Feeling sorry for myself - Becaroooo do you have any more bad jokes???

[proudmum74]

Hi All - I'm having a bad day and feeling sorry for myself - we're in the middle of dd annual reviews which aren't going great.

So rather than sitting here & wallowing in self-pity, I was wondering if anyone fancied sharing some of their bad jokes to cheer everyone up? Bacaroooo, I seem to remember you have some classic ones...

Thanks!

A new business has set up in our village high street. Its a combined practice with a vet and a taxidermist working in the same premises. It means if you take your dog in there, either way you get it back!

- very good!!

Man goes into the doctors and says "Doctor I can't stop singing 'The green green grass of home'". "Sounds like you have Tom Jones syndrome". "Is it common?". "It's not unusual...."

A man was delivering some monkeys to Chester zoo, when his van broke down. he was standing at the side of the road wondering what to do when he saw a farmer approaching with an empty lorry. He flagged the farmer down and offered him £500 pounds to take the monkeys to the zoo. The farmer agreed and the monkeys were transferred to the farmer's lorry and off he went. A couple of hours later the man was still waiting for a breakdown vehicle to come when he saw the farmer coming back, still with the monkeys on board. He flagged the farmer down again and asked why he hadn't taken the monkeys to the zoo. "I did." said the farmer. "We had a great time and there is some money left over, so I'm taking them to Alton Towers."

Better stop now! :)

zzz my two year old used to tell that old joke!!

Ahem......

Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.

Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the cow was killed. Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray.
He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.
"What happened?" asked Posh. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh. The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed the cow."

A woman rushes into his house and yells at her husband 'Bob, pack your things. I've just won the lottery,'
Bob replies, 'Wow!! shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
'I don't care,' she says, 'just as long as you're out of the house by noon,'

RAC man by the side of the road, crying.

Looks like he's heading for a breakdown.

Did you hear the one about the fat, alcoholic transvestite?

All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

A boy shouts to his mother 'MUM, CAN YOU HELP ME?, his mum shouts back - 'I'M IN THE BEDROOM, DON'T SHOUT AT ME,GET UP HERE AND TALK TO ME PROPERLY'
The boy walks upstairs 'that's better', she says 'now what did you want?'
'I trod in dog shit and couldn't get my trainer off'.