scared help me please

[cheeryface]

what do you do when a 12 year old is freaking out and getting dangerous ? saying he has the urge to kill you or kill himself. holding his fist uo to you and various heavy objects.
keeps trying to leave the house.
dont know what is wrong with him yet. no diagnosis. waiting for appointment in 2 weeks time.

but what do i do when hes like this. i am scared. dh is here today but he says its all a big act and has just smacked his backside . i didnt want him to do anything like that but hes at the end of his tether too.

what the hell do we do ?

after he calmed down a bit i let him go out on his bike BIG MISTAKE normally rides around the block only but he rode off saying 'ha now ive got my shoes on and a bike so i can get furthur and not come back'

dh has been driving around looking for him for the last 30 minutes and cant find him.

Maybe you need to think about calling the police.

I agree with TheOriginal, phone the police and explain what has happened, chances are he's just hiding somewhere and thinking things over (whilst giving you a scare). Hope he comes home soon.

Have you found him?

thankgod he has come back.
just spent ages with him whilst he cried . he said how he just cannot seem to make the right choices and is always bad. That he doesnt want to be bad but he always is .
he said he wishes he was like his brother.
i know he wants to be like his brother and ive always worked at building on his strengths which are completely different to his brothers .

things is his brother is exceptional in that he is very gifted . both schools he has been to he has ended up being more like a member of staff . They call him boy genius at his current school. The teacher takes him to and from school as its far from home and he has his own personalized timetable. He was even invited to the staff meal !
so, i can understand how ds2 would feel inferior. but, it doesnt matter what i do he always thinks hes rubbish. He is one belt off black at karate but insists hes no longer any good at it.

he says no one likes him at school and sadly i think thats fairly close to the truth.
i love him with all my heart .
i wish i could fix it all.

, its so hard to see them like that isn't it? i offten wish i could fix things for dd1, we are moving her to a new school in september (if only we could leave the Aspergers behind), she often says 'no one likes her' and it hurts me so much to hear her say it.

I hope you get some answers from CAHMS and i hope your ds is ok, keep telling him that you love him and that you are there for him no matter what (however bad he is you will always forgive him).

Fingers crossed tomorrow will be a better day xxx

Hiya cheery. A&E sounds like a good bet. As someone else said, a self-harming child usually gets fast-tracked to camhs by the general paediatrics.

That said, the CAMHS person might not be physically in the hospital till tomorrow morning, so if he's not too bad tonight, perhaps take a trip down to A&E at the crack of dawn so you're all processed and ready for 9am!

Hi Cheery, really really pleased that your son opened up to you. My son had counselling through the school when he was dealing with his feelings towards his own brother (jealousy), they also offered anger management but he never took this up unfortunately. I would arrange a meeting with the school and ask for him to have counselling via the school, its very hard for boys of this age to open to us. My son used to really look forward to off loading to the counsellor. Good Luck. xx

sorry I haven't read all the posts so forget this if I am wrong. However he sounds so much like my dd about y7. A year later she was dx with adhd and odd. It was all attention seeking behaviour, still not nothing though as it could of easy went wrong.
School started off the process by higlighting add and wrote a letter to the docs to get her referred to camhs, along with a supporting letter into her behaviours etc.

he might have asperger's and you didn't realsie ti happened to us and my son is 12, had times like you describe, when we didn't knwo what it was we reacted angrily and ti makes it worse and last longer. It could be verything got too much for him and he could nto control his anger. If Asperger's is a possibilty you shoudl try and get hold of tony attwoods book about asperger's as ti more than just bad behaviour, and when they get anger attacks, or depression attacks it explains that and how to try and understand what is happening. I had an incident with my son a few weeks ago like your and if we had shouted at ihm and got mad it woudl ahve escalated to a horrible degree. I found speaking calmy but firmly and reassuring him that he is okkay and this ia jsut a meltdown and will soon be over and then my dh not going mad and when he started to calm we gave him space untill eh really was calm , we still tell him off about being agressive and kicking stuff and saying he wants to harm himself, but we let him speak. people with apergers can get attaks of anger and depression then be okay again once it ahs passed from being overwhelmed by their senses , being bullied and nto fitting in. I may be way of the mark but that is what I felt reading your post, looking at little summaries online about asperger's is not always helpful to see if you think your son has it, the books, really reading them can totally open a door it was like being given a handbook about our son. also the sactions and explanations you use for a child without the disorder can be ineffective for aspects of their behaviour, we coudl nto understnad why telling him stuff and giving him solutions was not gettign us anywhere, now we know he has a different way of seeign things. we thought he does nto have it, he does nto collect anythign ro do rigid routines, but he goes on and on about things an dhas a rigid way of thinking and tons more once we read up on it.

No idea's sorry as we have yet to reach this stage but wanted to say it must be hard for you and you sound like you are really trying your best and doing a great job.

thankyou all . sacrelao your comment cheered me up , must admit i keep wondering if i have gone wrong with him somehow.
jennylee , what behaviours does your son have that are aspergers ? could you give me any examples of what he does for me to compare ? i know i need a professional to diagnose really but they say its 9-12 months for the asd team !

he has been good as gold today . i still feel really sad that he actually stole our money yesterday. i didnt expect that one !

is he flipping his lid over percieved slights or name calling or mild bullying, does he overreact to jostling and name calling in a disproportiionate manner? is he tired a lot, does he space out, daydream when he is meant to be gettiing on with stuff, is he at all clumsy or have immature or illegible writing , does he write slowly? doe she have troubel organising himslef, can he lie? when he tries to lie is it easy to spot? does he do what peers tells himto do and easlily led, is he sensitive to loud nosies like school bells lawn mowers, does he hate little touches to his arms and back. there is so much and it does not apply to all kids, does he go on and on about any topics and nto stop even when you look bored, show disinterest or ask him to stop, does he collect anything. is his eye contact ever bad int hat he does nto use ti all the time and has little eye contact. there is so much that nto sure how useful ti is it is better to get a book or two on it, they dont always sit on there own lining up toys there is so much more to it and my ds was not delayed as a baby either. my 12 year od is also huge, makes it harder

thanks Jenny . Other kids have always said hes a stress head and thats how he is at home aswell. tbh though it seems like he just wants everything his own way. He lies all the time at the moment. e.g he stole dh £20 and then went to him and said 'guess what ive just found £20 under my bed ' which immediately made dh suspicious .
he is disorganized and forgetful , i keep reminding him all the time.
his eye contact is fine with people hes comfortable with like me , but not with others.
there has been a few incidents where one of us has bumped into him or stood on his foot or something and hes got annoyed insisting we did it on purpose.
not sensitive to noise, he IS noisy, plays the drums and music very loudly.
he is easily led. had completely changed a week after strating high school , wanted to do evrything everyone else did. (thought that was quite common though)
he doesnt go on and on about particular topics but he is too persistent e.g decides he wants to go and buy new trainers and will then pester and pester and pester us to take him until we do. This has been a particular bug bear for a long time as every weekend dh has been hounded to death to go here , go there non stop. not so much when hes with me as he knows id be no good fishing , biking etc
doesnt really entertain himself other than the tv or computer.
has joined facebook behind my back and been given a consrequence and account deleted only to do it twice more.
sent him to another high school where friends from primary had gone after sending him to a different one that he hated and hes not re instated any of the friendships it seems, think hes tagging along with year 10's
nightmare with homework, had no idea how to begin writing an essay last week.
fussy eater
sleeps from 8:30 until 7am every night .

but , he is great at karate and competes in team events and can teach others as hes a high grade.
understands sarcasm and jokes
can drive a forklift truck like a pro !
recognizes facial expressions

all so confusing !

Doesn't sound that confusing. Where in the assessment process are you?

had one initial appointment with camhs. i wish i hadnt mentioned the guy that suggested aspergers as we were then referred to the asd team.

they said 9-12 months wait.

i phoned to say things have worsened and if we wait for the asd team and its nothing to do with asd, we have wasted all that time.
camhs aggreed and have arranged for us to see a social worker for autism next week so that she can see if she thinks we really need the asd team or someone else.
i would rather some general psychologist looked at him and decided what is wrong.

Well, he does need to be assessed for ASD, because he might well have it.

In some borough's CAMHS don't deal with children with ASD........

If he does have ASD counselling normally doesn't help at all.

any suggestions on what i should be saying or asking for when we meet the social worker ?
I know he may well have asprgers but it had never entered my head before until the school teacher said it. he did say it in a nasty meeting we had where he wouldnt accept any bullying had happened. he said ' we think something may be wrong with your son actually , like aspergers or something'
i think he might have based that on the fact that ds2 seemed to be isolating himself but he never isolated himself at primary. he was always playing football with a big group.

my son gets jokes too, and sarcasm, and apssed the facial expressions test on paper, but does perceive malice if we were to step on hsi toe or knock him accidentally, my son is into boxing big time. He amy nto have it obviously I can't say online I'm just naother mum but they often resist homework as the planning invilved is difficult and they are tired form interacting all day at school, also it is hard for them to see the point in homework, when they do work at school, my son has writing issues which means its also painful to write lots. the immature nature of the lie can be a giveaway, they learn to lie late and then the deception si easily spotted, they often get caught out misbehaving when their peers do not. they lack organisational skills because fo problems with planning and motivation, problesm with screening out background noise in a classroom setting to concntrate on the teachers, and verbal instructions will often 'float' away they are more visiual learners, so writing things down to remeber and learn can be better or showing them things , nto jsut giving lost of verbal instructions, this can be due to having nto very good short term memory. their long term memory can be really impressive though. My son can give eeye contact but with strangers or some other friends and fmaily it he jsut won't look at them, he goes on and on about playstation games and boxing and films only action types and war ones, rap. almosst no other topics, oh and waht he will do if people bully him if he is very agitated. nto sure if this helps but it sounds like u need to see an a.s.d team to confirm or rule it out.

my son has also worsened lately as we didnt think he had it either, nwo we see it every day and think how coudl we not see it, it can worsen in teneage years then improve, tis all in tony attwoods books or his website, he si positive & energised about asperger's he does a web chat thing too. in cotland I ahve go an appointment in just 4 months west lothian, in england it seems to take longer from what I see on forums. hope of some help, is awful not knowing but now we understnad our son it is awful, and ti si good too as now we realsie why he si the way he is

thankyou jennylee