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Original poster

I HATE '...chooses not to...' on IEP

16 replies

CinnamonPretzel · 08/04/2011 17:25

In fact, I hate it when they say it in any conversation Angry

School see it, that as DS is able to do certain things, but then sometimes can't, he's choosing not to.
For example. when doing literacy, he has to write 5 things but he sits there and be everywhere but on task. He needs someone to make it constantly exciting and fun, or a competition when he's like that - then he does it, but even then thats a struggle. Other times, he might be told 'you can stay in then at break' and then he will quickly rush and do it.

I'm getting really frustrated, because I can see what they are saying, but at the same time, in my head - he ISN'T able to because of his ASD?

Am I being unreasonable in my thinking?

OP posts:
Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 08/04/2011 19:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable. DS's teacher has been telling me that "he chooses not to" for months Angry. Your description of the way your son works at school is identical to mine.

sneezecakesmum · 08/04/2011 19:26

It sounds encouraging that he can do the task if he is motivated. I would think the school have different angles when it comes to your DS and if it works then why not use it?
I find if very disconcerting that you write ' he ISN'T able to because of his ASD? '
Surely we should aim for the very highest for our children, not assume that AS stops him achieving anything?
I apologise if I'm not understanding the meaning of your post, do you mean it upsets you that the school are using methods you don't approve of?

EllenJane1 · 08/04/2011 19:33

Sneezecakesmum, what the OP is saying is that if you have ASD, you need to have the correct motivation to complete a task. Social praise won't work. Saying 'he chooses not to...' is not correct. Other DC work to please the teacher, ASD DC don't.

Do you have experience of ASD, sneezecakesmum?

cornsilkily · 08/04/2011 19:42

'Finds it difficult to..' would be more accurate.

Original poster
CinnamonPretzel · 08/04/2011 19:48

Blush WOW Sneeze, wasn't expecting that slap on the chops :)

Thanks EllenJane, you understand what I mean. :o

The school and teachers are extremely supportive of both DS and ME and are helping in every way possible. My DS I push in all ways possible and don't expect anything less from him that I would from a NT DC.
When I say that he 'isn't able to' I mean, as EJ explained nicely for me, that if he didn't have SEN he wouldn't be limited and need so much personal interaction from staff. To me, that means he isn't able to choosing not to. T me, saying 'choosing not to' is like branding him as a naughty child.

I know that isn't what it mean, nor how the school see him and they have worked very closely with him and tried their best to learn how he works, emotionally, mentally, physically... - he is a very imaginative complex little character.

I just feel, that saying he chooses, doesn't do well on an IEP that is also reviewed by the board for statementing purposes? or do I have that completely wrong. I don't know? I'm worried that is will go against him for support purposes further along the line. Confused

OP posts:
sneezecakesmum · 08/04/2011 19:58

my son has AS/adhd but is an adult now. there was very little help back then. I dont think I am really getting the point of what cinnamon is upset about if her DS is getting the correct form of motivation. It was not a slap anywhere. Dont mean to upset anyone, I know all about obssesive behaviour, perhaps I was lucky that school were able to motivate my DS with praise. Just a bit upset myself that OP appeared to be aiming so low, but I have obviously not understood, and a more complex situation than I have grasped. Apologies

sneezecakesmum · 08/04/2011 20:00

Do you mean the school staff are saying he's 'choosing not to'? that is not fair if that is the case - completely overlooked your title!

Original poster
CinnamonPretzel · 08/04/2011 20:06

Sneeze, No offence taken, was just a little surprised :) at the reply.
Yes, with discussions and on his IEP its noted as 'chooses not to' or 'when he wants to'.

Cornsilkily, yes 'finds it difficult' is more apt term - my brains in overload, so could only think of 'isn't'.

I suppose it wouldn't bother me so much, if we didn't have to fight so hard to get that 1 to 1 support through a statement etc. Hmm

OP posts:
sneezecakesmum · 08/04/2011 20:24

Sorry dear, understand now what you were upset about - children with ADHD and ASD certainly don't make choices as such. I had so many child psychologists, ed psychologists etc telling me DS needed 'firm parenting'! DS tried to climb the rails into galloping horses at the race track! What had firm parenting to do with that, needed reins more like.

Sorry its all so difficult for you, and also sorry to say it doesnt get much easier, just different!!
Note to self ; Read more carefully, all the dissaproving frowns in supermarkets, playgrounds,school coming back to me now!

cory · 08/04/2011 20:27

Well, dd's school told us that the reason dd had missed out on a term's maths lessons was because she "chose not to make her way up the stairs". Dd was in a wheelchair at the time. Hmm

Original poster
CinnamonPretzel · 08/04/2011 20:34

:o It's okay - DS also has ASD, ADD (not so much on the hyperactive) and Sensory issues.

I must add - I love his school and current teacher and will miss them all in the summer when we have to move up to Jnrs :(

I can see it all going downhill and us fighting with gritted teeth - not that I have no confidence in the teachers but there aren't many like his current one. Have you seen Patch Adams, with Robin Williams? DSs teacher is a female teaching version :o haha

Shock cory, thats horrendous

OP posts:
sneezecakesmum · 08/04/2011 20:43

Patch Adams was great, wish all teachers, and kiddy docs were like that! Do hope everything goes ok with the move up. I found each change in environment upset DS and big kerfuffle to settle again, worse was seniors. DS just didn't get other kids properly, constantly confused! But think now he can interact on a one to one level. Bless him. Hope your DS gets the support he needs. and cory omg Shock

IndigoBell · 08/04/2011 22:05

I think - as always - pick your battles. Don't get wound up about the wording (which I don't agree with) - but as always turn it back on them.

What strategies are they going to use to help DS 'to choose to do X'. This should be in the IEP.

Now, fight over what strategies they should use.

This is the bit that is far more important to get right....

Original poster
CinnamonPretzel · 08/04/2011 22:13

We have two items on the IEP
To get dressed without help quickly and to complete a piece of work on my own.
Review detail says DS is able, chooses to complete in own time and likes attention. On second - he's capable, but along with other motivations, its if he wants to co-operate.

Nothing on it has changed from last time, and nothing has changed on the summer one that I've been given (apart from it having DSs OLD teachers on it!)

BTW love your evil grin emoticon :o

OP posts:
Original poster
CinnamonPretzel · 08/04/2011 22:15

Do you know if the wording will affect the application for a statement? Thats my biggest concern - as far as I'm concerned they are doing everything with him, its just the IEP and wording thats worrying me more.

OP posts:
cornsilkily · 12/04/2011 20:43

I wouldn't have thought so OP.

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