need quick advice........TIA

[devientenigma]

all you's who have kiddos who don't deal with change/transition well, and are very controlling with high demands and extremely aggressive, what do you do with the child to make things easier to cope with for them and how do you cope??
I am sick of this.....major meltdown yet again, can't cope with the head banging, screaming, noise etc

Oh, dev

My DS doesn't do transitions very well but he just tantrums, he isn't aggressive. I find it's better with lots of notice, maybe visual aids, timetable of how the change is going to work. Go over it quite a few times before the event, have it with us during the event and talk through it. It doesn't stop him being upset if the transition is something he doesn't like, but he gets out of the mood much more quickly. It's like lots of small upsets rather than one big one.

That may be completely impractical for your DS, so, sorry if it's useless.

thanks, he's calming down now, thanks to eastenders, don't think he will get to bed though, just wish I could get him to bed before midnight for a change.
The Easter hols has knocked him for six and times that by 100. His rituals and obsessions are increasing as his violence, refusal etc.
Suppose it's just cos I'm a bit sick of it.
Thanks again.

mine has to have the "now" and "next" thing over and over and over....
how old is he?
my ds1 has had an awful day today, totally doesn't get this bank holiday / long weekend stuff.

DS2 has had tons of meltdowns over the last couple weeks, simply due to schedule changes and such. He absolutely needs the now/next stuff, and we've just gotten a visual card key ring so we can bring it with us and hopefully that will help as well. His shrieking and shouting has increased quite a bit over that time. I'm hoping with school back in now, that it will decrease again (probably just in time to wig him out again during the next long weekend).

I find myself a bit baffled sometimes as well, just trying to figure out something to help him. While the meltdowns are frustrating for me, I find myself feeling badly for him as well, as it's obviously due to frustration and upset. God knows when I reach meltdown point (as we all do at some point), I know it means I am incredibly stressed. I wonder sometimes if he feels that upset on a daily basis? It must be horribly difficult for them as well. I keep catching myself looking for that magic trick or cure that will allow him to bypass all that. I know there isn't one, but somewhere in my mind I still look. Perhaps occasionally I am in denial, but I wonder what is going on inside his head. sigh...

know what you mean about always looking, Triggles. And yes, afaik life is that stressful for them, all the time.

if transitions for specific events bother him (say like switching telly over or going up to his room), sometimes it can help to have loads of 5 minute/ten minute warnings, maybe even use a visual like an eggtimer as well.

thanks everyone, think it's just having the school hols and it shocked me how much the change in routine etc would bother him with him not being in school anyway
He hasn't been able to handle his dad off work, siblings off school, changes in Tv schedules, dinners etc His whole routine was disturbed and bedtime was looking at 2ish, and the head banging!!! I think I just got sick.

Yep. Schedule changes seem to set off a slow ticking time bomb with DS2. Often he goes off immediately when he notices a change, but sometimes he will seem to go along for a bit and then it suddenly just all becomes TOO MUCH and he loses it.

Today we literally had to carry him to school (thank god he's 4yo and very slim, so not horribly heavy!!) as our car wouldn't start. It was scheduled for some repair work at the garage today, but we were going to drive it there after the school run. DS2 had a massive meltdown as he was all strapped in his seat, ready to go to school, and everything fell apart when the car wouldn't start, we had to call for a tow, and walk to school. Again, it was just TOO MUCH. And a short trip off school grounds this afternoon (which I'm going along with to assist) ought to be the icing on the cake. We have a bottle of wine in the fridge in case I need it tonight.