DD's sight problem rearing it's (very ugly) head again & I want to sit in the corner & cry; which is just pathetic

[KatyMac]

It's about 6 months since we last saw CAMHS with DD & I have been having counselling every since because I dealt with the whole thing very badly.

It's our follow up appointment on Thursday & I don't want to go; the appointments didn't help me or DD or DH & I dread it - but we will of course go.

My counsellor suggested I wrote down how I feel by it now 6 months on & I can't even do that; & you guys know how much writing things down helped me last year.

Any tips for getting through it?

Okay, well write down a fabricated version of how you feel, with made up things and nonsense.

By the end of it I bet it will closer reflect the truth than you were planning.

Oh I get you; no my counsellor won't care that I can't write it down; it's the CAMHS appointment I'm struggling with

She thought writing it would help me

I'm being pathetic; DD is over this, we were treated badly but we (well DH & DD) have moved on. Going there shouldn't matter

It's picking up the pen and starting that's often the most difficult part. I think that's what Starlight was suggesting, just start off by writing what you think people might expect you to write, that might get you started and thinking about it without having to 'get real!'

Well DD's appointment is this morning; I haven't coped well with the lead up.

My appointment to deal with today with my counsellor is tomorrow; so hopefully I may feel better then

i don't know where you got the idea that you didn't cope with it all very well. I think you were bloody billiant. you never stopped fighting for answers and battling to be heard and doing so so much for her.

deep breath, breathe, get it over and done with.

How did it go, KatyMac? Let us know how you all are.

Well it was a bit pick on mum time (DH & DD both) but we survived

So much for being a last appointment - we have another in June

At least my one tomorrow will be nice; it has to be I pay for it. I have sorted out lots of my life with that counsellor - just not the 'issues' from last year

Well done, you got through it. Who was it that was getting at you, the professionals or your DH and DD? Sorry, easily confused!

DD & DH

If I was a man working this hard it would be acceptable, not good but understood; but as a woman running my own business & studying for my degree I am neglecting my family

Oh, sorry to hear that Katy. 1950's sexism still out there and flourishing! Anyway, respect, running your own business and getting a degree at tha same time. I'm too lazy, living up to the stereotype, sorry!

Everytime I start to talk or think about last year I start crying

It was so awful; I can't disconnect from it

My counsellor today was much more positive; she asked what power/relevance this psychologist has, why does what she thinks matter?

Which is a good point

Glad you're feeling more positive, Katy. Some of these 'professionals' don't seem very professional, often sometimes.

Yeah, I mean working hard (self employed) & studying do mean I have less time for DD, but DH is at home ALL the time & I really am doing my best even if she thinks it isn't good enough

Hi. KatyMac I read your posts last year and found some of the Profess. attitude towards you awful.
When you think of the whole episode, what is it do you think that is most upsetting for you? Your dd loosing her sight, or what happened after that? Perhaps it will help you to tease out what you feel about what?
Why have CAMHS set up another appoint? If it is "just" a space for dd and dh to vent, then it really isnt theraputic for any of you. Did you get to say anything at the appoint/were you asked anything?
If you find going to CAMHS too upsetting, it is ok for your dd to attend with your dh, and they can fill you in back home.
Have you/did you formally complain about your treatment at the hands of the Profess? It may help to do this, in a point-by-point basis, and in that way, you are getting the thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Even if you get the standard response of blah, blah, know that someone has had to look at what happened and the process has taken up their time, and perhaps just make them think a little.
You could also, and I think you should, put in a FOI request for all information held on your dd by ALL profess. involved. This way, you will see what exactly was being said by whom, and this could be useful if you want to take things further.
Maybe you will decide you can let-go and not let them have anymore hold over you. I hope you can find some peace.

I honestly don't know Bigpants, I just break down into tears and an emotional mess when ever I think about it (I'm crying now).

I cope fine with day to day stuff, deal with everything I have to do; but with this one subject I am irrational

I need to let go & move on; that's why I am having counselling, DD's is just follow up

Whether I can take anything further I really don't know; certainly not while I respond like this to the subject & whether taking it further would be useful or desirable I really don't know.

I had been wondering how you were. Although you feel rubbish, you sound so very much better overall than when this all started. I had no idea how you were coping then, but you seemed able to keep going just because you had to. Perhaps why the delayed shock is kicking in now?

It certainly works like shock or even some sort of PTS reaction

Or maybe some sort of anxiety attack

Totally irrational

I was talking to a friend today & she says the only reason to go from 2/3 weekly CAMHS appointments to 6 month gap is because they know they were wrong & they can't admit it

Which made a lot of sense

Isn't it odd 6 months of counselling and I get no-where (with this issue; I have learnt loads) and a half hour with a pal & I get 'perspective' it isn't fixed; I will always have it but I can view it differently

That's why professionals can never replace your mates who've known you for years, through the good and the bad.