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SN children

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Original poster

How on earth do I stay calm, esp in public?

27 replies

used2bthin · 19/04/2011 22:21

DD four and a hlf has severe SLI and other medical issues. I worry myself sick over her health and wellbeing but yet I lose my temper with her all the time.

Today for the second time she totally ignored me after her swim lesson and went off by herself in the pool, I was fully dressed as were the instructors so had to get a man to lift her to me in the end. I was torn between finding it hilarious (she actually joined four men in the hot tub bit at one point, mimicing the way they were leaned back, arms resting on the sides), think I was a bit hysterical but also wanting to scream at her. Her understanding of language is around the level of a two year old but she knew full well I couldn't get at her today. She is doing her own thing more and more and we are suddenly having the sort of crazy battles you usually have with a two year old only she is much bigger so hard to jujst pick her up.

If I could not lose my temper so much I would do better at using the strategies the ed psych gave me. I am very experienced in child care just seem to be rubbish at managing my own child's behaviour I just lose it, get angry with her then feel dreadful, she is so disdavantaged in so many ways and I am not really meeting her needs, or thats how it feels in these situations.

OP posts:

EllenJane1 · 19/04/2011 23:48

Sounds really tough at the moment. It does sound like she's reached that stage of testing the boundaries. Can you think of it positively as a milestone reached, put a positive spin on it? Just treat her as you would a terrible two?

It must be very frustrating for you her not to be able to communicate her desires, so she just goes ahead and does it anyway. Are there any communication aids that you can use? Symbols, signs? Sorry if I'm teaching grandmother to suck eggs.

Original poster

used2bthin · 21/04/2011 21:43

thanks yes it is hard right now I am worried about her health and future so am snappy and tired but its so counterproductive as then I don't end up helping her.

Yes we use a bit of makaton and just got started with pictures although am finding it hard to use with friends around so not using it enough. Think I will really start to crack down on it.

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 21/04/2011 21:51

re:staying calm. I coped by 1)developing a brisk joyce grenfell type persona, saying the same words when trying to move a situation along (sounds mad but if it stopped me turning into a screeching harridan) and 2)by conspicuous parenting - i.e. yes I know you are screaming but you really don't need to scream because I stopped you running into the road/wouldn't allow you a second chocolate bar etc (in the hope that bystanders would twig that I wasn't maltreating DS!)

Original poster

used2bthin · 21/04/2011 21:58

Good advice! So repeating come on home now, that sort of thing? Have had a shocker of a time at the chemist today, stuck in a long que, dd knew I couldn't move so just ran riot. Threatened her with not getting the treat she'd been promised, she didnt care. Then she just kept running off, rubbing her face on things, licking things, hitting me, I could go on. I picked her up and she did that slippery thing where she just wouldnt let me hold her.

Also she is getting dangerous running off etc. She senses my exhaustion I am sure of it. I think its about appearing confident to them sometimes isnt it.

OP posts:

Thecarrotcake · 21/04/2011 22:25

Totalchaos :o

my mum always tells me I sound just like Joyce grenfell !

for those who haven't heard of her YouTube is your friend, it won't help with any strategy, but it should bring a smile:)

EllenJane1 · 21/04/2011 22:27

William, don't do that!

Thecarrotcake · 21/04/2011 22:33

< snigger>

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 21/04/2011 22:41

I think it needs to be even shorter so just one or teo words where possible. Dd2 response better if words are sung but it's very hard in public

Maybe try telling her what you want her to do rather than not do. So come stand please rather than stop running about. I know dd2 struggles to understand negative wording if not doing things but can follow instructions if clear.
You could try behavioural mapping. But in mean time find few pec cards to keep on keyring with things like, quiet, sit, walk, home, food or drink. Also if you have an iPhone there's a great app called icomm

Hth

Original poster

used2bthin · 22/04/2011 07:58

Ooh i phone ap now I wonder if DP would see that as a good reason for me to get one!

Thats very true about the negative wording, I will bear that in mind as think my DD is same. She getss so excited sometimes but in an almost angry way and its like she is intennt on doing as much damage as possible. We have a key ring with pictures of holding hands then activities she likes so the idea is I say hold hands then home to do... its sort of working occasionally.

She goes out with DP or her dad no probs though, in fact any man she seems to behave for! Feel bad now she is being angelic (if a little energetic) this morning so far!

OP posts:

EllenJane1 · 22/04/2011 11:04

I was always told to tell them what to do, not what not to do, if that makes any sense. I'm not sure why it works but telling DS to stop running didn't work, but saying 'walk slowly', did. Maybe he didn't understand the 'stop' bit and just acted on the 'running' bit. When he is stressed his understanding goes out of the window, and he processes even more slowly.

I can't see how you could possibly parent your DD without an iPhone! [bugrin]

Thecarrotcake · 22/04/2011 16:32

Ellen I totally agree... I'm going to say one sentance ( well type it) and I want you to tell me the first thing you think of :)

Ready?

DON'T THINK OF A PINK ELEPHANT!

devientenigma · 22/04/2011 17:03

grey horse

EllenJane1 · 22/04/2011 17:06

Devient, you are an enigma! [bugrin]

Thecarrotcake · 22/04/2011 17:13

Dev.... Grrrrr :o

Thecarrotcake · 22/04/2011 17:19

Dh said I should write a book.. Basically because I'd then stop talking strategies to him ( after moose's comment on other thread)..

So I'm going to ...it may be rather small and thin... It may only end up as another leaflet :o

but it's going to be called.. " don't think of a pink elephant" with a picture of a grey horse
on the front, thanks to Dev :o

and my first sentance is going to be " Here's the thing, your not a crap parent"

Thecarrotcake · 22/04/2011 17:20

I have no idea what my second sentance will be however

:o :o

EllenJane1 · 22/04/2011 17:27

"And this is why."

Do I get a share of the royalties?

Thecarrotcake · 22/04/2011 17:34

:) ellen, I'll do a word count and give you your percentage :)

TotalChaos · 22/04/2011 17:34

roflmao at the recent posts ladies!

Thecarrotcake · 22/04/2011 18:38

:) total ( glad it bought a smile)

when I write this book there wil be an opening for a spelling and grammar checker ( palmface @ your rather than you're and general crappy spelling).

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 22/04/2011 21:09

the carrotcake, I say that too!! spooky

Have we been on the same course

devientenigma · 23/04/2011 22:06

do I get royalties for my share [bugrin]

EllenJane1 · 23/04/2011 22:11

You should probably get a bit more than me, TBH!

devientenigma · 23/04/2011 22:34

on a more serious note, I don't cope with my ds on my own when out, so more often than not we are stuck indoors, unless someone brave offers to come along [buhmm]

devientenigma · 23/04/2011 22:35

lol Ellen

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