Bit of a sensitive one but I need advice please... toilet issue and ASD

[MrsShrekTheThird]

ds1 is 10, has asd (AS, imho) and sprinkles an outstanding distance when he wees - because he refuses to aim. He says that it hurts to aim (?) I have explained that he can touch gently and he is capable of differentiating how 'tight' to hold different things iyswim, although his default programming is pretty much "grip like your life depends on it". I actually am not completely convinced this is the entire reason as he is hypersensitive to touch, heat,cold, etc - and wonder if he means his hands are too warm or too cold or something. Anyway, for the sake of my sanity and our household hygiene, anyone got any words of wisdom?

Tia

does he have to clear it up?

I only have girls (but believe me - the amoutn of times they can miss has me climbing the walls at times!) but I owuld:

suggest to him that he sits (although I know this is not the done thing, so not perhaps a useful thing to rely on, since it will mark him out elsewhere...)

get him involved in clean up - a bit like the young, newly, trained child who is "too busy playing" - non-fussy, matter of fact clean up procedure afterwards may help him get his priorities sorted.

my dsd (now an adult) used to leave all manner of mess in the toilet/bathroom (some of it down to washing hands, etc), until I gently instigated a "if you make the mess you clean it up" rule - including cleaning the toilet if skid marks were left. dsd was 12 ish when I implemented this, and was most indignant she was being made to do "yucky" chores - until we talked it all through re: if she wasn't happy cleaning up her own mess, why did she expect anyone else to do it?

he might be keener to attempt aiming if he is not keen on the clean up job afterwards...

another vote for sitting

and cleaning. ds1 is 9 and wees with his hands behind his back. but if he splashes, he gets summoned from wherever he is hiding and is made to wipe up.

odd really, as he spends the rest of the time playing with it.

DS is 5 and he gets so distracted by other things he sort of swings around while looking for them. Is he too old for these? to keep him on target?

did anyone see them floaty things on dragons den a few years ago? the dc had to aim at them lol.....my ds has asd and we got him to sit down as he had problems with holding his thingy to aim

Put a ping pong ball in the loo for him to aim at?

I was going to say let him sit but maybe not the best idea.

I would make him clean it up, maybe then he would realise what a pain it is for you to have to keep cleaning it up. I only have dd's but dd1 went though a stage of not wiping and dribbling on the loo seat, i made her clean it up and check the seet each time she went, she soon stoped doing it .

When he's at school/public places they probably have urinals for the boys so they are a bit more forgiving if he misses a bit; at home I'd advocate the sitting!

Ds is at 12 a bit older but hates holding and aiming.
Trouble is the taller they get the easier it seems to miss the pan.

Turns out he hates the sensory bit of it all. It feels weird and it smells and is noisy.
We now make sure the bathroom window is always open ( it's directly above the toilet ) and it seems to waft the wee smell away from him.
And to stop the sensation of holding a peeing willy, got him to hold it with a bit of tissue at first, until he sort of desensitsed to it.

Keep standing up though as it seems to be quite a social bloke thing to be able to do, and no tissue in public.. Just at home, in private.

And get a perminant marker and put an aiming dot on the back of the pan, it makes it quieter if it doesn't go straight into the water .

Hth

Oh and you wouldn't believe the conversations DH and I had about what holding a peeing willy is like, to try and understand the " I don't like holding it" from ds.

The things I don't want to know! Lol

Another vote for sitting

My boy sits too, I have never tackled the standing up bit, though it has caused problems on holidays etc.

blimey, you lot are absolutely wonderful.

Have gone a bit too confrontational atm and being somewhat over-stressed by the issue had told him to either aim or sit. And he won't sit because that's "not done" unless you're doing number twos. Obviously if you have the inflexibility that he's got then these things have Rules.

Have tried to get him involved in cleaning up - as yet he screams his head off and hits himself (not that it will deter me in the long run, sorry - he's just causing a fuss to avoid doing it imho) so some more desensitisation work to be done there.

I did pmsl wonder where the comment with the permanent marker pen was going when carrot opened that particular sentence ... marker pen arrows on willy sprung to mind
I'm thinking that holding/aiming with toilet paper (err, sausage roll?!!) might work for him, unfortunately the pingpong ball in the loo won't work any more as dd [nt 5yo] just wants to fish it out and bring it to me

Bribery for no splashes on paper also looking good. Will have to ban ds2 from peeing when there's paper down, but hey

Am going to re-read this lot again, am sooooo grateful to you all for posting (thought I was the only one with a hands-free piddler)

Good advice so far. Loos are terrifying places for many of us - smells, echoes, freezing cold seats and seat edges, rough loo paper (feels rough if you have sensory issues), perfumed sprays and blocks and handwash, cold hurty taps to touch, rough towels to wipe hands on...and that's all without considering aiming and actually getting on with it. How NT people cope so easily with loos is a source of wonder to me.

Do all you can to minimise sensory distractions in there. The idea of using something very soft to hold his (personal bit) is a good one. Loo paper may be too scratchy so get him to find a smal bit of cloth he can cope with/sort of tissue he can cope with maybe?

Hi Mrs Shrek - you can get little funnels for boys to use to help direct their wee - they are available on prescription (Beambridge mini funnel code 6-35mm). Also we have had great success with social stories using pictures and getting the child to do 'what the book says'. If you cannot find any suitable pictures then let me know and I can send you them via your private email (I am a specialist children's continence advisor in case people are wondering why I have cartoon pictures of little boys weeing!) :-)

Amber, fantastic explanation. I have just been for a look at your profile :)
It really does help to have the 'inside' story. It's easy for folk like me to forget just how much of the overstimulating stuff there is, when I've got a pee-sprayed bathroom and it looks like there's a relatively simple solution that ds won't take. The brainpower to deal with the environment and remember what I want him to do might need a bit longer! He can do a very good impression of NT some of the time, which doesn't help tbh; because when he's in ASD mode it makes it harder to remember where the goalposts are iyswim.

oooh, potty - x-post. Fantastic. I don't think it's necessarily a "where to aim" issue (though you never can tell...) it's more to do with him refusing to hold it! But anything you've got has to be a help, and thank you! will PM you :)

We have these very long term stickers that go on the back of the bowl just above the waterline. They look black but are heat sensitive and the picture (bullseye, thumbs up etc) appears when peed on. They are by 'happeed days' - need to google it. They have been near miraculous for my 6 y/o ASD son

OK here is the website... www.happeedays.com/

fab! Was just about to ask if it was this