Oh Bloody Hell. I have to decide whether to have DD2 assessed and I don't know what to do.

[Crevix]

DD2 is 13. almost certainly has aspergers. was referred about 18 months ago from CAHMS to the Pervasive Developmental Disorder Assessment Group (PDDAG) (try saying that after ).

Anyway. very long story short - she copes, she manages (mostly), she goes to school (mostly). She has hideous blow-ups every couple of months and is generally not particularly happy.

But would a label actually help or hinder?

Oh lord I just don't know what to do. I see her counting down the days until she can escape school. But would a label help? she might get more help at school and beyond. But what about later? what about when she needs a driving liscence? or tries to get a job?

Or she might not have anything 'wrong' and just be a stroppy mare and then what?

what do you think?

they don't refuse you a driving licence if you have Aspergers

thought you had to declare it? i may be very wrong (and slightly shitting myself)

Yes, I think you should go for dx; if she gets one who she/you tell/inform is up to you. It will help if she has difficulties at school/university (a long way off I know!) and it may help her make friends, being more supportive, more inclusive (?).

If she is just a "stroppy mare", then her difficulties will most likely pass when the hormones settle!

I don't think a label of aspergers will hinder her, does she feel different? It may provide an explanation and keep self esteem at a reasonable level (given teenage angst and all that) x

im sure you don't...can't see my DD driving ever so haven't thought about it, would astound me if you did

You don't ever have to declare a label of Aspergers.

No one will know about it who you don't want to.

I'm sure it will help her to have it properly dx. Put her mind at rest type thing.

fears slightly allayed. thanks.

after waiting so bloody long having t dcide is freaking me out a bit.

I would definately go, if you don't you may regret it in the future and these things take ages to set up. She will be the same person at the end but it may help her and make people more understanding if it turns out she does have AS.

Good luck.

i feel like vicky pollard - yer but no but yer but no.

we do need to do this. but i'm scared of the what-ifs. what if she has? what if she hasn't?

zzzzz talks sense. i think. probably. maybe. not good with decisions. will write some lists.

On the direct gov website it says that if Aspergers does not affect your driving you do not need to inform. If it does you do need to inform. if you're unsure you should check with your consultant! Clear as mud really. x

I suppose if it did affect your driving, made you unsafe, you probably shouldn't drive. Mind you, there are loads of unsafe boy racers out there, no-one stops them learning and getting a licence.

You'll need to keep her informed of what is happening and 'sell' it to her for her cooperation.

It can be frightening for a child that age to think that suddenly everyone is going to be looking at her differently at a time when she is probably desperate to fit it, but this 'label' could well protect her.

Perhaps you can make sure she is aware that it doesn't have to be declared and that dx are only given if they are thought to be useful. Also, dx can be removed too.

very surprisingly when i told her she didn't rant and shout and rip up the letter (like i expected) but just aid 'what do you think we should do?' all grown up and serious. she is very aware that she is a bit different and tries so haed to fit in.

i'm feeling more positive about it today and think it would be more help. ut i may change my mind later.

We have been stuck in the "shall we , shan't we" thing with Dd3[8].

Shall we get her assessed, shall we move her school.

She is being assessed and we did move her school mainly because we know we are trying to do our best for her.

She is becoming more aware of her quirks and also in some ways more difficult to handle.

I worry about her teenage years without a Dx because girls can be so unforgiving if you don't fit in.

My Dd1 was never dx'ed because she was missed, I tried to get her differences recognised but they were put down to her being v.bright and my parenting style[whatever that meant].

She is 22 now and although she manages her life quite well most of the time her issues do get in the way and make life hard for her.

Obviously I have gone down the route of getting my girls assessed but I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do. Only that if you go to some appointments and then decide its not for you or your Dd then just don't persue it.

Good luck whatever you decide..

The other option is to go for a private assessment and then you can keep diagnosis to yourself. I do know of plenty of people worried about giving their child a label, but have been relieved when finally they have had a diagnosis. Don't get much help always when it is on the mild end.
One friend with a child was dianosed with Aspergers was relieved because the school were so much more tolerant of dd's behaviour after diagnosis. At uni dyslexics get free laptops etc. Sometimes the child can be relieved too at knowing there is a reason etc.

As far as employment goes there is the disability discrimmination act.

If you have her DXed, she is entitled to support in secondary school, which may make a world of difference since secondary is mostly where you carreer choices and options get defined. She would also be entitled to extra support at college/uni.

DD1 was diagnosed last year. We had never suspected because she hid everything so well but underneath she was in a terrible mental state. We only found out when she couldn't cope at school.

She is getting support for her severe anxiety from CAMHS which is great but I think there are other big benefits. We understand her better and can make adjustments to accommodate her needs but I guess the OP can do that without a dx.

The main benefit for DD1 herself is that she understands why she has always felt different, why she always made an effort to fit in with the other children but never succeeded. She feels like she is part of group now rather than just worthless person who nobody wants to be around. She's now attending an autism unit which makes school much nicer and she has friends with AS who don't exclude her. This has boosted her self esteem better than any counselling or CBT ever could.

HTH

My DS2 is much younger (7) and has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. The way I see it, if she is assessed then you will know clearly one way or the other. Then you can move on and get the help you need. if it's not Aspergers, she might be able to get help for the difficulties she does have, such as tantrums/anxiety and if it is then surely it can only make life easier for her (ie if school are aware and close family/friends). It's horrible being stuck in limbo not knowing one way or the other (I've been there for the last 4 years !!) Good luck x

Appointment is booked. June 13th. feel sick.