Tips on coping with SN toddler and newborn!

[badkitty]

There was a thread on one of the main boards recently asking for tips on coping with an (NT) toddler and newborn. None of these were really relevant to me as I can't my ask DS (who will be 2.5 when baby comes along, and has CP) to e.g. help me by going to fetch wipes and stuff, and there I can hardly leave him to play quietly by himself without assistance! I know there are people on this board who have been through the SN toddler/baby thing so wondered if anyone could give me some tips more appropriate to our situation!! I will by the way have quite a lot of help for the first 6 weeks or so as am having a C/S and couldn't manage lifting DS, driving him to appointments etc.

My DS is crawling (although wobbly and reluctant to go far) and can pull to stand and cruise a bit but this makes him quite dangerous and he needs to be closely watched all the time as he is easily thrown off balance so often falls over dramatically. Also his hand function, while improving (so for instance, he can feed himself a meal of finger foods although can't manage cutlery) is still poor so to actually 'play' with anything he needs help really. He is generally fairly adaptable and easy going, but he is used to having constant one-on-one attention and I suppose expects someone always to be on hand to help him when he gets stuck (and who can blame him!) I really don't want to end up sticking him in front of the telly all the time while I am feeding the baby but at the moment he needs such intensive attention all the time that I just don't know how I'll manage!

The telly is your friend! Sorry, but there will be times when that'll be a good option, if you're bf there's nothing much you can do. Just don't feel guilty about resorting to it from time to time. We all do.

Are there any special playgroups your DS could attend for short sessions? Give you some 1:1 time with the baby and some stimulus for your DS?

Second (and third) borns are pretty good at being put back in their cot or playpen quite quickly and amazingly seem to manage to thrive without as much attention as PFB's get. Everyone feels guilty they don't give later DC as much attention, but I think they gain more from their sibling than they lose from their parents.

I found a playpen (big travel cot thingy) essential for safety as my DS2 wasn't very careful with DS3. He still got toys dropped on his head but at least he wasn't sat on.

He did his first afternoon at nursery yesterday actually, at the moment they can only provide 1-to-1 for one afternoon (no statement yet) but hopefully in September he will be able to do 2 or 3 afternoons - was a big success.

I am pleased to hear what you say about second babies although I worry I am being a bit naive in assuming this baby is going to be really easy compared to DS - I suppose that is not necessarily the case as they are all their own person, but all the NT babies I have met (of course am assuming it will be NT as can't bring myself to imagine the alternative at the moment!) have been SO much easier than babies with brain damage like DS - and also I suppose not having the crushing sadness of DS's first weeks/months and constant fear over milestones, seizures etc to cope with will make it seem easier.

You'll be an experienced parent this time around, whatever is thrown at you, NT or otherwise, you'll be in a better position to cope. And (most) babies are easier than (most) toddlers. Be kind to yourself.

Hi there, I too have the same worries about coping with a newborn & my 3 year old DS who has severe brain damage ( can't see, walk, talk, feed/dress himself). I'm getting by on the thought that when DD arrives it will all be so much easier than what I've been used to.
I am very lucky in the fact that I have excellent family support & DS goes to special school full time.
badkitty, I think, like EllenJaneisnotmyname suggests, you just got to do whatever makes your life easier at the time. I really empathise with you though, that there isn't much info out there on having a SN toddler & then a newborn. I'm sure you'll be fine :)

Hi Lottie, when is your DD due? Sounds like we are in a similar situation!

Hi badkitty - I'd been looking out for you! I responded to your first thread announcing your pregnancy! Hope you are keeping well!

I have DS1 (2.4) severe GDD and DS2 (8 months) - I'm not sure I've any advice really just get through the first 12 weeks and you'll be flying! :) I think you'll find your own way as you go - what works and what doesn't. All I tried to do was be ultra organised which helped a lot but not always possible! Wipes/nappies/dummies/toys strategically placed all over the house!!

Hi,

Am in similar situation too, my DS has GDD, he isnt too bad though, but he will be 3 when the baby arrives and im already stressing over it!

He weighs about 17kg, and we still use a pushchair as he constantly runs off so has to be restrained, so not sure how I will cope out and about with a little one too, cos he is too heavy to use a double buggy and not really convinced a buggy board will do the trick either!

I'm thinking along the lines of the rest of you's though, my DS was such hard work this should be a breeze!

When are you all due?

Hi 1980sport how's things with you and your two boys? I remember you from my old thread! Have been hoping that once we get through the first 3 months or so we will be ok.

anon, I am due in July. I have been doing a lot of research into double buggies and just spent a ridiculous amount of money ordering a Baby Jogger City Select - one of the reasons was because the seats apparently go up to 20kg and we will probably need it for a long time, also I think the Phil and Teds goes up to 25kg so if you got something like that maybe you could put DS in it if necessary (although don't know how hard it would be to push at the top end of the weight limit!) My DS is only 10kg - barely makes the charts but it certainly has its advantages - I don't know how I would manage lifting him now if he was the size of some 2yr olds!

You will be fine badkitty(and others in this situation)

my advice would be to babyproof one room (i use my living room), have gates on the doors and toys available and some big cushions.
then use that room as your base and spend most of your time on the floor so your ds can crawl and play around you whilst you hold and care for the baby. and you will still be able to talk and interact with him even if your hands are full.

and another tip might be to practice having your hands full for a while before the birth by carrying around a big baby doll, you can talk with your ds about the baby and help prepare him this way.

when going out and about feed the baby and settle it in pram/carseat then you can quickly get ds ready and off you go.

accept all offers of help and lower your housework standards.

Aim to get through to the end of each day with two happy and fed children and let everything else wait till tomorrow.

Hi badkitty - we're all doing great, DS1 is making slow progress but still no walking or crawling :( Lots to keep us busy between the ongoing genetic tests, his OT, physio and SLT and also just about to start assessment for statement! Aahhh! DS2 is doing great - can't believe he's 8 months already!

I have a phil and ted and I would recommend it to anyone in a similar situation! DS1 is 13 kilos and has plenty of room still to grow! It's really easy to push and doesn't feel overly heavy! I'd also recommend the scootababy side carrier for any toddlers who like to be carried a lot!

I just thought afterwards that my lifesaver has been Internet shopping! I get all my food shopping online and nappies/wipes from amazon I couldn't have managed to get out to the shops in those early days!

Badkitty, I'm due September 14th, what about you? We get respite a few times a year at an amazing hospice near us, so for the first few days my DS can go there. Do you get any respite?
Talking about buggies, have you seen something called buggypod? It enables you to attach a pod on wheels for a very young NT child, to a special needs chair. Genius idea!
Please keep in touch or mail me on here if you need a chat :)

By the way, the buggy we use, is a specialist one called Otto Bock, doesn't look very different from mainstream buggies. It's designed for a growing child, it is funded through O/T, not sure if the funding aspect is a postcode lottery issue?

I have a 34 month old boy and a 14 week old (also a boy). Finding it incredibly stressful managing them both on my own as the elder one is very boisterous and over enthusiastic around the baby so I can't leave them together for a second. I find bf almost impossible when the elder one's around as he comes and jumps around us and bothers the baby so he stops feeding. I have to shut myself in another room to feed (which the toddler hates) and just hope he doesn't get up to too much mischief while I'm gone. I thought by now the novelty of a new baby would have worn off and things would be a bit calmer but they just seem to be getting harder as the baby is awake more and needs my attention as well. I feel angry towards the elder boy for making me so stressed then feel really guilty as he's only little himself and needs lots of my time as well.
Help!