Finding it hard to get her to do as she's told - not just a SN related thing so anyone pls answer

[ThomCat]

I'm not sure how much is her just not really understanding me and how much is her exerting her will, or trying to exert her will over me.

This morning she was on my bed, lying down, chewing on a piece of toast, and I said 'right, Charlotte come downstairs now please, put your shoes on' 'NO' 'and your coat on' 'NO' 'and then we can go to school' 'NO'. So I then said 'Yes Charlotte, I want you to come downstarirs please so we can go to school' 'NO'. 'Stop saying no to mummy that's naughty, come down now please' 'NO'. It ended up with me getting a bit cross with her so that she could tell I was serious and I had to physically bump her down each stair.

I went into the kitchen to get her lunch box and when I came back she was sitting at the top of the stairs looking down at me! Now part of me wants to crack up laughing and part of me loves that she's cheeky and strong willed etc, but I need her to do as she's told.

So I went up to her and saying 'naughty, no Charlotte. Mummy says downstairs now please'. There was no laughing and being silly playing games, her face was dead pan, she was testing me.

Do I go through this over and over and eventually she'll have to give in and start doing as she's told?

What would you have done differently?

LOL, so true Davros. I'm sure we'll have lots of bad days as well, just funny that it went so well this morning.
Right, I'll get the digital camera out.
Bought a voice recording photo album for the kids (ohhh get me - kids ) and want to take lots of pics to use for that anyway so I'll just be mad picture taking woman from now to Xmas!
Thank god for digital cameras.

h TC
Yesterday dd claimed she didn?t want to go swimming, then when we got to the door is was pouring, she stood on the step screaming....
I got ds1 in the car then said as Moondog says, come on or we are going without you.
Then I walked her down and into the car and told her firmly that she was a big girl and I wouldn?t stand for that behaviour. If she kept on with it I wouldn?t let her friend come round for tea as she is obv not a big enough girl.
She did the swimming, did really well and then said it was her best thing all day!
I think you are doign the right thing, just need to be consistent and persist with it.
If she sees there?s no fun to be got from annoying mummy/and or she might miss out on sthg then she?ll start to come round.
My dd is 4.5 btw, and NT so not a great comparison to yr dd who I know is not 4 and obv will take longer to learn things but I?m sure from what you say she could grasp this kind of message. Sounds like today went muchbetter and good advice on here as ever
How?s the cruising going btw???

Hiya Clary, well she's 4 in amonth so.....
Errr, well cruising, ummm, it's still happening, although I'd describe it more as hesitant, wobbly edging along a table etc!
She was stood at the table at nursery this morning, picking her name out to put int he basket and I saw her edge along to get her name.

TC, I've been thinking about this since last night and I'm glad you saw the funny side of the toast issue cos it had me giggling yesterday. My ds has special needs but he has austism and dyspraxia rather than downs syndrome so I am not sure how helpful this will be but one thing that helps with my son is telling him in advance what he will need to do. For example, while you were getting dressed, you could say to Lottie, when I finish getting dressed, we will go downstairs, then as you are going downstairs, telling her that when we get downstairs, Lottie will need to put her coat and shoes on so that we can go to nursery etc.

With ds, I find this approach can work very well as long as I don't overload his system by telling him more than one or two things that he will need to do. Also maybe think of making up sories that you can tell her at bedtime the night before that relate to what she needs to do the next day. HTH.

sis that's a good idea for bedtime stories about the next day's activities. My children always want to know what we are doing today/will do tomorrow.
TC bless her cruising to get her name!

hi Sis, hmmm, well on the rare occasion during the week that she is still awake when I put her to bed (!) then we always have a chat about her day and what she did etc so I could talk about the next day. And yes, prepping her as to what happens next throughout the morning is also a good idea. Thanks, TC x

Hi TC. Hope you are all well.

Amelia is such a strong willed little madam too. She certainly knows what she does and doesn't want. I have struggled with this sort of thing for ages now and all I am told by the "professionals" is that she is determined and confident and that she is trying to be the independant little girl I am bringing her up to be. But that doesn't help me when she is in the middle of the street and refusing to move!

I find myself constantly adapting the way I do things, trying to make a game of everyday routines, she helps me with my boots and I help her with hers!She helps put my coat on and I do the same etc. Takes forever but it works..sometimes at least.

Today I even left her sitting on the middle of the pavement! Terrified and anxiously looking around to make sure that no cars came into the street. I just didn't know what else to try and I was just so stressed with her swinging on my arm. The marching, giant step, pidgeon steps routine just wasn't working.

Sorry for the waffle but I suppose it's just finding ways to make those routines fun. I also have stopped saying "that makes mummy angry" and I have started saying "that makes mummy sad" I even occasionally pretend to cry....not something I am proud of doing but needs must and it's worth having a few tricks up my sleeve in an attempt to save my sanity...hmmm or is it too late.