2 problems - very long, sorry

[janetsplanet]

ok 1st problem - DD2 (7) is being assessed for ASD with CAMHS, she also has dyspraxia. At times her behaviour is terrible. Friday night she was stood on her windowsill screaming (tantrum) that she was gonna jump out. we have window catches and i stay in the vicinity when she was like this, but how the hell am i meant to deal with it. Smackin does no good, shouting doesnt. what am i meant to do in situations like this. also when shes running wild round the supermarket screaming. what on earth am i to do?

problem 2 - DD2 was diagnosed with hypermobility at 2yr old, dyspraxia at 5yr old and is currently being assessed for ASD at 7yr old. all of these referrals have been easy to get as she has been in the 'system' since birth due to heart problems etc.

DD1 (12) was a horrible baby and toddler i actually wanted to leave her somewhere. feeding problems, screaming missing milestones, kidney problems. i got her referred to a paed and physio about her development at about 1yr old. she walked at 11 month but couldnt do anything else using gross motor skills.
the physio came out and told me the DD was lazy and it was me being an over anxious mother. DD could go to sleep at the drop of a hat if she didnt want to be around people. she would walk into a room with her eyes covered so she didnt have to see anyone. if people walked into the room, she would close her eyes and instantly be asleep. there was no going shopping with her at all. she would scream, and i mean scream.
fast forward a few years to when youngest was 2yr old and diagnosed with the hypermobility. I queried DD1 then and she was diagnosed with hypermobility at 6yr old.
DD2 was diagnosed with the dyspraxia at 5yr old, which made me query DD1 again. She was then diagnosed with the same as DD2 at 10yr old.

now DD1 is an odd child. she isnt your average 12yr old. shes more 7/8 but i cant pinpoint why. she can go from love to hate in seconds. can only have 1 friend at a time. has horrible mood swings. and basically just isnt 12yr old. she will say things like 'no offence, but do you like having a roll of flab on your belly' 'no offence but your eyebrows are really bushy' (things like that)

since getting DD2 assessed for ASD, im now beginning to think summat is wrong with DD1. but im worried that im trying to find something that isnt there IYSWIM. i dont know if i should be asking questions or just leave her. are these typical 12yr old girly problems.

Janetsplanet, I would go with your gut instinct and have your DD1 reassessed, if you feel a DX will be of benefit to her. It may help for her to understand why she is sometimes different to her peers, it may make it easier for you to get school to support her better.

As your concerns about your DD2 are being taken seriously, hopefully the link to DD1 will also be taken seriously this time. If she is less affected than your DD2 that's probably why it was missed before, but it isn't a very good excuse. Such a shame you have had to battle so much for your DD1.

Does DD1 get support currently at school for her dyspraxia? That help should include social skills, really as that is a symptom of dyspraxia.

she gets help doing exercises for half hour each morning and needs help with maths. her behaviour is nothing like DD2 but summat aint right. i just feel deep down i need to do something. i think im in my 'mini meltdown/obsessional week.

i remember being at my mams with DD1 as a toddler. a friend came with her dyspraxic/aspie son. she saw the way my DD was acting (going to sleep with eyes covered) and said 'oh does she have aspergers'
of course my child was perfect to me and didnt have anything of the sort.

im just worried ill be told im too anxious etc, but family agree DD1 isnt 'normal'

both girls were under the same OT. i asked OT about the mood swings etc and was told that its typical girly moods. DD1 doesnt have OT now and the paed has referred DD2 to a different one as she doesnt rate the private one much

I think you could easily justify getting her referred to a paed, especially as DD2 is in the system, it's definitely common to have 2 siblings on the spectrum. If you think it would be a benefit and maybe a relief, go for it. I don't think, from what you describe, you are being overly anxious.

thanks for the replys. ill get onto school tomorrow and see what they think i can/should do. i have an NT DS (13) so i do know that the girls are different