Meetings - why do they all want meetings?

[cornwallia]

Pk, I'm involved in a SENDIST appeal and have made a complaint about the failure to implement DS's statement and the appalling behaviour of the completely partial S&LT service, and I've been asked to no less than three separate meetings.

I've been to one which took two and half hours for the LA to justify their utter crapness.

Why would I want to go to another so that S&LT can do the same?

I keep on getting the same old crap -

They say - let's do mediation.

I say - Fine but the only real issue is S&LT provision and your S&LT team keep telling me they won't budge on what they are offering and in fact has just filed another self-serving report confirming this, so what's the point?

They say - things can change in mediation, it's very fluid

I say- if you think he needs more provision, offer more and I'll consider it, if you don't, I don't need to spend another 2 and half hours of my life being 'persuaded' that you are right.

Meetings, bloody meetings, they can only benefit the system surely?

Now, it's well if you don't want a meeting, we can have a telephone hearing instead with SENDIST. What about just having a proper hearing and letting the Tribunal decide.

Thanks Justa - you are right!

Which S&LT then? Or both?

we just stopped having meetings.

have disengaged with (most of) the system.

the majority of the so-called professionals in our area have nothing to offer us. they are not worth their (sorry about this) salt!

we are much less stressed!

That's what I'm aiming for!

LOL, I can't get rid of mine because they are all written into DS statement despite me asking for something entirely different.

I know you do get to the point where you think - why did I get this blardy statement which compel all these half-wits to be involved!

I think that it the bitter pill that has to be swallowed.
You fight and fight for provision and then often (not always) find it isn't worthn much anyway.

A double whammy.

Nice eh?

You see, rather than telling parents 'you'll never get a SA or a statement', they should say 'you'll get a statement but we don't have a clue what we're doing and may possibly mess your child up....it's up to you'

A bit like this....

corn You're right but you're also wrong.

If I had been told that I might not have bothered with going through what has been 2 years of hell. But that journey has changed me beyond all recognition. I read something I had written myself in front of 150 people in church at my Dad's funeral last Friday ffs.

I don't know for sure that my ds will be okay, but I am more optimistic than ever before. Not because of THEM, but because I know enough, have learnt enough, have learnt how to be flexible and how to talk to people and how to not argue simply on principle but look at the benefit or not to my ds (peer muscling in on OT provision I had won for DS, for example, well out of order of the school, but good for his 1:1 peer social skills). And because I know how to monitor and measure my ds' progress and his happiness and because I know how to teach him. It's still going to be hard and rubbish and frustrating but I'm not afraid of THEM or tribunals for that matter.

I have been treated unbelievably badly and have at times been in the pits of despair, but as a good friend always says to me 'When you're feeling shit, put gloves on and carry on!'

Star, that really sounds amazing that you were able to do that at your dad's funeral and I agree that the process does change you but, for me, it is not a positive change. I hate that I get dragged into micromanaging every little issue at school, it makes me feel like I'm wasting my life engaging in crappy, petty, pointless battles about really obvious issues with people who don't actually give a shit about my son.

I pick my battles but the level of cluelessness is so profound that it is not that their interventions are not the best available, but that they are positively detrimental to DS.

It's not personal, I know, it is the system, but, it is devouring my life and undermining my family in a way I find unacceptable. So I need to reassert control.

First step, move house to an area with cheaper houses so we can get nice big garden and both DS can have play outdoors more.

Second, move schools to a school which has good pastoral care and some element of honesty in the delivery of their services. I'm just sick to death of being lied to at every level. Incompetence is one thing, but incompetence and dishonesty

In the meantime, I am disengaging from the whole LA mindfuck as much as I can. Get them to put it in writing, so I don't have to be lied to face to face.

Then, I may be better placed to work with those working with my children even if I feel I know more.

It's just a plan.......

'it is not a positive change'

No, not in all ways for me either. I have a level of agression I didn't have before that isn't good for me or my family. My heart has turned to stone about many things. I'm bitter and cross, but I'm unafraid and confident. I've turned simply, into the most useful and effective parent for my ds, but I am not the best me.

'it is not that their interventions are not the best available, but that they are positively detrimental to DS.'

Yes.

FWIW I think your plan is a good one. The two years of hell I have had has given me the skills and foundations to be more efficient and less worried about the micro-details. I've also had to let go of my dreams and plans and devise new one and that has been horrible but also freeing.

Thanks Star!

"It's not a positive change"

My bestie who has known me the other day asked me the other day "when the Fook did you get so hard? It's not good boc!"

She's right - Under her fierce instructions I have now painted my toenails and hidden my cargo trousers at the back of the wardrobe. She laughingly pointed out to me even my wardrobe had beome like Sarah Parker's in the terminator films, ( now that's a kick ass Mum!). We had a giggle but really it isn't who I am or want to be.

It's why I'm on a 2 week camping holiday with my ds that is going to go into the first week back of term, and as we only decided to do it last Friday we have not been able to ask permission of the school.

But, we need to all focus on us, our family and I need to try and get some of the better me back and pay attention to my children without distraction.

Have a lovely time Star and get back to burning those beans!

Thanks electra, that's the view I was forming too. They know constant meetings are exhausting and stressful and I think they really have to justify more than one when they have indicated no intention to move position!

Of course, it is part of their job to attend such meetings but it is not part of mine and I have such little time available for work as it is that I am only going to bother with these things if there is a genuine chance to resolve matters.

I should have taken this position much earlier but they know you will want to try and do 'the right thing' and parent partnership spin that line to you as well so it is easy to get caught in the trap of jumping to their tune.

I agree too that it is just a chance for them to rehearse your arguments. I've cancelled a meeting with the S&LT head for the same reason. They're not wanting to talk about my son's care but to try and intimidate me in to conceding ground.

Bastardos!

Thanks electra. It's quite liberating not to be dragged to the two pointless meetings scheduled for the next week!