Really bad day. What's wrong with me?!

[Floopytheloopy]

Hi everyone.

I just can't seem to snap out of this horrible lonely, depressing, morbid feeling.

I genuinely feel like i'm going insane. Like it's just me.

Everytime I speak to anyone about dd(4 and possible asd)it's like i'm talking about a different child. Especially grandparents. It's all "there's nothing wrong with that child. She's just behind". This completely contradicts when her nanna sees her completely melt down in a park and start squealing because it's time to go home. Forgot to mention the hitting also. At the time people agree with me and say that it's definitely not normal etc, but then when i'm feeling low(like today)I get, "pull yourself together!!" "she's absolutely fine, you just need to encourage her to do more things"

Certain people just don't understand that there are some things that I just can't make her do!! I'm not saying i'm the best parent in the world, but I think i'm decent enough to know my own daughter and her limitations.

I'm sure this has all come out as gibberish as i'm writing it in a bit of a fluster and through tears(again!!)

I suppose the main point is that i'm so down and nobody will help me. Nobody in outside here understands or can relate to what i'm going through.

I desperately need some help.

:(

It is far far more likely that she has ASD then not. I've been on MN long enough to spot it a mile away

Have you managed to start the assessment process for her? Is she under any professionals?

Do you think you should talk to the GP about being depressed?

Do you have a DP? Is he supportive?

Do you have any RL friends who are supportive? Even one?

Can you go to a local NAS group? You don't need a dx to go, and you'll find a whole lot of parents in exactly your position...

You need some help, and you need to look after yourself.....

Floopy

I remember the years of people saying
" oh, he's fine, he is just taking his time, stop worrying"

Lots of us get/got this from people and it is bloody awful.
It makes you feel like the only one seeing your child negatively, as if you want something to be wrong. It is incredibly isolating.

People don't mean to be horrible, they are just in denial. Sometimes they can even get a bit arsy with you , as if you are just upsetting them. It is really bloody odd. But lots of people do it.

If there is anyone that you really need on your side, maybe try telling them.
I wish I had said to my mum
" stop telling me he is fine. He isn't and I am trying to find out how to help him. When you dismiss my worries you make me feel alone and depressed.
If you care about him, if you care about me, stop arguing with me and stop minimizing his problems. It is selfish and upsetting"

I wish I had said that.

Once you get some diagnosis it helps. This is a really hard time. But it doesn't last.

Is your DD at pre-school? What have they said? Are they of the same mind as you?

Is it possible for your DD to go and stay at grandparents for the night without you? I know that is when my mum finally got some idea of what I was going through.

Yes, same as the other posters; it does get better when you get a dx, the in-between stage is difficult, or at least I experienced very similar to you. In some ways it is easier when you have the dx but, at times, I still experience crap from some relatives (it's normally the same ones) and I have a choice of either to absorb/ignore it or speak up. Sometimes its easier to say nothing for an easy life (explanations would be futile anyway, denial is very powerful!).

However, regardless of all that, you know your own child, you are her expert so having a few key phrases to pipe up with mightn't be a bad idea!

Thanks for all your responses. I knew I wasn't alone, but that doesn't stop you feeling like it does it.

As soon as I posted it I read it back and just thought, "oh come on, get a bloody grip women!" You just lose it sometimes I guess.

indigo- I do have a few really good friends, but I know that they will probably only say things to make me feel better, which tend to echo a lot of what the family say. I have a dp who also knows that something is not quite as it should be with dd, but he deals with it so much better than me. I know it can kill him inside sometimes. Especially when he hears that dd doesn't really have any friends still.

Dd is in foundation class and seems to be fairly happy. School have oviously been informed by me and pre school that they may have problems with her so they applied for some govenment funding which they did recieve, but as of yet they don't feel like it's needed at present. It's basically a back up fund for if things get worse. I'm not sure how secure I feel about that. Although her behaviour(tantrum wise)has hugely improved at school, her behaviour with regards to her social skills is still very behind ie she's jumpy and repetative and can sometimes just come across as "strange"or "weird". Obviously I hate saying that, but it's been said unfortunately.

It's just an endless emotional rollercoaster. As soon as I feel like i've learnt to accept the situation and feel on the up, something happens and I come tumbeling down again, feeling useless and very negative.

I've posted similar things before, but this time I just feel at the end.

Floopy,

Ignore the deniers and the nay sayers within your family grouping; you need a break from that lot. Their denial neither helps you nor your daughter in the short term, let alone the long.

I would not feel secure about that at all either with regards to school. Hmmm at school not feeling like this funding is needed at present, why is this?. Start challenging their assertions and speak to the SENCO. How do they feel about her social skills?. Her ability to learn could well become impaired if her additional social/communication needs are not fully met. Do you feel that they are trying to get her additional needs fully met?.

You are your child's best - and only - advocate here. No-one is better placed than you to fight her corner for her. This is also because no-one else will do so, school certainly will not and are not.

I've spoken to the SENCO and to be fair he didn't really know my dd. He was more the secretary taking the minutes of the meeting. It was mainly dp, me and her 1 to 1. Whereas they do have concerns with her social skills, the T\A(1 to 1) believes that it's something that will just improve with time as she has been brought up in a very adult dominated envirnonment and didn't really mix with other children as much as she should have. This is for reasons that are way to complicated to go into without writing an essay!

I did go to my gp and she actually suggested that I waited for a term or 2 to see how she settles in as that would be the real test. That's where we're coming upto now.

With regards to seeing my gp about depression, i've been before and all they said was we'll put you on the waiting list to see a counciler. 4 months later I got a call. By that point I was pregnant and I didn't want my emotions to surface too much as I didn't think it would be good for the baby. I don't really fancy the same to happen again. I can't afford to go private so I fear that that's exactly what would happen.

I'm just completely lost.

Hi. I know how you feel. I have those members of the family that deny there is a problem and those that know there is,that offer help but don't actually give it as they have no idea just how bad it can sometimes get. I know I need help but daren't admit to it. We are about to start the statementing process and know this is will only make things more stressful in the short term. I feel like if I admit I am not coping I will be seen as weak. I am so tired and wonder where this will all end.

Sorry for not actually helping but it has been nice to actually say this as I don't want to say it anywhere else. I''m off to bed now as exhausted and know tomorrow will be the start of another stressful day

Hi floopy, just wanted to say that 'will just improve with time' isn't the answer you need to hear re social skills. The school and GP have no evidence that the social skills problems are due to her being isolated from her peers previously. And none that the issues will magically vanish.

Even if it were true, early intervention would help her catch up faster, which is the whole point of the funding.