DS sent home from autism unit for hitting

[dazedandconfused]

DS sent home early today for the first time , even though they have had bad behaviour from him on quite a few occasions - I feel as though things have got worse. I haven't had the full story yet - he won't talk about it, doesn't seem to understand what happened and was v upset. HT told him that he can't behave like this, that he's nearly 8 and that it's time for him to grow up. Now he doesn't want his birthday in 2 weeks because he's afraid of what growing up means.

I'm worried - not least because am 8 months pregnant with DC3 and had hoped that DS was starting to settle down. His behaviour at school is always so much worse than at home ... although saying that, the weekend was hard work and he screamed and shouted about even leaving the house.

Whenever something goes wrong at school I start to wonder whether home ed wouldn't suit his needs so much better. But with a new baby on the way, I don't think I could cope at the mo.

Any ideas for dealing with the hitting? He is making progress with this at home - we just keep reiterating that it's unacceptable and withdrawing computer time - but it all seems to go out the window at school. Although the other ASD children at the unit have other issues, none seems as bad as DS behaviour-wise.

Bump.. And hug :( sorry nothing more to add I'm struggling too

Im surprised your DS was spoken to like that TBH. It is unacceptable of the HT of an autism unit to talk to any child like that let alone an 8 year old autistic child! Does the HT have training with ASD? I ask that because unfortunately sometimes the units attached to MS schools (in my area especially) are still staffed by people who have little knowledge of ASD.
If its any consolation my son is aggressive and has a dx of autism and ODD and was excluded from 2 mainstreams by age 7 and refused places at units attached to MS and now attends a private autistic school with 23 pupils in total age range from 8-19 and is in a class of 3 children. All staff at my sons school are specifically trained in ASD and he has access to a calm room and is restrained if he is lashing out in a manner that is unsafe to himself or others. Since starting at this school he has NEVER been sent home for his behaviour and in fact the opposite happens, ie, if he kicks off before home time the school ring me and say he will be home late as they wait till he is calm then discuss his behaviour with him and consequences are dealt with straight away. the school send a report home everyday and keep logs of all behaviours.

Is this the first time your son has been sent home? does he have a full time statement? what did the HT say he wanted to achieve from sedning your son home? IME all exclusion does is stregthen the childs hatred towards themselves and lowers self esteem and breaks any security he feels at the school.

My lad was trained at 2 when a 4 year old at nursery gave him a black eye to "walk away and tell a grown up" if someone upsets him. Think pavlovian dog training style cos that is how I handled it. At the time I had NO idea he was asd but it's still one of my better parenting moments as this is what he does to this day in ALL settings.

Bearing in mind that he can be upset by other kids doing what seems to a NT person the most trivial things (to him though RULES are important) & that he's always been mainstream so a bullies ideal target, this one "rule" has helped him SO many times. It essentially gets him away from the offending child BEFORE he lashes out or does anything that could get him into trouble.

Could you work with the school to introduce a similar "blanket rule"? I've found it gives the adult he goes to time to explain social niceties, BEFORE he gets too upset to listen, which means he gradually gets the normal playground/classroom rules as he's taught in real time at a pace that suits him. I've also yet to meet a single adult who disagreed with this blanket rule in principle - it's simple and easy for everyone involved with him to implement. Though obviously the coaching element at the end of the technique varies in quality from person to person, depending on the skill of the adult the child turns to, I can live with that.

Thanks - it's helpful to have some encouragement and tips. To be fair, I haven't heard the full story because DS was picked up by DH, and it was all so hectic, DH couldn't have a proper conversation about what happened, so I guess we'll hear tomorrow. I know the HT is against exclusion - she has said that to me - so I think today must have been quite extreme, and was probably, as Zzz suggested, them laying down the line that violence is not acceptable. My worry is that DS reacts before he has time to think, and that the school environment (even a unit, with class of 6) is so stressful that he's already primed to react aggressively. Bochead, your school sounds great. HT at unit is trained in ASD. Until recently, they worked v hard to get DS settled, but at our last meeting they told me they wanted to push him to achieve more socially, and there could be some fallout from that. I always find the more rules, the worse things go with DS. Even though I know hitting is not acceptable.

Zzz, like the idea of part schooling. I have a feeling the unit wouldn't entertain this, but I might suggest it.

I feel sorry for DS that he doesn't seem to have a clue what happened today - apart from that he's upset. however, he said he needs time to understand it, so maybe I'll get more out of him tomorrow. DH is going to keep him at home to chill for the day.

Actually my lad is 6 and on school no 3 already. The last one treated him appallingly (To the point where he was left bruised by staff!). However even they couldn't disagree with my "walk away rule".

Afraid I haven't really got any advice, but completely agree that the HT reaciton was completely stupid. How on earth is he/she charge of an autistic unit and apparently knows nothing about autism?!

Running a unit and understanding our world are often two different things.

Have they done an autism risk/sensory assessment of the unit itself? Using someone on the autism spectrum with sensory sensitivies? If not, they have NO clue what that environment might be like for your ds. I've been in good schools over the years who have good, well trained staff - but they can't hear, see, smell or otherwise sense what we can, and so they are utterly clueless about the sensory disaster zone we're expected to learn in and play in.

Well worth asking for their report on this, or getting them to set one up. It may help all the pupils.