start of 2 week break and major meltdown already!

[Bonkerz]

what a nightmare!
I have been dreading the easter hols for weeks now mainly because i am 36 weeks pregnant and will be on my own for most of the easter holidays with DSD, DD and DS who is 10 and autistic.

Well it all kicked off today! It was so bad with doors being kicked and threats of all sorts that neighbour came round and couldnt belive a 10 year old was making his house shake! I was terrified as DS threatened to kill me and baby and went to push me down the stairs at one point. He had a leg out of the window so i pulled him in and locked it and ran to get the keys (stored in my room but he had got them) and he didnt like that and came flying up behind me.
I managed to get into the lounge and left him in hallway yelling all sorts of threats of self harm and suicide.
DH was stuck at work so i rang my sister who was here in a flash. After an hour all went quiet but i feel like a total failure.
Luckily DSD (9) and DD(5) are used to this and they went out front to play but im mortified i was so scared of my boy.
He has now gone to my sisters for the day and im constantly going over it all in my head he is 10 years old.....im the adult and yet i was the one running away from him. How is this right?
He is on 25mg of strattera at the minute and we knew the dose was too low, not every day but definately on certain days he cannot cope. I will ring doctor tomorrow and ask for help. BUT how the hell am i going to get through the next 2 weeks. I cant protect my growing baby and i cannot protect my 2 girls. I dont even know if its worth ringing SS or not as they have been useless up till now. They took away our respite for summer hols and we have no respite now till june when he has 4 sessions over 8 weeks in a playscheme specifically for autism so i dont know what they could do to help immediately anyway. OMG im such a failure.

bloody hell, you are so not any sort of failure. but DS needs some help - hope the doc can offer suggestions. or SS - even if it is emergency respite over the next few weeks until babe is born.

or maybe it'll be a beginning of holidays meltdown and he'll be better for the rest of the 2 weeks? DD tends to have a massive strop at the start of any holidays - has a good bit in the middle, before winding up again in the last few days.

He had a flip on friday but DH dealt with it and he had a fab day yesterday so it looks like the pattern may be one day on one day off!
I just feel crap at how scared i was of my 10 year old baby boy.

Hi Bonkerz , i posted on here the other day as i was in that situation with my 12 year old ds2. i was scared aswell , hes same size as me now and he had me gripped tightly by the shoulders. thought he was going to put a hole through the bathroom door at one point aswell. also climbed up and stuck his head out the bathroom window threatening suicide
thing is my ds2 hasnt been diagnosed , still waiting for his appointment.
sorry i have no real advice for you, but i sympathise
have you had any advice before as to how to deal with that behaviour ? if you have please tell me ! x

cheeryface, thanks for the comment.

I dont feel like i handled this morning well at all. normally im fine but having a huge 36 week bump adds a different slant to the whole thing.

Normally i tend to restrain DS, so i would take him to a safe space and sit behind him and literally cross his arms infront of him and hold his wrists behind him and i would be behind him. i find he likes the squeeze and eventally calms down once he has finished thrashing and ranting but obviously i cant do that right now.
DS also normally responds to my tone if i can keep it very strong and steady and non shouty and just tell him to get to his room but it didnt work today as i think he knows im vulnerable and i was scared.
DH normally just removes DS to a safe area and stands and watches him screaming and ranting and lashing out and makes sure he does it in a safe way and cant harm himself. At school he has had up to 4 people restraining him and he uses a calm room where he will literally punch walls and bang his head.
Just rang my sister and he is now calm although she says he hasnt quite got to the point where he understands what has happened and just keeps asking why he is there......seems he cannot remember being driven up there at all he was so far out of it :0(

Hi Bonkerz. I am sorry to hear what happened - however, this is in no way a failure on your part. It is also quite understandable that you were afraid for yourself and for your baby. It must have been a totally scary experience :( Can I ask if your son has had any ABA input? Parents usually report that it has a very positive effect on behaviour. In the meantime could you ask SS for emergency respite?

no ABA. have never actually looked into it. he attends a private priory autistic school paid for by LEA and gets SALT and music therepy from them but because he is in a private school we can access no other help via autism outreach etc. we have tried but get told we cant!!!! he has a full time statement with recommends the above and is in a class of 3 pupils.

Plan to ring SS and pead tomorrow. I think we need a bigger dose of meds, not every day but some days he gets up and just cannot cope and on these days, like today, i think it would be useful to have the option of a 'top up' of strattera.