just lost it with ds1..........I am so crap......

[Becaroooo]

.....am feeling ill, very tired and fed up.

Ds1 (nearly 8) is finally on the list to see the comm paed and is having some private therapy (RRT) The terms being bandied about are "dyspraxia" and "APD".

He needed to get a fleece top to go up into the loft and play on the trains with his dad and dbro (needs a fleece as its cold up there).

The fleece is where it always is...left hand side of his wardrobe, first item of clothing hung up.

Could hear his dad telling him to go and get it;
ds1: "dont know where it is"
dh: its hanging up where it always is
ds1: I cant find it

dh: Come on ds1!
ds1: I cant see it

I intervened. Called ds1 down to me (am doing an online shop atm as well as being on MN!!) Told him - calmly - where it was EXACTLY.

Me: ds1, its hanging up, left side of your wardrobe, first thing you will see
Ds1: OK

He goes up. He says he cant see it.

I go up (thinking "it must be there I always put it there!) and lo and behold
there it bloody is...exactly where I said it was.

I went MAD

I really shouted at him. I am so ashamed of myself.

I hate this. I hate that my nearly 8 year old cant do things that children of 4/5 could do. I hate that he is so dependant on me for everything still. I hate that he is starting year 4 in sept and I am really worried...he wont cope.

Fucking hell.

dont be hard on yourself Becaroo, none of us are wonderwoman (unfortunately) and I certainly have days where I lose it - normally when I am under pressure from 101 other things that need sorted/doing/thinking about and tiredness is a big factor!

Overall, you're worried about next years schooling and how he'll manage and that's a big deal so be kind to yourself. I hope that doesn't sound patronising it's not meant to; I'm sure you can make it up to ds and if poss try and get 5 mins to yourself to unwind x

We all lose it occasionally. Just get past it, once it's all calmed down apologise for shouting at him (important that he understands adults can lose their tempers too) and start tomorrow afresh.

My DS finds 2 or 3 part instructions hard. He'll get the first part, up in the bedroom, but hasn't got the next, in the wardrobe, let alone the third, on the left. Your DS might be able to do 3 or 4 part instructions but that's really quite a lot of info to process and retain.

Have and relax. (Always my solution!) Tomorrow is another day.

...thanks Helen

Am watching masterchef on catch up and crying

So bloody tired. And so fed up of worrying about EVERYTHING...he is at a friends party on saturday afternoon. He has never been there before and that is not good....he gets very very anxious. Dh is suppsed to be taking him and I am supposed to be going to a hen party (an afternoon one!) and I know I will end up not going and I will have to make up an excuse because people just dont understand how a nearly 8 year old needs such attention/help.

Nearly fell out with one of my dhs cousins last xmas...ds2 was ill (bronchiolitis) and therefore too ill to visit. dh suggested he take ds1 - wish he had discussed it with me first! - and of course ds1 got very upset and didnt want to go (he likes us to all be together) and she got very snotty on FB
"such a shame ds1 is so timid and wont go anywhere without you"

Bitch.

You are not crap, you are just having a crap day. It sounds like one of those times when you are feeling ill and something just tips you over the edge? We all do it and all feel rubbish afterwards for losing it.

Hope you get some rest tonight so you can relax a little.

ellen I am teetotal!

Will, of course, apologise when he comes down. Poor thing.

Oh dear, would hot chocolate hit the spot?

Am feeling a bit dodgy so wont chance it!!!

Thanks for your replies.

Its helps.

Aaarggghhh I feel your pain! My dd1 is exactly the same!!! She has ADHD and I understand her organisational skills are a bit rubbish but when she tells me she can't find her toothbrush I really do despair as it never goes further from the toothbrush holder!!! Does she do it to piss me off? Or can she really not see it?? Doc says she either forgets what she's looking for or is thinking of other things so just says she can't see it! Whatever it drives me fucking nuts!!!!! And do you find it's these somewhat little things that tip you over the edge more than the major things?? I can cope with big events but not with minor things they do my nut in

Becarooo, you are human that's all.

I have managed to shout at all three of my dcs at some point today, including really shouting at poor dd (who is only just 2) when all she was doing was being a typical two year old.

Ds1 copped it because I forgot he was on his ds and he didn't own up, so had (a lot of) extra time on it, then came down and asked to go on my laptop to do some Woodlands Junior School times tables games. (We agreed that if he wrote out one of his times tables with me 5 times every day of the holidays he could go on the Woodlands site as a reward.) I am so tired and was so cross with him for deliberately keeping quiet when he knew he'd gone over his ds time (3rd day in a row) that I told him he couldn't go on my laptop - cue huge meltdown - which triggered me finally snapping and shouting at him. I was totally in the wrong - I had promised that if he did his times tables practise he could go on the flipping website and I reneged on the deal - but I saw red and just couldn't bring myself to back down. I am suitably ashamed of myself and have apologised and said he can have half an hour extra tomorrow to make up for it.

Ds2 has tried to keep his head down all day - he's is of course able to read the 'mum's in a bad mood' signs, whereas obviously ds1 can't. However, he still caught it in the neck for getting in the rocking chair with dd at tea-time and rocking it so hard that she fell out and hit her head on her tricycle. (I am over sensitive about this, as ds1 did the same thing in the autumn and she broke her wrist when she fell out.) In my defence, there is a clear, 'one person at a time in the rocking chair rule', which ds2 was fully aware of. Regardless of that, his little face was so crumpled - I felt like a total pig afterwards.

I have ended the day in a foul mood and desperate for large amounts of chocolate, which I will regret tomorrow as I am already really cross with myself for all the weight I've put on this year.

Tell you what - I will chalk it up to experience and start afresh tomorrow if you will.

Cross posted

Don't be hard on yourself, i'm always having a go at dd1 (7) because she cant find things that are rite infront of her eyes (it drives me mad), the amount of times i have had to go upstairs to show her where something is because she can't follow my instructions, must be 100's of times.

School holidays are even worse because we are all stressed out anyway, go easy on yourself xx

moose I will if you will

Thanks for the sympathy and understanding ladies.

Got his appt for the comm paed this morning! May 23rd so not too long to wait...

Becaroooo - i'm really living up to my 'evil' side. i had a right chuckle as it reminded me of me! My DS - also 8, has 'organisational difficulties'. Can't quite bring myself to say 'skills' as he doesn't appear to have any. I always think of myself like basil fawlty - with manuel. You know the bits where basil asks him to do something and he just looks confused and says 'que?' Then basil either says in a huffy tone 'or shall i just do it then' or bangs his head on the wall.
Annoying, endearing, part of DS - all of these really. I am so much better now at giving 1 part of an instruction at a time. It takes loads of practise though, and sometimes i still confuse him with multiple tasks!

auntie thats what I feel so upset about I think...it was my fault...I shouldnt have expected him to rememeber more than 2 instructions at once. Poor kid. I apologised for shouting last night and he said "mummy, you know I get confused with left and right" Feel pretty "evil" myself atm!!!

I like the "Fawlty Towers" anaolgy! Que???

I need to get over the fact that ds1 cant do what other kids can do with ease....no point stressing about it. Just need to re-adjust and accept it.

He is such a great kid. I am very lucky to have him

Becaroooo

sounds typical of things in our house, we all have Some Degree of Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), all three sons me and my partner.
APD is a listening disability, not being able to process what you hear, which includes speech. So following conversations, and verbal instructions can be difficult or impossible.

Being able to do or konw where something is one day does not always mean we can do or find the same thing on another day. It depends on whether our coping strategies for a specific task is in place when we need it.

Dyspraxia can make coping with APD more difficult, our son who has both APD and dyspraxia, is the least affected by APD, but due to his dyspraxia he is the least able to cope with his APD and so appears to be the worst affected by it.

You may find some of the suggestions on the APDUK web site useful, there is a Combined PDF Download and a Parents Guide to APD all of which have been produced by parents and professionals interested in children who have APD. You may also find our downloadable Newsletters a useful course of information.

APD is a genetic disability, although some children can acquire APD as a result of having had Otitis Media with Effusion (Glue Ear). There is an adult APD forum the OldAPDswhich is now 10 years old , where adults who have APD, talk about living with their APD.

Oh that Fawlty Towers analogy has really hit home. DD1 is Manuel! Whenever she gets stressed her language receptors shut down and she flits around panicking trying to do the right thing, inevitably doing the wrong thing and then getting told off for it. The harder she tries the crosser DH gets.

That's quite sad but also quite funny. I'll never be able to watch Fawlty Towers again!

BTW just to be clear - nobody hits her with frying pans or bangs her head on the wall!

OP - at 13 years old she still can't see what's in front of her face or follow more than one simple instruction if she's at all stressed. You're in for the long haul I'm afraid!

Oh Bec I was just about to PM you when I saw this. I totally lost it with ds2 yesterday for non-stop talking which I KNOW he does when he's anxious!

You are not a saint, forgive yourself x

Btw no booze, no chocolate!?

ugh....feeling worse by the hour....I know it wasnt his fault, I am the adult...my behaviour was dreadful

dolfrog Thanks for those links...will check them out

Al I am sort of hoping he get a bit better than he is now! The manuel scenario is making me chuckle too

lamb Have had some chocolate today!!!! (horrid cheap nasty chooclate from aldi, but hey, any port in a storm, right?)

Bec for me the solution has been to break the instructions down even further.

I probably would have asked him which was his left hand when he was standing in front of the wardrobe. Then I would have said put it on the clothes on the left hand side. At that point my girls would probably have managed to find the fleece because their hand was already on it or very close to it.

It's second nature to me now because I'd rather drip feed the instructions than deal with my own frustration (I do get VERY cross) when they can't find things.

Your behaviour wasn't dreadful, it was human. Cut yourself a bit of slack! IMO the children get over us losing it like that far quicker than we do. DD1 always makes me feel appalling when I rant at her because she just says "Yes, Mum. Sorry Mum. I'll try to remember to do that next time. I love you Mum" I walk away feeling like a total cow for getting cross with her but sometimes I lose it when I'm asking her to do something for the 50th time.

Here have a bit of my Aero bar and cheer up.

Thanks Ailson.

I feel slightly better for reading of others experiences.

I just hate it when I get so cross...he really cant help it.

Am hoping for a peaceful easter hols

Ooops Sorry it wasn't mint! Just pure unadulterated chocolate.

Hope things get a bit less fraught for you now!

Oh, I'll still take it!!!

Been a long day but dc's have enjoyed themselves at GPs playing football/golf on the field behind the house....they are now both fed and bathed and are currently bashing hell out the some poor moles.

(Disclaimer: they are paying Wac-a-mole!)

Enjoy the sunshine!
x