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SN children

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Original poster

Sister suffering because of her brother

20 replies

rebl · 08/04/2011 22:29

I can't stop crying. My dd has just 2 people coming to her party because of the attitude of the narrow minded parents at the school that we've just moved ds from. They made ds's life hell and now they're putting onto my dd. Her 5th birthday party and just 2 . What am I going to tell her?

And the texts I've received tonight are terrible. I'm keeping them because girls at school have upset dd this week by saying things to her about ds. If that continues I will go to the school and say its bullying and prove its coming direct from the parents.

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bochead · 08/04/2011 23:03

If you've received nasty text from PARENTS drop into your police station tomorrow morning. Big people can deal with big trouble when they cause it. Let the police talk to the school. There's a clear line here that has been crossed.

I am SO sorry you are going through this, is there any chance dd can join ds or is he at specialist provision?

moosemama · 08/04/2011 23:04

Oh rebl, that's awful. Honestly, what is wrong with some people, why do they have to be so bloody awful.

Is there any chance you could move dd as well. The school - or at least its clientelle sound really horrible. I dread to think what the texts must have said.

As for her birthday, I don't know what to suggest. Does she know how many were invited? If not, could you suggest doing something in addition, like a trip out to her favourite place and say that you couldn't afford to do both if more children came to the party? If she does know I guess you'll just have to play up how much more you can do with fewer people to spend the budget on - perhaps get her to help you choose some really great stuff for the party bags etc? You shouldn't have to though.

I wouldn't wait to see if it continues if I were you, I'd nip it in the bud and write a letter to the school detailing exactly what's happened and asking for a written response and plan of action. Also, get hold of a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy and cite it in your letter. I've learned through bitter experience to detail every incidence of bullying in writing to the school - if you don't keep up the paper trail - they definitely won't

EllenJane1 · 08/04/2011 23:04

That horrible woman rebl! I saw your other thread on your DSs party. She's just beyond belief, taking her strange revenge out on your 5 year old DD. She's trying to drive you out of this school. (((hug)))

moosemama · 08/04/2011 23:05

I agree with bochead actually, intimidating or bullying texts should be brought to the attention of the police.

and I forgot to give you a big ((())))

moosemama · 08/04/2011 23:14

Right, have just read the other thread and the other women is so out of order, not to mention inconsistent and erratic.

If there are only five girls in your dd's class, are all of them now being horrible to her, or just the one's associated with A's mum? If its all or most, I would seriously consider moving your dd to another school if at all possible, as it doesn't sound like this woman is ever likely to see sense. If the problem is just with A and her mum, I would definitely put in a formal complaint about bullying to the school and ask for a written response and plan of action, then take it from there.

If the texts are as bad as I think they are, I would also take them to the local police station to ask their advice.

I am so sorry your family is going through this, but you are a strong woman and a proud mum and you aren't going to let one narrow-minded bully of a woman get the better off you.

tabulahrasa · 08/04/2011 23:15

When's her party? Can you change it now to something that the 3 of them can do that's better? I don't know a theme park day out or something? lol

and I agree with going to the police about texts

tabulahrasa · 08/04/2011 23:17

actually bear factor and picnic is nice anyway...

Does the school know about the things that were said to your DD?

Original poster

rebl · 09/04/2011 07:23

There are just 6 girls in her class. 1 is dd, 2 are coming, 1 is on holiday (but has also complained to the school about my ds and asked for him to be kept away from her dd), 2 aren't coming because of my ds.

The 2 that aren't have said horrible things to dd this week about ds. She's come home upset because of what they've said. The mothers of the 2 girls who have been horrible to dd are best of friends so its obviously where its all coming from. DD says she told the teacher and that both girls were dealt with. But with just a total of 6 in the class and 2 vocal about ds and 1 other with a mother who has been vocal to the school at least about ds thats not alot left.

The texts are awful. I did wonder about the police but then thought they'd think I was being silly, this is crazy, I can't begin to understand it. I've had no sleep over night. I will write to the school on Monday. You are all right, we must nip this in the bud. I'm also going to take some advice someone gave someone else on this board this week, I'm going to speak to the vicar and ask for a prayer in the intercessions. We are regular church goers and A's grandmother goes to the same church so it won't go unnoticed. Also the school is a church school with the vicar playing an active role in the school so again he can speak to the school.

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bochead · 09/04/2011 07:50

Twas me who mentioned intercessions - it's a non-confrontational way of asking the community for tolerance. You as a family deserve a bit of gentle support.

I'm deadly serious about the police - you need this nipped in the bud before it escalates and you are driven from your home as well as the school. Getting the police to talk to the school on your behalf means the school cannot sweep it under the carpet and have to tackle it head on.

Re DD's birthday - crafts etc mean it doesn't have to be a "big" event. If it's at your home, home made pizzas where the kids choose their own toppings is always really popular to follow the bear activity.

Original poster

rebl · 09/04/2011 18:39

bochead thank you. I love the pizza's and crafts idea. That would work well. I just wish we weren't facing all this. I've spoken with MIL today (she's really nice and supportive) and she thinks that given everything (and I'm sure some of you remember WHY we moved DS from the school, well somethings are still continueing) we should seriously consider moving dd. Its not like we can possibly think that her friendship group is worth keeping her there for now is it? . Everything we've been through over the years you would have thought I had grown my rhino skin by now but clearly there was a chink in the armour and its really really hurting .

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Ineedalife · 09/04/2011 18:48

I would seriously consider a move rebl, your Dd is little enough to not be too upset by it,

We have told Dd3 this week that she is moving to a new school, I said to her that we are unhappy with the school but we have found a lovely new school for her where everyone works hard to make sure all the children are happy.

She took it really well and actually seemed relieved, your Dd will sense the bad vibes in that school and might be glad of a fresh start.

Good luck whatever you decide.

EllenJane1 · 09/04/2011 18:50

rebl, if you can move her, I'd say move her. It's not worth the pain. You only kept her there because of her good friends and that's no longer the case. Keep those texts as evidence and get on to the LA. It will actually be easier in the long run to have your twins in the same school, and you can keep in touch with the 2 nice friends.

Original poster

rebl · 09/04/2011 19:37

I don't think moving her to the same school as ds is the answer. I think we will transfer issues. They're not great twins together. They display a lot of twin issues and require a lot of classroom management to ensure both thrive in the same classroom. They've never been great together. At preschool we had to seperate them, at nursery we had to seperate them, so we weren't totally surprised we had to seperate them at school although it makes like difficult. There is another school in the same village that my ds goes to so that might be feasable with pick up and drop offs? At the moment I relie on a bus. Maybe I could find out about school transport? How does that work? I don't mind paying (within reason).

We're trying to connect my phone to the computer to get the texts off but we're not able to get them to talk at the moment. DH is wondering if I need to take the phone into a shop to get them off.

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EllenJane1 · 09/04/2011 20:04

That's a shame, rebl. A 2 form entry school would have been ideal, but you don't tend to get them in villages. Good luck with it all. If you can't extract the texts could you take the phone to show the police or LA or school?

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission · 09/04/2011 21:08

bloody hell rebl, just read your other thread! I think it's safe to assume that dds school is shite to put it mildly, not just because of the bullying but the lack of care they have for the children. Seriously consider reporting them to OFSTED, they take it very seriously when a school cannot keep the children safe, it's the most basic of things. They've had notice to pull their socks up on the safety front and have failed.

has ds got his statment? If you want to find out about transport for him, get onto your sen case worker at the LEA, they should be able to give you some info, I know here that whilst there is a generally policy on not providing transport if you live under 2 miles from the school, there is flexibility, especially when you have to collect from another school.

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission · 09/04/2011 21:09

happy birthday to your dd and ds, hope they both enjoy their parties

Original poster

rebl · 10/04/2011 09:43

I'm seeing the sw this week I'll ask about transport. If nothing else I would hope he'd know who to talk to. We live just more than 2 miles from the school he goes to now.

Thanks for the happy birthday. It feels like thats all got lost in this big mess caused by this woman.

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mariamagdalena · 10/04/2011 21:06

rebl, this may be nonsense but I wonder if would it be worth formally asking for your dd to be put on the sen register for 'social & emotional aspects of learning' for distress due to due to sibling issues and bullying.

Or getting a camhs referral for the same? Might it help your case for admission to the new school and /or for transport?

Original poster

rebl · 10/04/2011 21:09

We're seeing ds's sw on Thursday. I'm going to ask him about what he suggests we do about dd. I'm also going to speak to the family support worker about what we should do but we're not seeing her for near a month.

I really hope I can speak to the ht tomorrow. She might not be there though, she's part-time.

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Original poster

rebl · 11/04/2011 11:31

I spoke with the class teacher this morning. She was very nice about things. I made it clear I was telling the school because I was worried what would be said to dd by the other girl. She told me had already logged the nasty comments earlier in the week. She is shocked that parents would behave in such a fashion and the head will be informed. She assured me that they will keep a log of anything happening in school and will be aware of potential bullying. I feel for now thats the best I can do to protect dd. We will be keeping a very close eye on things though and any signs from dd that she's unhappy we'll be straight into school. Thankfully they break up for 2 weeks at the end of this week so hopefully having a break will help.

I've also spoken with a mother from ds's school who has a severely autistic boy and she said she's come across this sort of behaviour before and some people just haven't got a clue and aren't worth it. She was saying that she had tried to find a siblings group for her younger ds(5) but couldn't because they have to be 8 in our area to attend the siblings groups. She said we're now the 5th family she's aware of where young siblings are struggling because of their SN sibling.

Its so sad that we live in a society where SN even in children still isn't accepted and that families like ours are almost persecuted for having an SN child. I know that these people aren't worth knowing but you can't always avoid them and quite frankly they shouldn't be voicing their poisonous thoughts.

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