What do I do re incidents at school?

[hanaka88]

My DS (4 ASD) school has just sent a note home in his book saying he ran off, grabbed a pair of scissors and cut a little girl.
These types of serious incidents happen regularly at school but I don't know what I can do.

Convo at home:
me:DS did you hurt someone with scissors today
DS: DS doesn't hurt anyone
me: that's telling a lie DS who did you hurt with scissors
DS:sophie (there is no sophie in his class)
me: is it kind to hurt?
DS: yes
me: DS it's not kind to hurt is it?
DS: no DS that's telling a lie.

He doesn't understand what I'm saying at all :,(

What do I do???

ive discussed this at great length with the school too and there ethos is what happens in school stays in school they deal with it and its not to be mentioned and dragged up again so they write smaller incidents in his book and come out and see me while dad or friend take him away so not to hear what shes telling me so im kept in the picture but they deal with it as a lot of our dcs dont understand quite what theyve done hours later or as in ms possibley the punishments run on dfor days so they do an instant punishment short sharp but explain once over its over and not keep being re hashed as this is too negative and they have a positive chart and positive behaviour and language used is rewarded at the end of each day rather than fridays only as friday to my ds seems like a lifetime away and often had great days but was not rewarded by friday as there was bound to be a bad day somewhere during the week he hastried pecs but now has a 1-10 chart on his desk 1'5 means im not happy and to what degree 10 means watchout world here i come lol but hopefully the teacher notices before a 10

Good idea about asking the teacher that, however I already tried it... She says he is just impulsive.

He has a full time 1:1 and she has another TA and only 18 kids so she's quite lucky with ratios but has never had an ASD child before.

I wasn't cross when talking to DS it's better not to give him a reaction (plus teaching reception myself I have developed a thick skin) I think he really doesn't understand things

I love the idea of the red cards and the numbers, DS is curretly at a mental age of about 2 but I'm going to note those strategies
for the future!

Thank you zzz I have said this to school before but there where more serious issues to sort out with them first e.g. Actually changing my son when he had wet and soiled himself in the day. These issues are all sorted now...

I know this is a high ratio of adults to children, I'm not sure what to say really especially to the parents of that poor little girl who are obviously going to be upset!

Tbh sometimes I think they always put 'it happened so fast we couldn't stop it' so I don't say 'well where were you?'

I was just thinking that too. If he has full time 1-1 what is she/he doing whilst your son is hurting another child with scissors? Or any other incident.

My DS also has fulltime 1-1 and we had issues with another little boy ( with sensoryt issues, and not supported) hitting my DS. This happened 4 times in the space of 2 weeks. When I started querying exactly where was the adult responsible for my DS when these incidents happened, th eother little boy then got 1-1 support.

Now obviously situation is completely different, but I would definitely be asking the question, raise the issue of their responsibility under section 19 of the UNCRC to keep all of the children in their care safe from any form of violence, sit back and watch what happens. I'm sure people will be far morew attentive.

Good Luck and sorry you're having to go through this. TBH sounds like the 1-1 doesn't understand your son and maybe that's something which needs to be worked on. xxx

They need to try to work out how he is thinking - see situations from his point of view and be proactive. At the moment it sounds like the TA is just reacting when he kicks off, rather than anticipating what could happen.

Does he have a safe place / work-station with visual timetables and other visual prompts, etc.

I cannot understand how your DS can have fulltime 1:1, and these types of incidents still occur. The TA should be (if they've been with him for any length of time over a week or so) aware of warning signs of aggitation or frustration and be defusing it and teaching him coping skills to learn how to work through the frustration or anger, not just reacting after he's done something. At the very least, they should be able to tell you exactly what happened prior to the incident, as they should have been present and observing. They're supposed to be alert for things like that - to see what things cause problems and either teach him to avoid them (if possible) or offer strategies to help him cope with the situation in a more productive way. I think perhaps it might be worth a look into exactly what the TA is doing and how they are working with your DS. Are they being more proactive or reactive? Are they attempting to teach him skills to help alleviate these types of incidents - or just telling him off afterwards without making an effort to teach him the social skills required.

That being said, if DS2 has a meltdown in school over something, or is rude, or whatever, and I'm told about it after school, as long as the TA has spoken to him about it, I don't bring it up again. I watch to make sure that if any similar behaviour rears up at home, that I also speak to him and discipline him for it when it happens. But I feel that bringing up something afterschool to him that he's already been told off for during the day is much like telling him off again, but by then he's possibly forgotten about it or simply doesn't know or understand why he's being told off again (because "I didn't just do it again - so why am I getting told off again?" kind of thought process). I feel that the school tells me about certain behaviours so that I am aware of them, not so I can then tell him off about it again, which I feel is confusing for him when it occurs so much later in the day.

Thanks for all your inputs! I'll mention it to the school in the next review. I might even mention to other parents that he should be being warned because if they complain it might hold
more weight?

They rarely complain because the like DS and me and know about his problems but IMO they still should as it's unaccetable that DS is able to take
a pair of scissors, run across a room and cut someones arm with no intervention.