An AIBU - 6-9 month check up?

[1980Sport]

Hi - this is not really SN but would really like your opinions before I decide what to do! I might be being a bit OTT!

I have DS1 (2.3) GDD and DS2 (7 months)

Apt card for DS2's 6-9 month check up from HV arrived with no date/time - simple mistake so I've been phoning to try to find out the actual apt details. Numerous message and calls and still no apt but that's another gripe :) Anyway managed to speak to someone who apologised and said - sorry it's been so hard to organise, it's now done in groups of 8 mums/babies - I asked why. HV said oh it's a great chance to meet other mums, chat about milestones, weaning, sleeping tips etc.

I assume this is a cost cutting measure but it's left me quite annoyed at the thought because my DS1's delays really started to be apparent at this stage and I hate the thought of other mums like me being put in this situation. I was having trouble even voicing my concerns to close friends. If I'd had to take him to a group check up I think I'd have ended up in tears as the HV would've picked up on his delays in front of these strangers!

I asked if I could take DS2 just for a private review and was told no! So really, I'm asking am I being overly sensitive and should I just go (I've no concerns about DS2's development) or force the issue a bit more! Also unless the mistake had been made regarding the apt I wouldn't have known this was a group session!

Hi, it does seem a bit strange to have a "group checkup"! I definately don't think YABU. What if someone had private concerns they wanted to raise with the HV? I personally wouldn't feel happy speaking in front of strangers and I think you're right that it is a cost-cutting exercise. If you want your DS2 to have his check-up, would it be easier just to take him to the local baby clinic? You might get slightly more privacy as at least you can talk to the HV on a one-to-one basis. To be honest, I avoided all the check-ups with my 3 DSs, and just spoke to the HV when I had concerns.
Hope you manage to sort something out

nope, you're not being oversensitive. if resources are forcing them to have this in a group setting, it's still unreasonable not to provide private checks on request, what if someone had some massive concerns or had really private issues re:PND etc they wanted to discuss.

We've a strange set up - my GP is from my home town where I grew up so we go there for immunisations but the baby clinic is at the local community hospital in the town I live now and that's where the reviews are done! So I asked could I just take DS2 to the baby clinic for his review and was told no so I might phone my GP and ask if their HV will do it!

Flaming economy and budget cuts :(

I agree this is a poor solution in order to cut costs. Many who are having difficulties either with a young baby or with (as previous poster mentioned) PND will simply not mention it in front of a group, due to being self-conscious or uncomfortable speaking in front of other mums. And then they and the baby don't get the help they need. Can you make an appointment with the GP for a basic check and just explain to them that the HV refused to give you a private appointment? And I would say this should be brought up to the practice manager as well - I think it's a bad policy and could alienate the very people it's supposed to be helping.

This is outrageous. Totally agree with what everyone said. In addition, even if you are not concerned about DS2's development (yay) the fact that DS1 has some delays will make you extra-vulnerable. I like triggles suggestion. Can you just ask for a longer appointment at his next immunizations. Or don't say anything and just book an appointment and tell the GP. YANBU!!!

YANB in the slightest bit U! The word sensitivity comes to mind, or the lack of it! You need time in private to discuss your DS. Being plonked in a room with other mums and babies will bring back memories of your previous experience, even if DS2 is reaching his milestones. Tell them you won't go and to rearrange a private appt or come to your house!
I would rather pay for someone to assess my child than endure that degree of unnecessary stress.

That's awful, one of the worst moments of my life was when dd was checked at 8 months and we realised there was something badly wrong, were blissfully unaware until then. Cant imagine going through that in a group

I know Fanjo it would be awful wouldn't it! Thanks everyone, I really was wondering if I was just being too sensitive but I think I will voice my concerns a bit louder and push for a 1 to 1 review!

I think I would write to the local PCT and point out how many babies will now have developmental delays missed because their mums won't want to talk about them in group situations. I am quite appalled by the lack of sensitivity they are demonstrating. They should at least offer parents a choice between groups and one to ones.

Hi - thought I'd give you all a quick update...

The HV who schedules the appointments phoned yesterday and during the course of the conversation explained that this was a new review that was now part of the Health Visiting service but it would be impossible to see all babies individually so they are doing it as group sessions. I wasn't sure but I thought my DS had a review at 5 months at home - I later checked and he did - at this point the HV didn't notice any delays but she was retiring a month later and all she ever did was ask me if I'd lost my baby weight yet which is why I then took him to the HV at our GP's surgery.

Anyway - she said what the other girl had said - Weaning advice, developmental milestones, sleeping tips etc. So I then voiced my concerns regarding my own experiences with DS1 and how difficult I thought a group session would be for a first time mum in a similar situation to me. The HV said they'd thought about this and would look out for any mums who seemed distressed or anxious or babies that looked delayed and they would be taken out of the room and spoken to separately - I said I really didn't think this was ideal either. At this point she started to get quite defensive and I couldn't remember what reviews DS had had so I didn't want to argue (and I also know its not her fault!).

I've decided to go to the appointment because I would like to see what the set up is before my next move - our local council elections are taking place soon and our existing Councillors are very available at the moment so I'm going to make an appointment to see him.

Thanks again for your posts - I guess unless we speak out core services will continue to be cut (well they'll probably be cut anyway but we can but try)

Good for you for speaking out and being prepared to follow this through.

I would have been one of the mums who needed the one to one but I would have put on a mask and appeared happy and confident. DD1 was well ahead in her development so would have appeared fine and I would have been packed cheerfully on my way with it all looking rosy.

It would in fact have been far from rosy as I was at that stage severely sleep deprived and well on my way to PND (DD1 was later diagnosed with AS which explains why she was such a hard baby to care for). It would never have been picked up in a group environment and I wouldn't have had the confidence to ask for one to one time myself.

The very least they should do is offer all mums the opportunity to see someone individually before they leave. If they make it at all difficult the ones who need it most will not get it.

As you say these service will be cut if people don't speak out and it will also cost them a huge amount more to undo the damage they have caused. This however will come out of someone else's budget so won't be their problem!

Grrrrrr @ the short-sightedness of it all!

'look out for ones that are delayed' ds has/had significant delays in language/play and attends special school. Our HV kept insisting he was age appropriate and that was after seeing him alone twice aged around two!! ! Is it really so unreasonable to listen to a parent's concerns ? I appreciate the worried well can take up time but that's not a reason to brush aside all concerns - esp as research shows that most mothers are well aware very early on when a baby is not developing in line with peers.

Not only would this setup be disastrous when a child has problems, it would also cause mums of babies who are doing fine to worry excessively!

I can't imagine anything more likely to inflame paranoia than lining up a group of children of exactly the same age and publicly discussing who has achieved which milestone!! Just about every child in the room will be "behind" the others in some respect or other.

The last thing the parents of a healthy, normally-developing child need is to discover that all the other babies in the room can eat solids when theirs refuses food, that every other baby can crawl when theirs can't, that the others are sleeping through when theirs isn't, or that the others have mastered the art of waving bye-bye when theirs hasn't.

Schoolchildren aren't lined up and assessed publicly; parent-teacher conferences are individual and private. Why should it be different with babies?