Telling your child

[WillowFae]

Hi. I've not posted on this board before but DS (7) was diagnosed with Aspergers a couple of weeks ago.

We have spoken to school about it, but have not yet said anything to DS. Obviously he has been going to the hospital for appointments with the psychologist and SALT which we just told him were to try and help us find out why he gets so angry and upset over somethings and to try and help make things better. It has taken just under a year from referral to diagnosis.

So, for those of you with children with AS, when did you tell them and how much did you tell them?

Our DS is 6.9 - He knows he's different, we haven't gone into any detail, but I just told him his brain works differently to others. When he gets a bit older and maybe starts to make an impact, we'll discuss it in more detail :)

my DS was older, I was waiting till I had a definite diagnosis, which took years and ended up having to tell him we thought he had it rather than had it, the uncertainty of that didn't go down well, lol, but he'd got to the point that he was very aware of his differences and it was affecting his self esteem

my friend told her DD at 6 when she was diagnosed, just gave the All Cats have Asperger's book told her pretty much what CinnamonPretzel said and not much else at that point, she told her more detail when she asked (she's now 9) so she doesn't really remember not having it, it is very matter of fact about and sees it very much as just how she is - which is nice

We were the same, ds2 is now 10 and we told him when he was about 7 - in fact we told him and the other dc's all around the same time, so they are all growing up knowing about it, ask questions and are also very matter of fact. It's part and parcel of our family package!

We didn't not tell DS2 (11) but it mostly goes over his head. DS1 can remember DS2 going to a special preschool with children with all sorts of DXs including Downs and CP, so he's always known. We haven't kept it a secret but we only actually sat down and discussed it with him a few months ago. I wanted him to have heard the word 'autistic' from us with positive connotations before he goes to secondary school this Sept. We talked about his brain being wired differently, etc; he just said "Oh, OK." He's not really interested.

ds is nearly 11 we told him and ive tried more than once so has the SS but seems to go over his head and even if somes getting through as soon as i try to talk about it he says he doesnt want to talk about it so im getting the all cats have aspergers book see if that helps him as he might relate to it being about cats as we have 5 and he loves animals

Thanks everyone. We've got hold of the Cats have Aspergers book and it looks really good. DH is reluctant to tell DS at the moment but it is good to know that we have the book for when we do tell him.

You've also got the halfway option willow - you can read it with him and discuss it without telling him he has it, plant the seeds so to speak, so you can do it gradually

and it is a nice wee book anyway, kids seem to like it

Hi, our DS is 9 and we got his diagnosis in February. He had already worked it out for himself after watching the Arthur episode George and the Missing Jigsaw Piece - you can still find it on YouTube.
It is about George meeting a boy called Carl who has Aspergers and explains it really nicely. DS had found it on the computer and called me up to see it - he looked at my face so carefully while I watched it and then just said 'you see?'
We did not have the DX at the time, but when we got it shortly after were able to tell him that he had been really clever and worked it out for himself. He will now sometimes tell people - he did the other day with a small group of boys he was playing football with (something he so rarely manages) - they were too noisy and apparently he just explained that he did not like it because he has Aspergers. They all seemed to be cool with that. Part of me wanted to cry but most of me was just so proud of him!
I think the important thing is DS had been asking what was 'wrong' with him (his words) so was ready to know and understand, he had been out of school for most of a year and was very worried and confused - we would not have broached the subject otherwise. We also brought into conversation from time to time other children we knew on the autistic spectrum, and I think as Tabula says the seeds can be sown slowly and naturally.

Luke Jackson, in the book 'Freaks, Geeks and Asperger's Syndrome', writes a very convincing argument for telling the child. He is 13 - can't remember what age he was when he was told, but talks of the sense of relief it brought him.

We've been giving consideration to telling the brother of a dx 3 year old. You can read about it here:

www.autisticson.wordpress.com/

Sorry, another plug! I think it's quite relevant to what's being said here, though.