today, her dd aged 4 goes to the same pre school as dd (possible dx ASD and speech and lang developmental delay). She was talking about her dd, not in a boasting way that the pre school teachers said that her dd is one of the brightest and cleverest there, I automatically thought of dd and thought that well they probably think that she is one of the slowest and not brightest there then, it makes me that teachers are making assumptions about children so early when they are bearly out of nappies. How do they know how a child will be like in a few years, 10 years or even 15 years time . Just because they are bright now does not mean that they will be in the future. Sorry for the rant feeling a little .

It does not help that the school keep talking about her weaknesses, what she struggles with, and not always her strengths, I had to demand another meeting to talk about her progress, as all they did in the parent consultation was talk about how slow she was, and how she is making very little progress and relating it to why she needs a statement.

DD has made so much progress, and I posted a proud mummy moment, well I have many, but it so hard not to compare her to her NT peers.

Oooh Hugs .... people annoy me so much.

It's why by the time i have DS2 i avoided all "so called" proffessional's at all costs.

I was called every sort of lazy mother with DS1 because he wasn't sitting at 6 months or walking by 2 ... everyone a critic .. as it happens ds1 is dispraxic and on the AS so it wasn't my fault after all but people fill your head with such junk you spend your life worrying about everything and blaming yourself.

IMO you should judge your child yourself, only you will truely know if things are "right" and if they arn't you will seek out the help you need when you feel she's struggling.

Kids do things at different rates even perfectly healthy ones.

Thanks leiela hugs to you too , it burst my proud mummy moment bubble this week. I know that my dd has difficulties (possible ASD with social communication difficulties and speech and lang developmental delay) and school have applied for a statement for dd for when she starts school there in September. When I meet with the school they are very ready with negative information, I had to get another meeting to discuss the positives as there were but of course the school did not tell me. Its that when you have a child with additional needs you are bomarded with information on: what they can't do, what they find difficult, that they are making slow progress etc, whereby the NT children are given more positive feedback.

I love my dd so much, and she has come on so much in the past year its amazing, and her imaginary play is getting really good, she loves dressing up and acting out different people most without prompting, and she learnt to ride her bike and scooter amongst other things, ok its not much in an NT perspective, but it is a big deal to us and dd.

I think it is easy for staff to say 'oh x is doing so well, he/she is so bright' when most likely it is just average NT development.

seeing the progress SN children make is a lot harder and takes practice and observation whereas NT children tend to just fly through all the stages effortlessly - The NT milestones given in books are quite low ( I think) so most NT children look amazing by comparison.

It's really hard when people keep telling you your child is broken! all you want to do is scream and shake them because your child is NOT broken.

They have "some" problems ... hell you name a single child that doesn't.

My youngest has no disability's to speak of unless you count a flare for getting himself into trouble. He is certainly not perfect....but i sware people don't focus on his failing's half as much as they do my older sons who does.

Sometimes it really aggrivates me... how negative people can be.

So here's to remebering the good stuff about our kids.

Ill start. Today my son ASKED to go outside and play with the other children. He generally avoids all oppertunity's to socialise with his peer's so yea it's a big deal and im a happy mummy.

That is so good leila well done to your ds, that is a big achievment

*My youngest has no disability's to speak of unless you count a flare for getting himself into trouble. He is certainly not perfect....but i sware people don't focus on his failing's half as much as they do my older sons who does.P

How true, how true. It seems that if your child has SN any little thing that they don't do right is attributed to them having SN but is it, it might well be part of normal pre school/young child behaviour. Don't I know it, my school experience was dreadful for myself, my mum threatened not to go to any parent evenings as she was fed up of hearing bad things. I have dx Dysparaxia, Dyslexia and dev delay, and it wasn't as well known then.

The teachers were so negative in my day, when I went into adult education the experience was totally different. I know have a good BA MSc in Psychology. Never in my wildest dreams would I thought that I would get this far. It was the positive attitude of staff at college and Uni that gave me self belief.

willocat I have noticed that, the developmental milestones do seem to be lower than when I was at school, I would have loved to have gone to school today it would have been a doddle

Keep smiling piglet and remember the proud mummy moments! That's what it's important. I have found this year a bit difficult with DS1 (ASD, nearly 4) as it is so much more obvious that he his behind his peers now. However, like your DD he has made progress in lots of areas that make me proud of him.

dietcoke thanks , that is so true. Its great coming on here the support is amazing.

Pigletmania The teachers were so negative in my day, when I went into adult education the experience was totally different. I know have a good BA MSc in Psychology. Never in my wildest dreams would I thought that I would get this far. It was the positive attitude of staff at college and Uni that gave me self belief.

Well done for not giving up. I hope DS can have a similar experience in FE after the negativity in MS.

Minx I am sure that he will. At FE they encouraged me to apply for uni, I got a place. I always thought that I was beneath it and that never would I go to uni. I did have SN when I was at school but never dx until college, they got the ball rolling, Ed Psych came in, got a report, the staff at college helped me apply for funding for extra help, got that, very positive experience.

Uni experience was great too, the special needs departments at both my unis fantastic

It is hard when you are faced with the differences between your child and the NT classmates and it can feel like everyone is focused on the negative. Try and look at it this way, the school are accepting your child has different needs and are trying to address them - so many parents have to battle with schools who don't help enough!

cwtch yes they do want to help dd, and the headteacher has a daughter in her early 30's who has ASD, and had help at school. She told me that due her getting help at school she was able to fulfill her potential and go to Uni and do a BA and MSc at Russel Group Uni. So if that means that it will help dd fulfill her potential whatever that might be than so be it. But I would like her strengths to be highlighted too as she does have them.