A question for anyone with an autistic, teenage DS. A little delicate.

[makemineaquadtruple]

Hi everyone.

I'm in a bit of a dilema. I'm not really sure how to play this one so all advice welcome. Especially those of you who actually have a teenage DS who has autism.

The other day I was out in the garden with my DD (4 possibly asd herself) and we were minding our own business playing games and lounging around and all of a sudden I hear "get your tits out!!" I was actually quite shocked and angry at the time, but also very protective of my dd. I didn't want her hearing that obviously. It was repeated from his window with his friend several times and started to become more vulgar so eventually I decided just to come inside.

The boy is around 17 and i'm pretty sure he is on the spectrum. This is only as I remember him as a child behaving rather inappropriately. Some of his behaviour was quite clearly autistic. On the other hand in the past 3 or 4 years, maybe more, you really wouldn't say there was anything wrong with him. He has obviously had some very good treatment. I'm not saying he probably doesn't still struggle, but he seems to have it under control.

So, my question is, should I say anything to his mother or even him directly given his age.

If I hadn't of seen him as a child I would have marched round there and then and told them what for.

Should I say anything? Although his mother isn't exactly my favourite person, I wouldn't want to just make her feel even worse than she probably already is, or give her another problem to worry about. But then I feel like she should know. Really don't know how to play this one.

Please don't think im being over the top or prudish. It was pretty bad.

Thanks for reading.

I've just had to change my nickname as apparently I can't spell.

Yes, in my personal view you do need to have a quiet friendly word with the parent involved. It's not acceptable to say such things and he could get into major trouble in society by doing so. I know not to do it, and he has to learn that too.

Mine aren't teenagers yet but I would absolutely want to be told if they were doing this.

amberlight, this was my point about having the ability to know what's acceptable and what isn't. His autism can't be severe as like I said before, he's been acting completely" normally"(to an outisider anyway) so I don't think his issues can be used as an excuse. I do believe there are some cases where it has to be taken very much into account. I'm starting to think this is just a case of very rude teenager syndrome. As mentioned before, he had a friend with him who certainly wasn't silent through the whole thing, but he wasn't quite so graphic.

It's coming up for a week now since it happened. Do you think maybe it's too late to say something?

Nope, as a parent I'd always want to know if my own teenager was behaving badly.

I'd say all of us can learn rules about what not to say to people unless we have a very low IQ or no language skills as well as autism. Social skills are absolutely vital for anyone on the autism spectrum. I'd hope the mum is as aghast as you are...but at the least you've done your best.

As mum to ds 16 with autism I would definitely want to be told so that I could sort it out. Sometimes ds isn't aware as to what isn't appropriate so needs telling, I wouldn't be at all offended if you knocked on my door and reported the incident. It is far preferable than the behaviour going unchecked and having police or an angry parent/ husband etc knocking instead.

Thank you everybody. I suspected this was the reaction and advice that I would get and it's certainly been useful.

Something I didn't mention earlier is that i've noticed him looking in our garden quite a lot in the last year or so. At first I just thought maybe he just had a crush. Since this though i'm starting to feel quite uneasy about sitting outside. I've even recieved a few rank calls over the past 3 days. It could have nothing to do with it and be a coinsidence. I don't want to feel on edge just going into the garden. The stares come across as just a bit creepy, but if it's part of his condition and it's completely harmless I don't want to offend his mother. LIke I said before, he's come on so much in the last 4 years or so from what I can see.

.........but from what everybody has said, I think I might have to say something regardless. I just hope she's as understanding as all of you.